Random Thought Of The Day #637

Day 637

Hey... State of New Jersey. Yeah, I'm talking to you.

Go fuck yourself.

Every time I think that there's no way you can become more fucking stupid, you find a way.

First, I can't pump my own gas. Go fuck yourself. That's the most retarded fucking rule in history. Because pumping gas requires being a professional. What? Was there a rash of gasoline fights back in the day that made you decide that only trained professionals can figure out how to operate a gas pump? Sorry to break it to you, but a chimp can do that. Not even a trained chimp. You pull a car up to a gas pump, open the gas cap, and let the chimp grab the nozzle, even he can figure this out.

How are you supposed to see the hot girls that are sometimes pumping gas and hit on them if they don't even get out of the car? How are you supposed to see them bend at the waist just to stick their ass out? Huh? Yeah, that's what I thought!

And speaking of untrained chimps, another reason to fucking hate your state is Jersey Shore. For fucks sake. Really? Thanks for glamorizing the 21st century equivalent of glam rockers. And then show how they somehow managed to out-douche 80's LA clubbers. Cause what we needed was to find a better way to glamorize these caricatures anymore than that. Though glamorizing the trampyness of the walking cum dumpsters that those jack wagons constantly hit on is perfectly fine. I whole-heartedly support more women hyper-sexualizing themselves for attention.

But now you've gone too fucking far, New Jersey.

Like, to the point that I want to make a trip out there just to set the garbage dump that makes up 94.2% of your state on fire. Nobody will notice. Hell, it won't even really change the smell that much. Well... maybe. I don't really know what happens when you set that much body bronzer and hair gel on fire at the same time. Something tells me it probably can't stink any more than everything else out there.

But no, you've gone far too fucking far now. Making it criminal to drive with your pet if they are not buckled up.

You got a 4 lbs dog that can fit in a gerbil carrier? Sure. Make people do something with that shit. It'll get down under your feet and shit. But about you come over here and show me how the fuck I'm supposed to buckle my 95 lbs dog into the back seat. Cause I'm drawing a blank here. This might come as a shock to you, but dogs don't have the same skeletal structure as children. While I might treat my dog like it's my kid, I also know that I can't give him a t-shirt and jeans. Cause they don't make those for dogs. And in the same way, I also can't sit my dog in the back seat like a child. Because the seats weren't designed for dogs, you half-witted adminocrat.

And dogs can't stick their heads out the windows of cars? Tell that to the dogs.

Seriously, New Jersey... go die. Please. Can we just cut you off and let you drift into the ocean to die a horrible guido death when all of your body sprays and hair products run out. Or the slow death once the power goes out and your tanning beds can no longer gun. I'm pretty sure that by now, you can't go a day without some sort of physical withdrawl symptoms. Your skin tries to run and hide in a corner while it gets the shakes. You offer to blow strangers just for "2 minutes in the bed man. That's all I need. Just 2 minutes on a sun bed!" so you can get your fix.

I hate your state.

Oh, and hey... when the mob doesn't have anywhere else to drop the bodies after your hellhole of a state is gone, they can start using Philly. Cause fuck that place too.