Random Thought Of The Day #411

Day 411

One definition of insanity is repeating the same action over and over and expecting a different result. I'm one of those people that generally don't qualify as insane under that defintion (though I can guarantee that there are a number of other defintions that I would most certainly qualify under) because I learn from mistakes.

And god damn, have I made enough to write about a half dozen books on them.

But for some reason... and I think we all have had this person in our lives... one girl is just fucking Kryptonite for me. Actually, not exactly Kryptonite. More like somewhere between Kryptonite, my own personal White Whale, the Shelby GT 500 in Gone In 60 Seconds, and that weird kid in the 3rd X-Men movie with the shaved head that made people lose their super powers that I think was supposed to be Leech but wasn't cause Leech is green and kinda looks like Lord Voldemort would if he was homeless.

Oh... wow... white whale and referring to a girl... probably not the best use of metaphor there... you know what I meant... the figurative literary reference... damn... foot... meet mouth... told you she was my fucking Kryptonite too...

But regardless...

I think we all have that one person... guy or girl... where they're like this unattainable thing that every time we get closer and closer, something prevents us from getting them. Like the kids in the Trix commercials and we're the fucking Rabbit. But yet somehow, for some reason, we remain always stuck on them in some way. Even if we go on and end up happily with someone else and living a life... there's always that one person that was utter perfection for you that, at best, you might have got a taste of for a short period, but could never quite hold on to.

Or just some sort of fucked up variables in your life's equation that just prevent you from ever quite making it work. Either way...

I have mine... and like an idiot, I can't seem to move on from her. Haven't even seen her in almost a year, and can't move on from her. Hell, we've had only about 3 conversations since last summer and inevitably it comes back to her telling me how much she misses me and wishes things were different and me being fucking silent about it... acknowledging her, admitting to similar feelings and knowing and being forced to be the one to remind her that the variables that prevented things from working the most recent time around haven't changed. And won't be changing for a while, if ever.

But at the end of the day... A decade and almost a half of knowing each other... she's still my own personal Kryptonite and I'm still hung up about it...

And I'm still doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result... yeah... I might actually be crazy.