Day 890
I need to get something off my chest:
Men's shorts should not, under almost any circumstance, stop above the knee. It's an affront to fashion akin to the recent trend of mom jeans suddenly being fucking cool again or tights as pants. I mean, if we're suddenly back in 1992 for fashion, are the spandex biker shorts next? Cause if so, I'm gonna have to start burning things down again.
There is nothing about this fashion that is even remotely attractive so cut it out. It was hideous in 1992 & it's hideous now. It aged about as well as neon orange hats, vented sunglasses, hypercolor tshirts & hair metal. It's fun & nostalgic for a night every few years at a theme party but not as actual everyday wear.
So if you're a man & your shorts don't at least cover the kneecap, you're fucking doing it wrong. Stop it. Stop it & go find a pair of pants until you can find an appropriate length of shorts.
Thursday, January 26, 2017
Monday Truisms - RTOTD #889
Day 889
Here's a few truisms for your Monday morning:
For every hot girl in the world, there's at least 1 dude that's sick of her shit.
You'll never lose pussy chasing money, but you'll always lose money chasing pussy.
The sad truth is, the reason you hear crazy ex girlfriend stories is because the worst she does is put superglue on the toilet seat when you dump her after sex, while crazy ex-boyfriend stories tend to get told to the police man if the woman get the chance to tell them at all.
Coffee sucks. Anyone who claims to actually enjoy it is a fucking liar. It is fuel for when your sleep did not adequately refuel you & nothing more. I'm betting 92 octane doesn't taste very good either.
Treat your body like an amusement park when you're young. Getting up for work after 12 beers & 3 hours of sleep is a lot harder in your mid 30's.
Say please & thank you.
There's a line between just being an asshole & being racist/sexist/whatever. Not all dickbaggery comes from the same place. Don't assume it does.
I really really hope half of you die in a fire
Here's a few truisms for your Monday morning:
For every hot girl in the world, there's at least 1 dude that's sick of her shit.
You'll never lose pussy chasing money, but you'll always lose money chasing pussy.
The sad truth is, the reason you hear crazy ex girlfriend stories is because the worst she does is put superglue on the toilet seat when you dump her after sex, while crazy ex-boyfriend stories tend to get told to the police man if the woman get the chance to tell them at all.
Coffee sucks. Anyone who claims to actually enjoy it is a fucking liar. It is fuel for when your sleep did not adequately refuel you & nothing more. I'm betting 92 octane doesn't taste very good either.
Treat your body like an amusement park when you're young. Getting up for work after 12 beers & 3 hours of sleep is a lot harder in your mid 30's.
Say please & thank you.
There's a line between just being an asshole & being racist/sexist/whatever. Not all dickbaggery comes from the same place. Don't assume it does.
I really really hope half of you die in a fire
The Best We Can Do - RTOTD #888
Day 888
I wish I could turn my tv on without some politician popping up on it. Because I think we've finally reached a new low for these assholes. Are we really at a point where the best we can do are a game show host, a screechy old lady, the last guy alive that thought the Bolshevik Revolution was a good idea (and probably saw it in person) & a younger grandpa Munster?
At least Mitt had some spectacular hair, Obama was obviously a blank slate & W was a bumbling fool. I could live with that.
But fuck this. I'm actually voting Bailey 2016.
It's a race to the bottom these days. It's the Olive Garden of political toolbags. Lowest common denominator. I mean, come on... Joe fucking Biden, the laughing stock of the 2004 & 2008 primaries is considered a shoe-in if he runs? Really? The guy that told a dude in a wheelchair to stand up and take a bow once not too long ago is the great hope of a large portion of the country so they don't have to vote for some angry lady that lies about pretty much everything or a guy that has fond memories of seeing a hammer and sickle.
And the other assholes are no fucking better. For Christ sake, you have a douchebag game show host as the leading candidate. If I have to take a guy best known for a tv catch phrase and his hair, can I at least get Alex Trabek? I'll live with Pat Sajak or even Steve Harvey. Maybe we can dig up Morton Downey & jusr vote for his corpse. At least when they're dicks to large groups of people it's funny! And while you can't spell manslaughter without laughter, it's a little less funny when the guy might actually do it. So hey Donald, just go back to your podium until it's time to play the Feud, ok?
