So... just in case you didn't get the fucking memo (that I didn't write, send, or even comtemplate circulating), the BimBeaus party is re-scheduled for the 24th (instead of the 31st) because of some scheduling issues.
So remember to check dates and shit. Every once in a while, things change. This was one of those times.
Wow... 30 words in and I've already ran out of shit to talk about.
Actually... here's something that I DO want to talk about a little bit. It's something that I've seen has been a minor problem recently with some of my close friends... I don't know if it's like "epidemic" status or if it's more of just coincidence or whatever. But it's something that I know I've been kinda guilty of recently, and I know a few of my close friends have been as well.
Failure to communicate effectively.
There seems to be a direct correlation between communication and definition of relationships. Often times, communication OF the defintion of relationships is the problem. But they seem to be interconnected to a great degree.
It seems like us kinky people sometimes don't like defining or labeling ourselves or our relationships. Sometimes, for pretty good reason. You don't wanna fuck up something that is working by throwing labels or anything on it. Ok... cool. I get that...
I've had that in the past. And the minute I wanted clarification on the dynamic and to actually figure out what it was, shit went south pretty damn quick. Possibly because labeling things or naming them or defining them puts requirements on things. I'm not sure it really matters WHY in this particular case, but I've seen it happen over and over with other friends.
That girl or guy you have that you sometimes fuck or play with yet somehow always seem to have a connection to knowing when the other is in the mood for a hook-up of some sort? Yeah... you think a little too much about that and it goes tits up. It happens. You start trying to put any labels on that and you might as well call it a day now, cause shit ain't gonna get less cloudy and you're not gonna care less about clarification the longer there isn't any. And there won't be.
But there's another side to it. And it's the way that lack of definition can sometimes be used subconsciously (or even consciously) to avoid potentially awkward conversations by rationalizing "hey, there's no definition here therefore we don't have any claims over one another and can therefore do whatever we want without really consulting one another." to some extent. Like ... to use a cliched pun (which I am sometimes wont to do)... almost similar to the old "ships passing in the night" thing. You don't owe anyone anything. They don't owe you anything.
But the thing is... it doesn't really work that way. Not defining things doesn't give people carte blanche (hey, I can't believe I actually got to use that stupid fucking phrase in one of these things. Did I really just say that?) to do what they want. Hell, it doesn't even give you freedom to do what you think is OK.
I don't know where I'm really going with this, but I'm just saying that you people should talk more. Don't be afraid of naming dynamics. Be considerate. Don't rationalize the freedom to do whatever the fuck you want because you didn't name something that would imply or explicitly state that you can't do something. A lack of defined restriction is not a freedom to do that thing without repercussions. It just means you have no idea what the fuck the fallout might be. It could be a "meh" and something forgotten in 3 more seconds... or it could be a kick in the balls and a baseball bat to the back of your skull. Just saying.
My communication skills are mediocre at best, but I'm kinda working on it. And if yours are the same way or just plain suck? At least make sure they're good enough to communicate that your communication skills suck.
And finally, an awkward conversation right now or next week might prevent a really ugly one a few weeks down the line.
There's your cliched public service announcement for all of you moderately poly people *COUGH* FUCKING ALL OF YOU *COUGH* or anyone who has anyone that could even reasonably be considered more than a platonic friend.
I'm just saying.
And now, back to your regularly scheduled fuckery.
And Deadpool
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