Random Thought Of The Day #635

Day 635

I'm used to being the one playing the angry, crotchety old bastard role. The one that's kind of a contrarian. The one that finds something to point at and say "that's wrong. You're doing it wrong. Figure your shit out and do shit right.". Like the parent constantly giving a disapproving glance to make the kids realize they're fucking up. From both a control point of view as well as a nurturing way. Like tough love or something.

See, that's comfortable. I'm used to that role. But the thing that makes it weird is what happens later.

When other people start doing it. When other people, and more and more and more people start also pointing at things and screaming "you're not doing it right". When the discourse goes from the usual "happy fun time" that I'm playing the killjoy to and being stern and serious and becomes everyone ELSE playing the roles of stern and serious killjoy. That's when something weird happens.

I get really mellow. And I love everyone. I mean, fuck... the first 4 words I actually wrote before deleting them and re-writing this were "I love you all".  Like, I become this mellow fucking hippie that just has this contented smile on his face.

Not because of the chaos, but maybe a little? Like kinda hopeful that something better can be made out of what comes after it. Like maybe something that I was saying and some lesson I've been trying to teach people got thru and people are starting to think for themselves a little bit more and not rest on the status quo and maybe more actively speak their minds on things when they see something that's not right. Maybe it helps, maybe it hurts. Maybe it's a rational motivation or maybe it's fucking crazy. Who knows? Who cares? It's the complacancy that drove me nuts in the first place. And maybe it's the end of complacancy.

If that makes any sense?

And I love people because of it. Like they're realizing a little more of their individual potentials as a result.

That's probably weird. And probably makes me a sociopath that is grinning at a puppet show where the puppets are tearing each other apart and I'm sitting there getting glee from the pain and chaos or something. But that's not what it is. I just don't know if I can exactly put into words what it really is. This was my poor attempt to do so. And I hope it made some degree of sense.