So how about we pick a plant. Or a dog. And vote for that. I'm thinking a ficus for President with Bailey as his running mate. Because Ficus is a funny word & if someone forgets to water it & it dies in office, we at least get a dog to take over. Not like it can be worse.
I wish I could turn my tv on without some politician popping up on it. Because I think we've finally reached a new low for these assholes. Are we really at a point where the best we can do are a game show host, a screechy old lady, the last guy alive that thought the Bolshevik Revolution was a good idea (and probably saw it in person) & a younger grandpa Munster?
At least Mitt had some spectacular hair, Obama was obviously a blank slate & W was a bumbling fool. I could live with that.
But fuck this. I'm actually voting Bailey 2016.
It's a race to the bottom these days. It's the Olive Garden of political toolbags. Lowest common denominator. I mean, come on... Joe fucking Biden, the laughing stock of the 2004 & 2008 primaries is considered a shoe-in if he runs? Really? The guy that told a dude in a wheelchair to stand up and take a bow once not too long ago is the great hope of a large portion of the country so they don't have to vote for some angry lady that lies about pretty much everything or a guy that has fond memories of seeing a hammer and sickle.
And the other assholes are no fucking better. For Christ sake, you have a douchebag game show host as the leading candidate. If I have to take a guy best known for a tv catch phrase and his hair, can I at least get Alex Trabek? I'll live with Pat Sajak or even Steve Harvey. Maybe we can dig up Morton Downey & jusr vote for his corpse. At least when they're dicks to large groups of people it's funny! And while you can't spell manslaughter without laughter, it's a little less funny when the guy might actually do it. So hey Donald, just go back to your podium until it's time to play the Feud, ok?
So how about we pick a plant. Or a dog. And vote for that. I'm thinking a ficus for President with Bailey as his running mate. Because Ficus is a funny word & if someone forgets to water it & it dies in office, we at least get a dog to take over. Not like it can be worse.
A Little Conspiracy Theory... To Brighten Up Your Day - RTOTD# 887
Day 887
So apparently there's been some kind of recent upswing in celebrities with weird delusions on conspiracy theories. I keep coming across them every so often. One of the sisters of that broad with the enormous ass that's married to Kanye who are all famous for wholly perplexing reasons who was yammering on about Chemtrails. All of the (rather startling number of) celebrities that are 9/11 Truthers. Crack & AIDS were created by the CIA to kill black people & the gays. The baffling number of people that believe the moon landing was a fake.
But the most recent revival of a centuries old conspiracy theory is the flat earth one that is apparently going on on Twitter right now promoted by a rapper & argued against by Neil DeGrasse fucking Tyson.
Now see, this is a conspiracy theory that I just don't get because I don't even understand its purpose. I mean, ok... The rest at least pass the sniff test. Not necessarily in legitimacy but on the "could it even be a conspiracy?" level. Why? Because what's the purpose of a conspiracy to begin with? You create a conspiracy to hide some nefarious goals that generally revolve around the acquisition or continued stranglehold on power, control, general authority or wealth, right? Let's even look at some of them assuming that they're not bat guano insane:
Crack & AIDS being created to kill black people to prevent a loss of power built around systemic racism. Kill them if you can't control them or some other generally similar racist reasons.
The faked moon landing could have been done to hide the billions of dollars that the aerospace industry & space program spent & how many people got rich for accomplishing nothing. Taxpayers would lose their shit. It was a Cold War propaganda tool but all the people involved got filthy rich & the country was lied to.
Chemtrails? I guess some sort of mass control or dosing of the public with some sort of chemical for indeterminate reasons. Nanobots to take over our brains at some point down the line. I don't fucking know. Something something controlling people & maintaining authority probably.
9/11 was an inside job? Don't even get me started on all the insane conclusion jumping in this one. Surprised nobody has gotten a muscle tear from all that leaping.
Fuck, I love a cool conspiracy theory as much as anyone else (it's Bearenstein Bears, not Bearenstain & I know that I accidentally fell into a parallel universe) but come the fuck on here. What in the ever loving blue fuck is the purpose behind a flat earth conspiracy? I have so many fucking questions about why anyone would give 2 tugs of a dead dog's cock about the shape of the planet & why flat, round, square or imaginary, why it would matter.
Why would people spend centuries denying it? Does flatness give people who know of it godly powers? Do you learn to see the 3rd dimension as the hologram that it is?
