Random Thought Of The Day #545

Day 545

You know what I really need? A Helper Monkey.

Seriously. Don't you remember the episode of the Simpsons where Homer gets a helper monkey? Wouldn't it be kinda fucking rad to have one?

"Hey, Mojo... go get me a beer."

I'd totally teach the Helper Monkey how to ride my dog like a horse around the house.

But I'd actually make use of him. Gotta teach him what tools are which though. Then, I can have a workshop assistant that gets me tools when I need them or holds stuff for me when I need an extra pair of hands.

I wonder if he'd try swinging from ropes when someone does a suspension during a party? I wonder if monkeys are any good with rope? Hmmmm...

I bet I could even get him to kill people I don't like. Does that count as a crime if you get a monkey to do it? Cause you can't really aim them at someone... and you're not hiring someone... hmmmm.. That is an awesome business opportunity! Hit-Monkey!!

He rides in on the back of my dog, shoots montherfuckers in the face and then calls it a day. And nobody is any wiser.

PROFIT!