Random Thought Of The Day #718

Day 718

It's weird to be both in a great mood and in pain at the same time. Especially for someone that isn't a masochist on any level. Well, maybe from time to time when it comes to reading really really REALLY bad books or watching movies so horrible that they're kinda awesome. But other than my occasional and quite particular cinematic and literary masochism, to be in both a good mood and in physical pain is an odd dichotomy.

I don't know what I did, but my back is giving me some problems again. It started late last night and didn't get any better over night. I think it might be a "back to the doctor for painkillers, anti-inflammatory, and some muscle relaxors" thing again. It's not nearly the kind of pain I had earlier this year that put me in bed for 2 straight days, but it's just sore.

I think a lot of this comes down to lifestyle in the past year or so. I've been falling more and more into the "excess" side of life without as much of the maintenance.

I know that my friends already joke that based on my diet and lifestyle, it's a toss-up as to if I'm going to die of a heart attack or cancer first. I'm kinda torn. I think it's about 50/50 at this point.

But it reminds me that I really need to get back into a gym. My body doesn't like carrying the extra 30 or 40 or maybe even 50 lbs that I've been carrying around for the last few years. It's not much compared to many other people, but my body really REALLY doesn't like it. It's not used to it. It's used to being at a solid 180-190 and I've been in the lower half of the 200 scale for a while now. I don't like it, but I'm fucking lazy anymore. I don't have the motivation, and to be honest, hard-drinking, heavy-smoking, unhealthy-eating, and generally living a life of excess and long-term-self-destruction.

It's more fun. I know that. I also know it's not sustainable. But on this one and only issue, I just can't motivate myself to actually make any changes. Though I do know that most of them would be pretty simple. The diet side is easy. And to be honest, so is the gym thing once I've hit the 1-month mark (without more than a 2 or 3 day miss in there as well) of working myself into the habit again. I used to work out like a fiend when I was younger, but between some back issues and an MCL tear at one point, I just got out of the habit. The older I got, the harder that habit became to get back into. I need to do that.

No, where my issues are going to come in is the smoking side. I just don't care enough to quit. They say you have to want to quit. I don't. I kind of enjoy the relaxation that comes with it. Cigars, cigarettes, whatever... I just enjoy that relaxation that comes with it. It's something to do to occupy my hands and mouth and whatnot.

I don't know where I'm really going with this. Though I do think I kinda ruined the "good mood" I had going on before I started writing about this. LOL!

But no big deal. I'll be in a good mood about something else in another 20 minutes or so.