What is at "the edge"? Big piles of gold? Leprechauns? Unicorns? A really odd view? Narnia? A really cool rock. Where we put all the dinosaur bones?
Are there guards and stuff that protect "the edge"? Just like lines of troops? Or robots? Monkeys with pitchforks? A big wall? Did Donald Trump build it? Is he actually a really adept wall builder?
Does it like wrap around back underneath? Like you immediately get to the edge & it's like a conveyor belt that wraps you around underneath or like you get to the edge of a mirror & just start going in the other direction but realize you're now IN the mirror?? If so, I think Kiefer Sutherland owes these guys some royalty money. So how can it wrap around & yet we still have oceans & shit that we can dive down into. If we dive all the way to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, do we come out in Mirror Earth on the other side or something?
Who benefits & how from this bewildering theory & insult to physics? Not like anyone makes any money out of the deal. And unless it's some weird Mirror World invasion plot or something, it doesn't really do much for control or power or authority except for some weird arbitrary control of information exercise. So seriously... Why would there even need to BE a conspiracy about a Flat Earth. Not like anyone's exactly getting rich off that sweet sweet gentle curve of the globe or anything.
This is just one that makes my fucking head hurt. And that's saying something. I think about paradoxes of time travel for fun.
So apparently there's been some kind of recent upswing in celebrities with weird delusions on conspiracy theories. I keep coming across them every so often. One of the sisters of that broad with the enormous ass that's married to Kanye who are all famous for wholly perplexing reasons who was yammering on about Chemtrails. All of the (rather startling number of) celebrities that are 9/11 Truthers. Crack & AIDS were created by the CIA to kill black people & the gays. The baffling number of people that believe the moon landing was a fake.
But the most recent revival of a centuries old conspiracy theory is the flat earth one that is apparently going on on Twitter right now promoted by a rapper & argued against by Neil DeGrasse fucking Tyson.
Now see, this is a conspiracy theory that I just don't get because I don't even understand its purpose. I mean, ok... The rest at least pass the sniff test. Not necessarily in legitimacy but on the "could it even be a conspiracy?" level. Why? Because what's the purpose of a conspiracy to begin with? You create a conspiracy to hide some nefarious goals that generally revolve around the acquisition or continued stranglehold on power, control, general authority or wealth, right? Let's even look at some of them assuming that they're not bat guano insane:
Crack & AIDS being created to kill black people to prevent a loss of power built around systemic racism. Kill them if you can't control them or some other generally similar racist reasons.
The faked moon landing could have been done to hide the billions of dollars that the aerospace industry & space program spent & how many people got rich for accomplishing nothing. Taxpayers would lose their shit. It was a Cold War propaganda tool but all the people involved got filthy rich & the country was lied to.
Chemtrails? I guess some sort of mass control or dosing of the public with some sort of chemical for indeterminate reasons. Nanobots to take over our brains at some point down the line. I don't fucking know. Something something controlling people & maintaining authority probably.
9/11 was an inside job? Don't even get me started on all the insane conclusion jumping in this one. Surprised nobody has gotten a muscle tear from all that leaping.
Fuck, I love a cool conspiracy theory as much as anyone else (it's Bearenstein Bears, not Bearenstain & I know that I accidentally fell into a parallel universe) but come the fuck on here. What in the ever loving blue fuck is the purpose behind a flat earth conspiracy? I have so many fucking questions about why anyone would give 2 tugs of a dead dog's cock about the shape of the planet & why flat, round, square or imaginary, why it would matter.
Why would people spend centuries denying it? Does flatness give people who know of it godly powers? Do you learn to see the 3rd dimension as the hologram that it is?
What is at "the edge"? Big piles of gold? Leprechauns? Unicorns? A really odd view? Narnia? A really cool rock. Where we put all the dinosaur bones?
Are there guards and stuff that protect "the edge"? Just like lines of troops? Or robots? Monkeys with pitchforks? A big wall? Did Donald Trump build it? Is he actually a really adept wall builder?
Does it like wrap around back underneath? Like you immediately get to the edge & it's like a conveyor belt that wraps you around underneath or like you get to the edge of a mirror & just start going in the other direction but realize you're now IN the mirror?? If so, I think Kiefer Sutherland owes these guys some royalty money. So how can it wrap around & yet we still have oceans & shit that we can dive down into. If we dive all the way to the bottom of the Marianas Trench, do we come out in Mirror Earth on the other side or something?
