Trials & Tribulations - RTOTD #855

Day 855

So I'm going to do a chronicle of the failure that has been roomie hunting with some of the best parts of it so far:

I already chronicled the 2 failures where the applicants came and saw the place, loved the place, filled out the application, passed the credit checks and then just bailed at the last minute. So I'm going to skip these and go right to one from last night:

I had a girl call me yesterday to come and see the place. She said she was going to be there around 4:30. Cool. That would work for me. Gives me time to get home and make sure the place is cleaned up. So I told the girlfriend & ArtemisFallen about it and they made sure the place was ready. But see, apparently nothing about this monumental cock-up of a roommate search was going to go well. So I'll just break it down:

4:30 - Nothing. No show.

4:45 - Phone rings. It's this girl telling me that her ride got into an accident on the way and she had to move it back until around 6. That's cool. Whatever.

6:00 - Oh look, another missed appointment.

6:45 -  I get another call to ask if she could come around 7:00. Now, I was starting to get confused here. The different calls sounded like different voices. Similar, but not exactly the same. And I couldn't be certain, but I'm pretty sure that through the different calls, the girls gave me different names. Now I was really confused. Was this the same girl that just used different names, like a nickname that she went by and her given name? What was going on? Was it 2 different girls? Was I accidentally scheduling 2 viewings at the same time to different people?

In the meantime, I had gotten another call and another woman that was planning to stop by around 7:40.

7:00 - In the least shocking discovery of the evening, this girl still didn't show up.

7:40 - The other lady showed up and I began giving a tour.

7:44 -  My phone rings. It was this girl again. She had to cancel and reschedule for Wednesday. Fine. Whatever. I'm busy anyway.

7:47 - My phone rings again. This time I hear the different girls voice and figure this out. It's sisters. The one sister was supposed to bring the other and she still wanted to see the place that night for her sister. Fine. I tell her that 8:15 would be the best since I had someone looking at the place at the moment.

8:20 - Miracles of miracles, this girl finally arrived.

8:22 - She comes in with 2 random dudes. That's cool. I mean, she's a small girl. Probably under 5' and looked like she was 20 or so. I'm a guy and she's in a random house she doesn't know. Safety is always a good policy. She asks me if she can record on her phone to show her sister the place. I don't care. I'm not really a huge fan but whatever. I wanna get this place finally fucking rented out and get a new roomie.

8:26 - We're looking at one of the rooms when she drops a bomb. She and her sister were planning to move in together somewhere. I'm confused. I'm renting a single room and leaving 2 rooms empty like it was when Diotima was here. She wants to move in with her sister. Are they sharing a room? W
hat the fuck? I think it's better to just wait it out and see if she gives more information. I can always broach that subject later. I'm observing to feel her out and see if she's even someone that would be cool to live with.

8:30 - I'm still showing her around and we're talking as we go. She is asking about the ugly room and about decorating. She and her sister love to decorate. I don't really care. It's the ugly room. It needs drywall at this point and I really want to just gut everything about it except for the built-ins and totally re-do it. If someone wants to pretty it up in the meantime? I don't give a fuck. It lets me put off re-doing the room until I have the extra cash or until after the bathrooms are redone and the fence is finally up.

8:33 - We're in the basement and she is gushing about the place. She loves it. She thinks her sister is going to love it too. Great. I'm still confused on this sisters-living-together thing but it can still be discussed and if they really want to share a room and pay 2/5 of the utilities, who am I to argue? I don't care if it's a couple in there. It's not a college dorm room with bunk beds, but whatever. Not my problem.

8:34 - The next bomb gets dropped. They've got an "agency" that is handling paying the first months rent and security deposit. She starts telling me about the situation and it starts sounding suspiciously more and more like a Section 8 situation. Nope. This is an absolute dealbreaker for me. I am not signing up for that shit. The headaches associated with that are not worth the payment. But hey, I could be wrong. It could be a trust fund for all I know. I don't have the details yet. I'm not going to make assumptions. I'll wait for the application

8:34:30 - The final bomb. Oh.. wait a second. First it was some girl. Then it was some girl and her sister. I'm still confused about that part but whatever. Now what did you just say? Wait... her sister has a daughter too? And has custody of her niece? Um... wait... fucking WHAT? So now there's 4 of you? And 2 of them are kids?

OH FUCK YOU NO!

So let me get this right... you and your sister and your sister's daughter and you're sister's niece are going to be moving into 1 bedroom? Yeah... um... are you fucking high? Do you think you're going to just turn 1 of my other spare bedrooms into a nursery or kids room or something? And not pay for that bedroom as well? You think that "the other empty bedrooms are common areas" means that you can turn them into your kids room and you're... oh fuck it. Just fucking NO.

Bitch, you need a house. And you're sure as hell not renting half of mine for you and your 2 kids for the price I want for just 1 bedroom in mine. And I'm going to lay money that you're not going to like paying 4/7 of the utilities plus double rent to use 1 of the spare bedrooms.

And fuck this. JUST NO.

See... this shit is the reason why I just wanted to kidnap Diotima and keep her here under a different name and pretend that that wasn't really her when her parents started searching for her. Because this is the shit I've been dealing with when it comes to finding a roomie to fill in for her.