Don't wear white anymore.
The zombies will get you. And then I'll dance on the hood of your car while wearing wooden shoes. And some kids will keep ghrought rocks through your windows. And then you'll die.
Cause it's bad luck to wear white after labor day.
Or it's just a weird tradition that has to do with fashion that nobody cares about.
But on a note of fashion that I do care about... even as a straight man. There are certain things that I think even the straightest among us know implicitly. Even if our idea of fashion hasn't changed in almost a decade. Even if loose/baggy jeans, steel toed boots, a simple black or white t-shirt, and a button-down shirt of a generall flat color has been our version of the Star Trek red/yellow/blue options for our uniform of choice every day for years.
Here are rules of fashion that everyone implicitly knows but for some reason, we apparently forget every few years and make the mistake of repeating... because like ideas that Karl Marx came up with, we think they sound great in theory and the only reason they didn't work was because WE weren't the ones doing them to make them work right.
So here we go. Fashion rules 101:
Retro 80's style - This is hideous. Period. It was hideous 20-25 years ago and it's hideous now. Just stop. There was nothing redeeming about 80's fashion in the 80's and there's nothing redeeming about it now. The only thing the 80's did right was action movies and saturday morning cartoons. Nothing else. So if you get any idea that was inspired by the 80's, just go have a smoke, let the feeling pass, and move on with your life. 
Gladiator sandals - No. Period. No. To be honest, I could maybe expand this one to "any shoe for girls that doesn't have a heel" but that might be overkill. Look, we get it... you're pretty much at the "I give up" stage of flip-flops... but you're on the fence.... you don't care... but you don't ENTIRELY not care. Just figure out if you care or not. Here, just look at it this way, they're attrocious looking. And they make me hate you. Ok, that last reason might be more of an argument for a large portion of the population to wear them more, just to piss me off, but still... They look fucking awful and I hate everyone that wears them. And maybe I'll just start stomping on the feet of anyone wearing them. Those trash-bag dresses - While this isn't as big of a problem as it was a year or 3 ago, it's still a horrendous look. You remember which ones I'm talking about, right? The kind with the band at the top and at the bottom and looked like a gigantic trash bag was placed in the middle? They had no form. They had no waist or shape to them. They were a large cylinder-ish shape glob of fabric with elastic bands on the 2 ends. They were just... ugly. They made everyone equally shapeless and unattractive.
I could probably write more of this, but I think I'm done. This made me angrier enough. And now I need a cigarette and a nap.
Fuck you all.
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