Who benefits & how from this bewildering theory & insult to physics? Not like anyone makes any money out of the deal. And unless it's some weird Mirror World invasion plot or something, it doesn't really do much for control or power or authority except for some weird arbitrary control of information exercise. So seriously... Why would there even need to BE a conspiracy about a Flat Earth. Not like anyone's exactly getting rich off that sweet sweet gentle curve of the globe or anything.
This is just one that makes my fucking head hurt. And that's saying something. I think about paradoxes of time travel for fun.
Nobody Gets A Fucking Car - RTOTD #886
Day 886
So I'm going to channel my inner Oprah today & give you a list of my Top 10 favorite things. But unlike Oprah, you won't find your own bundle of these things in a bag under your fucking chair & you aren't getting a free car... Well, there might be a bundle of these things under your chair when you look, but I offer no guarantee. I am a mediocre wizard & my conjuring skills are spotty. You might also get a bag of flaming dog poop. I refuse to confirm or deny that I had anything to do with that. But you should probably take it as a hint that I don't like you very much. Or I really like fucking with you.
But back on topic, here's a list of my Top 10 favorite things (that I'm not giving you):
1. Butt sex. If I could conjure up anal sex with my wizarding skills, I would not be sending it to you. I would be enjoying it all to myself. And yes, before I need to play gay chicken for a half hour in the comments section, my butt sex preference is obviously on the giving end. With the ladies. But you know...if you're really pretty, I might make an exception (no I won't)
2. People with reading & listening comprehension skills. You don't know how often I end up wanting to beat my fucking head against a wall or punch a kitten when I say or write something that I know may be slightly meandering but the point is also pretty fucking obvious, yet the reader/listening just doesn't seem to grasp it. My kingdom for some conversation with critical thinkers.
3. Dogs. I don't think this needs explained. I am a gigantic assbag most of the time to most people, but I fucking love dogs. I'm like Elmyra from Tiny Toons. Or maybe that abominable snowman that always tried to adopt Daffy Duck on old-school Looney Tunes. I want to love you and hug you and squeeze you and love you. And I will name you George.
Shut the fuck up. I like dogs. They're a lot better than you fuckers. At least they are happy to see me. I'm not even happy to see me when I come home & I think I'm fucking awesome.
4. Comics. Because it means I can look at pictures & read & I don't have to deal with people to enjoy them.
5.Girls in heels. It's almost a fetish for me. I hate feet but girls in heels does it for me. Hot girl in heels? Awesome. Mediocre girl wearing heels? Good. But sorry ladies, ugly is ugly. And even wearing heels won't change that. It obviously can't hurt, if you're on that borderline but it won't put you over the line. So sorry ladies, being ugly is like being a man. You're gonna have to work for a living.
6. Pizza. Especially pepperoni with extra pepperoni & maybe some more pepperoni on top of that. But with a pretzel crust. It's like a combination of 2 of my favorite things into 1. Why this is all the way down at #6 is beyond me. It should be all the way at the top. Maybe that's a testament to how much I love dogs, comics, butt sex & girls in heels, but yeah... sorry you're #6 pizza. I can only eat you between 1 and 3 times a day. I can enjoy the other things multiple times a day. And multiple times. I bet I could even enjoy some of them at once (hint to the ladies: butt sex while wearing heels... definitely a winner. That would probably #2.5 on the list, if I was feeling decimals today. I'm not. But if I was)
But sadly, I can't enjoy pizza and any of the other things simultaneously. Pizza & comics are a bad mix. I'm not fighting the dogs for my pizza. Pizza a butt sex seems probably like that's a sanitary issue waiting to happen, pizza & reading comprehension kinda works, and pizza with a girl in heels is kinda ok too. But I think I'd be too elated or focused on one or the other there to enjoy the pizza.
7. Building or fixing things. I don't know how to explain this but the sense of accomplishment after starting with 1 thing & transforming it into something else is absolutely astonishing. There's nothing that even really compares to it, because it's a fully creative endeavor. And unlike say, having kids, you're either disappointed in your work as soon as it's done or when sat aside a similar piece of work, or you're not. But there's no risk of being disappointed in it 15-20 years down the line when it's an adult. 15-20 years down the line, if you don't like the thing you built, you can throw it away or sell it. But I think that's called murder or child abuse or human trafficking when you do it with children.
