Day 884
There are some points in your life where things that that angered you or previously would have gotten to you simply stop affecting you. A job where you're regularly unhappy. A restaurant that can't help but fuck up your food with every visit. Parties that you attend but are inevitably bored by. Any number of things that after you've beaten your head against the wall enough times, you come to accept the disappointment & stop trying to make it better before just giving up & move on to a different job, a different restaurant, or a better way to spend a Saturday night. You run out of fucks to give & energy to bother handing those fucks out if you find a spare few in your other pants.
It happens with people in life as well. Admittedly, most often with females, at least in my life. But its been known to happen with male friends as well. Either way, i just reach an end point with dealing with the bullshit that someone else routinely heaps upon my life & I shut down. I stop caring completely. I feel a little sad, certainly, but only at the knowledge that I've reached yet another off-ramp where I will once again, let a passenger out & continue on my way. That I've gotta slow to stop, and rather than be a dick & just shove them out of the car at 90 mph, throwing their shit out the window over the next 2 miles. Instead I stop & let them out, make sure they have all their baggage so I'm not saddled with any more than my own, and wish them luck while trying to not get hit by a semi when it's time to merge back onto the freeway.
It's a sad realization: that something once fun & great has become spoiled & toxic. That as much as you'd like, you might have been able to preserve it once but once bad, is forever ruined. And it's sadder yet that you don't really mourn for the thing itself, but for the waste of something, the time & energy expended in removing the toxicity that you be been exposed to, and the hole left to be refilled by something else.
It's a cathartic experience.
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