Random Thought Of The Day #590

Day 590

So... we're broke right? I mean the country. Spending a fuck-ton... actually, a metric fuck-ton... of money that doesn't really exist and pretty much just playing a really shitty game of Monopoly right now, right? Largest 1-month deficit in history was in February. Hundreds of billions of dollars on wars... another billion dollars just last year on advertising the government. All that fun stuff.

Before I continue... I need to laugh at the ridiculousness of advertising the government. Cause really... did anyone forget that they were there?

Oh wait... it was for making the government look all nice and caring and sweet and helpful and not that they're just out to take as much of your god damned money as possible while bending us over and find a way to restrict something else every day that we used to be able to do, fucking us up the ass with one of those huge fist dildos. You know the one I'm talking about. Not the pointy kind with the fingers all pulled together and whatnot into a point. I mean the actual fist shaped one. Yeah. That one. That'll suck.

Now where was I? Oh yeah... wasting fucking money.

But they are doing something that is such a gigantic waste of money that I fucking LOVE it.

The State Dept. is putting together a massive search for Amelia Earhart's plane. Yeah.

Bermuda Triangle motherfuckers!

Now we're really gonna get some cool shit. They're gonna find like Atlantis and Flight 19 and a bunch of old pirate gold and fucking aliens and shit in the process. Hell, maybe they find a magical gateway to the Devil's Sea on the other side of the planet.

Motherfucking Namor is gonna pop up when we find us some Atlantis down there and kick all kinds of ass.

Even with those gay wings on his ankles. And wearing a scale-mail speedo. Sorry dude... not intimidating at all. Kinda pansy-ass if you ask me. Although you can still probably kick Aquaman's ass. That dude is a real pussy.

And yeah, I know. She disappeared in the Pacific. But that's where that magical gateway to the Devil's Sea comes into play! See? I'm using my thinkin box! I'm figuring all this shit out. It's a big conspiracy and the fucking aliens totally got something to do with this. The aliens and their minions in the government. It's a huge cover up. Cause that's the East Pole and makes the planet spin. It's the secret that nobody knows. But I figured it out.

Now how are we gonna make Easter Island fit in with this too?

Fucking aliens, man. Aliens did it. And they're building a space elevator to Mars down there. And after it's built, that's how they're gonna bring down the whole fucking Martian army. It's sneakier that way. That's the biggest secret of them all.

But they're gonna hide it. And I'm gonna be bummed.

Or maybe it'll just be Asians.

But hey... new Harlan Coben book out today. And it's got absolutely nothing to do with Aliens or the Bermuda triangle or crazy disappearing planes from the 1920's and pirate ships from the 1700's. I promise.

And @ElitistFucks munch tonight, bitches! Be there.