8. Apple products. Because I'm very happy when my stuff just all works together without me needing to dick around too much. And even when it gets a little goofy, that's minor compared to pretty much every other device integration in history made by anyone else. So fuck Google. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Samsung & ok Linux, you're alright. But fuck everyone else. I'm out.
9. Belhaven Wee Heavy. Beer being this far down my list these days must be a sign that I'm getting old. 10 years ago, it would have been competing with pizza and butt sex for the top spot. But I guess like any 20-some-odd-year relationship, we aren't as close as we once were, but we're still always there for each other when we need the other. Yes, I know I'm almost 35 & the math there is weird. I was a professional at 15 and Beer & I had known each other for a few years before we got super close in my teens.
10. Anger. I know that for most people, this would not be on any sort of list of shit that they actually loved. But for me, it's different. Anger serves me well in life. From getting what I want to actually being able to write anything beyond an occasional email or txt message. Anything that might be even somewhat enjoyable or entertaining that I could put down in words or have fall out of my mouth has to come at least partially from anger. Well, anger or frustration or depression. But they're all pretty much one big ball of things that I don't deal well with so I redirect them & they comes out in the form of occasionally amusing borderline lunatic rantings. Which... well... hey, it's kinda part of who I am, right? So without the anger, I don't think I'm even a fun person to be around. Without the anger, I'm just some guy sitting in his recliner reading some comics, or doing yard work or cleaning the fucking house. I'm a boring motherfucker. I need anger. I need anger to be fun. To be funny. To be interesting. To be myself. And when I don't really have it, well... I'm just not even me & I kinda fucking hate it. I don't even like being around me when I don't have anger in my life.
And I'll be honest... but I've kinda given up on fighting the culture war at this point. My side (common fucking sense) has already essentially yielded far too much territory to the other side (complete & utter lunacy whose concept of logic borders on the fever-induced gibberish of a recently lobotomized mental patient) and I'm just waiting for them to hang themselves from the rope that they've demanded. So that part of my anger is a bit subdued for the time being. But the overall life anger is still there. It was just hibernating for a while.
So there you go... a Top 10 List of things that you're not getting under your chair for free later because I'm actually a spectacular wizard but I just don't like you & I'm greedy & keeping it all to myself.
So I'm going to channel my inner Oprah today & give you a list of my Top 10 favorite things. But unlike Oprah, you won't find your own bundle of these things in a bag under your fucking chair & you aren't getting a free car... Well, there might be a bundle of these things under your chair when you look, but I offer no guarantee. I am a mediocre wizard & my conjuring skills are spotty. You might also get a bag of flaming dog poop. I refuse to confirm or deny that I had anything to do with that. But you should probably take it as a hint that I don't like you very much. Or I really like fucking with you.
But back on topic, here's a list of my Top 10 favorite things (that I'm not giving you):
1. Butt sex. If I could conjure up anal sex with my wizarding skills, I would not be sending it to you. I would be enjoying it all to myself. And yes, before I need to play gay chicken for a half hour in the comments section, my butt sex preference is obviously on the giving end. With the ladies. But you know...if you're really pretty, I might make an exception (no I won't)
2. People with reading & listening comprehension skills. You don't know how often I end up wanting to beat my fucking head against a wall or punch a kitten when I say or write something that I know may be slightly meandering but the point is also pretty fucking obvious, yet the reader/listening just doesn't seem to grasp it. My kingdom for some conversation with critical thinkers.
3. Dogs. I don't think this needs explained. I am a gigantic assbag most of the time to most people, but I fucking love dogs. I'm like Elmyra from Tiny Toons. Or maybe that abominable snowman that always tried to adopt Daffy Duck on old-school Looney Tunes. I want to love you and hug you and squeeze you and love you. And I will name you George.
Shut the fuck up. I like dogs. They're a lot better than you fuckers. At least they are happy to see me. I'm not even happy to see me when I come home & I think I'm fucking awesome.
4. Comics. Because it means I can look at pictures & read & I don't have to deal with people to enjoy them.
5.Girls in heels. It's almost a fetish for me. I hate feet but girls in heels does it for me. Hot girl in heels? Awesome. Mediocre girl wearing heels? Good. But sorry ladies, ugly is ugly. And even wearing heels won't change that. It obviously can't hurt, if you're on that borderline but it won't put you over the line. So sorry ladies, being ugly is like being a man. You're gonna have to work for a living.
