Random Thought Of The Day #688

Day 688

So people are making a big deal out of needing valid photo ID to vote. Cause apparently some people don't have ID.

So, I have a question for people without ID: How do you exist?

Do you not engage in any banking or financial transactions outside of cash? Oh... Drug dealer. You're like the people that still use pagers. You know, drug dealers.

Do you never drink or smoke? Cause unless you're like 50 now, someone is gonna card you to even get in the bar at some point.

Never had to buy allergy or cold pills? They make you jump through a million hoops to get rid of allergy symptoms in the name of not making it easy to make meth. But hey... at least Dog the Bounty Hunter won't be chasing you down for going all Breaking Bad.
Do you not have a job? I've never had a job that didn't want to see ID to get it. Do you just like... cut the neighbors' grass for $25 a pop?
Never left the country? Cause passports work.

Never gone to a doctor or hospital or anything? Other than the ER, they won't even talk to you without ID. Though that dude with the shady clinic that smells like whisky in the back-alley with a single dentist chair for everything doesn't count.

Never even rented a car? You need a license to do that.

Never even rented an apartment or house? Where the fuck do you live, unless you're constantly couch-surfing from place to place?

Fuck, I think even the Greyhound sometimes asks for ID now to get a ticket. Much less a plane or Amtrak.

There's not really much you can do in life without some form of ID at this point. You really need to be living on the total outskirts of society. Like, the alley-dwelling fringe of dumpster diving homelessness. I don't mean hipster freegan dumpster diving bullshit. Which, for the record, royally fucks all the ACTUAL homeless people that do NOT have the means to go and buy food, unlike the cheap fucks that just want free shit. And the shelters WILL help you get some form of ID in case you get busted by the cops for vagrancy or something.

Or you still live with mom & dad into your 30's or something and are a total drain on both them and society.

And the argument that I saw about not being able to get ID is about as flimsy as you can get. All you need is a birth certificate to get ID. That's it. Who doesn't have one of them?
Were you born in the back seat of a '77 Ford in the middle of bumfucknowhere, Iowa, lived your entire existance in a cave, and don't exist as far as the government is considered? Then guess what? You're not actually a citizen and don't have a legal right to vote! Though I do have to ask if you ever tried to find your cave in Google Earth. And how the fuck are you reading the internet right now? Is it like the Flintstones with Fred's rock television? Do birds fly into your intarwubz box and tell you the news and act-out YouTube videos? Somehow, I don't think that "Call Me Maybe" crazy chick is nearly as funny when acted out by birds like Fred's tv did.
Illegal immigrent? Oh, yeah... also not a citizen and no right to vote.
On a work or student visa? Yeah, I know... but you can go vote in your own country. You don't get to make up for not being there for yours by voting in ours.
Faked your own death? Same fucking deal. Though if you faked your own death, you probably totally got a false identity you're living under now. So vote with that false identity. False identities tend to come with photo ID. Otherwise it's just an alias. And you don't pay some shady terrorist-helping guy on the internet or in some dark bar like $10,000 for a stage name. Even strippers can come up with a stage name using their own cocaine-addled, cum-soaked brainbox. I think you can do it too.

Bigfoot? Well, I think we can give Bigfoot a pass. Since he's like... pretty distinct. But I'm pretty sure voting is kinda low on his priority list. Behind "eat", "mate", and "try to look super blurry in every photo taken of him". I wonder if he would show up as blurry in his photo ID picture? Like Mitch Hedberg said, "I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here."

But still...

Really, is there anyone alive that's an actual citizen that doesn't have a birth certificate? No. You all got one. And if you don't physically posess it, you just gotta call up the hospital you were born in or your ophanage (if you were adopted) or even just the state or county you were born in and have them mail you a copy. Not that hard. You should probably have a copy of it anyway. They don't give you the only copy. The government keeps copies of the title to your car, they definitely keep copies of the list of people that should be paying them taxes.

So sorry to inconvenience you, but if you're dumb enough to go through life with absolutely no proof of who you are, then you really probably shouldn't be voting anyway.

Though I'll give you a pass if you've had your whole life and identify stolen. But that's pretty much it.