Day 638
I just feel compelled to mention something, because I think it gets lost on some people in a lot of my "fuck the community-concept at large" thoughts.
"fuck community" ≠ "abandon friendships & connections, cease gathering and learning and teaching with other kinky folks, go back to the alone-at-home-on-your-computer world of imaginary kink, etc"
It just means that I am done with the social structure. I'm done with the establishment. I just don't have the energy or desire to deal with the tsunami of suck that it's become. I don't care what anyone else does. And more power to those that keep going. You've got more tolerance for soul-sucking shit than I do. I might think you're wasting your time and I might even tell you that, but hey... your call.
I'd much rather just kinda do my own thing, ignore the larger community, and enjoy myself. Something that doesn't feel like a chore.
And while I do kinda find the long & meandering "I'm leaving" posts to be generally self-serving, attention-whoring pap, they do occasionally serve a multitude of purposes. Not the least of which are the following 2:
1. A particular reason. There could be a multitude of reasons that can get under the skin of everyone enough that they finally say "oh, fuck this noise" and bounce. It could be an environment or a vibe that they don't like. It could be a good number of the people that are attending things. It could be a policy or whatever. Doesn't really matter. But something finally acted as that last straw for them.
And the thing is, this is something that one person can't change. And unless they're willing to be loud as fuck about it, in cases like this community, it falls on deaf ears. Even if 95% of the people there feel the same way about it, nobody really knows except the handful of close friends that tell it to their other friends. Only a handful of people really care about rocking the boat and 99% of the rest just want to do their thing and not cause a thing. That's the downside of it being as ridiculously undemocratic as it is here. Opinions are never really polled until someone forces that particular thing into the public forum. Squeaky wheel getting the grease, and all that.
But it's a Catch-22 for the individual. If you keep going in spite of how much fun you're NOT having, then you haven't followed the first rule of consumerism (let your wallet/feet do the talking), and you're generally ignored because it obviously isn't a big enough issue that it pushes you to walk away. And since organizations (and the community is one) don't generally change until pressure is put on it by any number of reasons, and losing "consumers" is one of those big ones, your concerns aren't taken as seriously.
But the other side of that is an argument that I've been hearing far too often recently. If you don't attend, and only comment online, then your voice doesn't merit consideration. I'm still confused by this logic. Because it's akin to ignoring non-customers when they send in suggestions to change the product and explanations as to why they don't buy a product but wanting them to buy your product. "I would buy your widget if it was in purple" is met with a reply of "if you don't buy our widget, why should we listen to what color you want it to be available in?". That's the same logic. But whatever. It's becoming commonly accepted. Nobody ever accused the masses of being all that awesome at critical thinking.
But it remains a Catch-22. Come and your issues are ignored because it's obviously not a serious thing. Don't come and your issues are ignored because you don't come.
Confused yet? Exactly.
2. Convenience. Just to keep up with friends. We often have hundreds of peripheral friends but only maybe a half dozen or 2 dozen people we actually routinely hang out with. We might not want to deal with whatever in the community anymore, but that doesn't mean we want to disregard friendships or connections. So those peripheral friends don't see us for a while, and they start going "hmmm, maybe they're busy? I don't want to bother them. I'll see them when I see them" and over time, we're forgotten about when they never do see us. Granted, the internet goes both ways, but still.
So since there isn't a mass-messaging option, and your close friends will still keep in contact regardless, it's often far easier to just post a note about it. What's the other options? Just disappear? Counterproductive. Individually e-mail all the peripheral friends on your list? Tedious and annoying as fuck. So we let people know as easily as possible. All that stuff.
Though I will offer the suggestion that it not turn into a manifesto or some bitch session or your therapeutic venting time. Keep it short and sweet. I know we're naturally prone to making it into a bigger thing it is because we don't feel like answering the same "why did you decide to stop coming?" e-mail or question 127 times in the next 4 weeks or so, but it's really not going to do anyone any favors to write a long, rambling reason as to why you're leaving. It'll just make you look like another fucking drama queen.
But hey, I should talk. I think I'm making well-reasoned posts. Others don't. So hey, whatever. Feel free to ignore anything I just said.
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