6. Pizza. Especially pepperoni with extra pepperoni & maybe some more pepperoni on top of that. But with a pretzel crust. It's like a combination of 2 of my favorite things into 1. Why this is all the way down at #6 is beyond me. It should be all the way at the top. Maybe that's a testament to how much I love dogs, comics, butt sex & girls in heels, but yeah... sorry you're #6 pizza. I can only eat you between 1 and 3 times a day. I can enjoy the other things multiple times a day. And multiple times. I bet I could even enjoy some of them at once (hint to the ladies: butt sex while wearing heels... definitely a winner. That would probably #2.5 on the list, if I was feeling decimals today. I'm not. But if I was)
But sadly, I can't enjoy pizza and any of the other things simultaneously. Pizza & comics are a bad mix. I'm not fighting the dogs for my pizza. Pizza a butt sex seems probably like that's a sanitary issue waiting to happen, pizza & reading comprehension kinda works, and pizza with a girl in heels is kinda ok too. But I think I'd be too elated or focused on one or the other there to enjoy the pizza.
7. Building or fixing things. I don't know how to explain this but the sense of accomplishment after starting with 1 thing & transforming it into something else is absolutely astonishing. There's nothing that even really compares to it, because it's a fully creative endeavor. And unlike say, having kids, you're either disappointed in your work as soon as it's done or when sat aside a similar piece of work, or you're not. But there's no risk of being disappointed in it 15-20 years down the line when it's an adult. 15-20 years down the line, if you don't like the thing you built, you can throw it away or sell it. But I think that's called murder or child abuse or human trafficking when you do it with children.
8. Apple products. Because I'm very happy when my stuff just all works together without me needing to dick around too much. And even when it gets a little goofy, that's minor compared to pretty much every other device integration in history made by anyone else. So fuck Google. Fuck Microsoft. Fuck Samsung & ok Linux, you're alright. But fuck everyone else. I'm out.
9. Belhaven Wee Heavy. Beer being this far down my list these days must be a sign that I'm getting old. 10 years ago, it would have been competing with pizza and butt sex for the top spot. But I guess like any 20-some-odd-year relationship, we aren't as close as we once were, but we're still always there for each other when we need the other. Yes, I know I'm almost 35 & the math there is weird. I was a professional at 15 and Beer & I had known each other for a few years before we got super close in my teens.
10. Anger. I know that for most people, this would not be on any sort of list of shit that they actually loved. But for me, it's different. Anger serves me well in life. From getting what I want to actually being able to write anything beyond an occasional email or txt message. Anything that might be even somewhat enjoyable or entertaining that I could put down in words or have fall out of my mouth has to come at least partially from anger. Well, anger or frustration or depression. But they're all pretty much one big ball of things that I don't deal well with so I redirect them & they comes out in the form of occasionally amusing borderline lunatic rantings. Which... well... hey, it's kinda part of who I am, right? So without the anger, I don't think I'm even a fun person to be around. Without the anger, I'm just some guy sitting in his recliner reading some comics, or doing yard work or cleaning the fucking house. I'm a boring motherfucker. I need anger. I need anger to be fun. To be funny. To be interesting. To be myself. And when I don't really have it, well... I'm just not even me & I kinda fucking hate it. I don't even like being around me when I don't have anger in my life.
And I'll be honest... but I've kinda given up on fighting the culture war at this point. My side (common fucking sense) has already essentially yielded far too much territory to the other side (complete & utter lunacy whose concept of logic borders on the fever-induced gibberish of a recently lobotomized mental patient) and I'm just waiting for them to hang themselves from the rope that they've demanded. So that part of my anger is a bit subdued for the time being. But the overall life anger is still there. It was just hibernating for a while.
So there you go... a Top 10 List of things that you're not getting under your chair for free later because I'm actually a spectacular wizard but I just don't like you & I'm greedy & keeping it all to myself.
This Is Your Fault - RTOTD #885
Day 885
I've been looking around the country at the colleges in the news for their crazy childish idiots running around & protesting shit & it dawned on me:
I was yelling at these idiots 4 years ago. Go back & dig up the blogs if you want. They're all there. And if more of YOU had yelled at them too, we probably wouldn't be watching this impenitrable thicket of stupidity where everyone is a victim & it's acceptable to throw a temper tantrum whenever anything at all offends anyone at all to any degree.
