Random Thought Of The Day #650

Day 650
I'm trying to decide if the inflatable palm tree should just be filled with air or helium.

Because what we will need for a Bikini Beach Party is flying inflatable palm trees.

Also... I hate to disappoint you all, but the Slip N Slide is only rated for children ages 4-12. So we're kinda all fucked. Let's hurt ourselves and laugh at each other instead.

Speaking of slip n slide... A number of years back, a few friends and I got an ingenius idea.

My friend lived  in a house that was kind of down in a valley. I think I've told you about the sled-riding-cases-of-beer story. Or maybe I didn't.

Well, if I haven't, then let me give you a little bit of a visual here. His driveway was about 1/4 mile long. And steep as fuck going down. The house was sitting at the end of the driveway, on the one spot on the property that was mostly flat. Thoough the front yard was only about 20 feet deep before you hit the house and the back door in the basement was back at ground level, so obviously the ground started sloping down more about 2/3 of the way thru the house. And sloped steep.

Well, this made for a lot of fun stupid shit we could do and some huge fucking parties in the winter. Cause this was the middle of god damn nowhere. Because it was in the middle of the damn woods too.

Pretty close to the same slope.

Well, as it happens, right next door to the house was where a fire-lane was cut. For those of you too city-centric to know what a fire lane is, it's a 100-or-so foot wide swath of trees cut down entirely. It's to prevent forest fires from spreading too quickly and to kind of "box them in" when they start. We stopped being allowed to do it in national parks in the early 90's and by the late 90's, our epidemic of annual west-of-the-Rocky-Mountains wildfires began. There's a connection there. I don't care. Also for running gas lines thru wooded areas. But whatever... But think grass paved freeway-width roads cut right thru a forest. It's the fucking Deer Interstate.

They need to replace those Deer Crossing signs with Junction: Deer Highway #7 or whatever on the roads in western PA. It might cut down on the fucking deer that we hit.

But so, there's this wide, steep, and long-as-fuck path of smooth grass cut going down this hill. And one day, while sitting out on his deck and looking over at it, I got the greatest idea in the history of ever.

I get up off the deck and start walking towards the thin tree-line the seperated his property from the fire lane and start looking up and down it. I'm looking up the hill and down. Noticing that the slope starts to get more shallow on the hillside about 85% of the way down the hill and I start pondering the situation. I look up and down the hill a little more and start walking back over towards my car.

My buddy looks at me like I was fucking retarded and asks "are you high? What the fuck are you looking at?" as he's walking towards me. I ignore him. Genius doesn't need to explain itself. And I was only kinda high.

He looks at me like I'm even more crazy as I just get in my car and drive up his driveway, thinking that I'm leaving. And he's still standing there confused when he sees me start pulling down the fire lane on the other side of the trees. I had a Jeep. I could drive cooler places than you. And pretty much wherever I wanted to. Because I'm better than all of you. Signs with fancy words like "no tresspassing" and "prosecution" and "no automobiles" didn't impress me.

And as he watches me drive down and drive most of the way to the bottom before starting my slow journey back up the hill. Hey, I might be able to drive cooler places than you, but I still have to do it properly or else my jeep would have been just as useless as your toyota trying to get up that hill. Except I would have still gotten there eventually and if I rolled it over in the process, I could just get out, flip it back over onto it's wheels and keep going again. Try that in your honda.

Soon after, I'm back in his driveway as if nothing had happened. I get out of my jeep and have the biggest grin on my face. I pull my phone out, make a call to a friend of mine with a bobcat and tell him to bring that shit over this weekend. Cause I need a couple foot deep hole dug and a little pit made. We're gonna have some fucking fun!

My friend is still confused as shit. He has no idea what I'm planning. I start asking him for things like "duct tape" and "plastic sheeting". And he's finally realizing that I have a plan.

Not the actual product. But damn close. Think more patchwork
plastic sheeting and a LOT fucking longer.

I look at him as he's putting the pieces together in his head and grin at him before screaming right in his face:

"World's Largest Slip N Slide, Motherfucker!"

And we did. Well, maybe not the actual like world record or anything like that. And only like 3 people rode it before someone finally got hurt. But still..

This is what you find when you google image search for
slip n slide and drunk.

almost 1/4 mile long, about 30 degree downword grade. And a really fucking big hose attached to the neighbor's house. I might have forgot to ask permission to do that... but whatever. I dont' care. We dug the pit at the bottom and put some plastic in there to fill it up a little with water so it didn't just turn into a mud puddle. And it was only like 5 feet long and 2 feet deep or so. But it's ok. Cause we were fucking brush burnt long before we hit the water and had slowed down significantly from how fast we were going at the top and 1/2 way down.

That was an awesome idea. Especially drunk.