This is your fault. I did my job. I yelled at a shitload of them & I gave you all the ammunition that you needed to do it yourself. I'm blaming all of you for allowing this abortion of logic to infect the culture. It's the fringes of culture where these shitty ideas always start & its up to those with more neurons than amoeba to beat it back when someone proposes lunacy on the scale that started gaining steam in places like FetLife a handful of years ago. And we live on the fringe.
So this ridiculous clusterfuck of ineptitude & spoiled children that has been spreading like the least fun STD epidemic in history from Amherst to Yale to whatever bubble of progressive naïveté it will hit next.... It's your fault. I did my part. Because while I may be the ScienceJesus, I am damn sure not omniscient or omnipresent to throw these ideas into a wood chipper of logic every time some other half-witted pretentious social justice warrior spouts off their nonsense.
So I'm blaming you. This is your fault. And I'll never forget it.
I've been looking around the country at the colleges in the news for their crazy childish idiots running around & protesting shit & it dawned on me:
I was yelling at these idiots 4 years ago. Go back & dig up the blogs if you want. They're all there. And if more of YOU had yelled at them too, we probably wouldn't be watching this impenitrable thicket of stupidity where everyone is a victim & it's acceptable to throw a temper tantrum whenever anything at all offends anyone at all to any degree.
This is your fault. I did my job. I yelled at a shitload of them & I gave you all the ammunition that you needed to do it yourself. I'm blaming all of you for allowing this abortion of logic to infect the culture. It's the fringes of culture where these shitty ideas always start & its up to those with more neurons than amoeba to beat it back when someone proposes lunacy on the scale that started gaining steam in places like FetLife a handful of years ago. And we live on the fringe.
So this ridiculous clusterfuck of ineptitude & spoiled children that has been spreading like the least fun STD epidemic in history from Amherst to Yale to whatever bubble of progressive naïveté it will hit next.... It's your fault. I did my part. Because while I may be the ScienceJesus, I am damn sure not omniscient or omnipresent to throw these ideas into a wood chipper of logic every time some other half-witted pretentious social justice warrior spouts off their nonsense.
So I'm blaming you. This is your fault. And I'll never forget it.
Catharsis - RTOTD #884
Day 884
There are some points in your life where things that that angered you or previously would have gotten to you simply stop affecting you. A job where you're regularly unhappy. A restaurant that can't help but fuck up your food with every visit. Parties that you attend but are inevitably bored by. Any number of things that after you've beaten your head against the wall enough times, you come to accept the disappointment & stop trying to make it better before just giving up & move on to a different job, a different restaurant, or a better way to spend a Saturday night. You run out of fucks to give & energy to bother handing those fucks out if you find a spare few in your other pants.
It happens with people in life as well. Admittedly, most often with females, at least in my life. But its been known to happen with male friends as well. Either way, i just reach an end point with dealing with the bullshit that someone else routinely heaps upon my life & I shut down. I stop caring completely. I feel a little sad, certainly, but only at the knowledge that I've reached yet another off-ramp where I will once again, let a passenger out & continue on my way. That I've gotta slow to stop, and rather than be a dick & just shove them out of the car at 90 mph, throwing their shit out the window over the next 2 miles. Instead I stop & let them out, make sure they have all their baggage so I'm not saddled with any more than my own, and wish them luck while trying to not get hit by a semi when it's time to merge back onto the freeway.
It's a sad realization: that something once fun & great has become spoiled & toxic. That as much as you'd like, you might have been able to preserve it once but once bad, is forever ruined. And it's sadder yet that you don't really mourn for the thing itself, but for the waste of something, the time & energy expended in removing the toxicity that you be been exposed to, and the hole left to be refilled by something else.
It's a cathartic experience.
There are some points in your life where things that that angered you or previously would have gotten to you simply stop affecting you. A job where you're regularly unhappy. A restaurant that can't help but fuck up your food with every visit. Parties that you attend but are inevitably bored by. Any number of things that after you've beaten your head against the wall enough times, you come to accept the disappointment & stop trying to make it better before just giving up & move on to a different job, a different restaurant, or a better way to spend a Saturday night. You run out of fucks to give & energy to bother handing those fucks out if you find a spare few in your other pants.
It happens with people in life as well. Admittedly, most often with females, at least in my life. But its been known to happen with male friends as well. Either way, i just reach an end point with dealing with the bullshit that someone else routinely heaps upon my life & I shut down. I stop caring completely. I feel a little sad, certainly, but only at the knowledge that I've reached yet another off-ramp where I will once again, let a passenger out & continue on my way. That I've gotta slow to stop, and rather than be a dick & just shove them out of the car at 90 mph, throwing their shit out the window over the next 2 miles. Instead I stop & let them out, make sure they have all their baggage so I'm not saddled with any more than my own, and wish them luck while trying to not get hit by a semi when it's time to merge back onto the freeway.
It's a sad realization: that something once fun & great has become spoiled & toxic. That as much as you'd like, you might have been able to preserve it once but once bad, is forever ruined. And it's sadder yet that you don't really mourn for the thing itself, but for the waste of something, the time & energy expended in removing the toxicity that you be been exposed to, and the hole left to be refilled by something else.
It's a cathartic experience.
I Promise - RTOTD #883
Day 883
Did you hear that noise in the closet the other night? It sounded like something hit the wall.
Did you have a dream that there was someone standing over your head? It felt too real.
Did you hear something move in the bushes? But then it just stayed in the bushes right outside your window.
Did you swear that you left something in 1 place but find it somewhere else? It didn't grow legs & walk there.
I promise it wasn't me.
I promise.
Did you hear that noise in the closet the other night? It sounded like something hit the wall.
Did you have a dream that there was someone standing over your head? It felt too real.
Did you hear something move in the bushes? But then it just stayed in the bushes right outside your window.
Did you swear that you left something in 1 place but find it somewhere else? It didn't grow legs & walk there.
I promise it wasn't me.
I promise.
Bored To Death - RTOTD #882
Day 882
Blah blah privilege... Blah blah pronouns... Blah blah problem... Blah blah horrible assholes
Fucking whatever, kids. I mean, feel free to keep beating your drum but it's going to fall on deaf ears. I'm bored to death hearing about douchebags acting like douchebags & people pitching a bitch about it. We get it. A portion of the population act like entitled assholes online.
This is my shocked face....
You're preaching to the choir, children. Whenever you write some long, holier than thou, blame-casting declaration on loosely defined groups of people that are unlikely to ever hear you, much less care or be convinced to change their behavior.
Here's the thing: anybody that your rambling diatribe would apply to is going to ignore you. And those that don't will, out of spite, continue acting like horrible assholes to troll you because it's funny to them.
So instead of whining on the Internet about shit, just try to enjoy yourself, ignore obnoxious asshats & yell at them whenever you need to voice your rage. And feel free to enjoy tilting at windmills, but don't be shocked when you waste a whole lot of time & energy on things that no amount of incessant online posting will ever even hope to change.
And in the meantime, have a nice day.
I hate you all.
Blah blah privilege... Blah blah pronouns... Blah blah problem... Blah blah horrible assholes
Fucking whatever, kids. I mean, feel free to keep beating your drum but it's going to fall on deaf ears. I'm bored to death hearing about douchebags acting like douchebags & people pitching a bitch about it. We get it. A portion of the population act like entitled assholes online.
This is my shocked face....
You're preaching to the choir, children. Whenever you write some long, holier than thou, blame-casting declaration on loosely defined groups of people that are unlikely to ever hear you, much less care or be convinced to change their behavior.
Here's the thing: anybody that your rambling diatribe would apply to is going to ignore you. And those that don't will, out of spite, continue acting like horrible assholes to troll you because it's funny to them.
So instead of whining on the Internet about shit, just try to enjoy yourself, ignore obnoxious asshats & yell at them whenever you need to voice your rage. And feel free to enjoy tilting at windmills, but don't be shocked when you waste a whole lot of time & energy on things that no amount of incessant online posting will ever even hope to change.
And in the meantime, have a nice day.
I hate you all.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Deadpool Is Awesome - RTOTD #881
Day 881
How has this movie not happened yet?
How did Van Wilder not grow up to become Deadpool? Because fuck you, FOX. MAKE THIS MOVIE HAPPEN NOW!
And if you want to see it in hi-res, go HERE
How has this movie not happened yet?
And if you want to see it in hi-res, go HERE
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