Random Thought Of The Day #719

Day 719

Next election season, I think we need to use a new format for determining the candidates.

We need to go Survivor style. But with an axe-wielding maniac.

Someone else suggested American Gladiators style, but I think this would be better. Unless they all have to wear the American Gladiator outfits and get the huge American Gladiators style hair. Then it would be comedy gold.

I always thought that show would have been a lot better if they had to survive an axe wielding maniac while trapped on an island or in some closed nature preserve type thing. I always wanted to use the cast of Jersey Shore or The Real World as the competitors, but now that I think about it, the Presidential election season would be even more amusing.

Granted, we could still use those other competitors during the other 3 years prior to the election year, but during election year, we need to use all of the candidates as the competitors.

Here's what we do:

Each party has to find at least 6 or 7 candidates. And then we throw in a handful of Independent/3rd Party types to round out the cast. I can only image the Green Party candidate trying to make friends with the owls to help save him/her from the axe-wielding maniac. But we throw all of these people on the island, each with a backpack worth of food & weapons & tools and shit. Even the party in power has to field a team. And if the sitting President doesn't want to compete, then they are banned from running in the upcoming election.

So then they have tribes like on Survivor. But to start, it's divided by Party, with a few 3rd party types mixed in. Each week, one one of the parties has to compete and one of the members of that party is going to get picked off by the resident Maniac. Then the next week, the other Party has to compete. The competition would be a 24-hour survival mission to go get some object from the lair of the Axe-Wielding Maniac that's located on the other side of the island & there's booby-traps along the way.

Think of it like Battle Royale meets Hunger Games meets Survivor meets Presidential Politics. Oddly enough, I think they all fit the same type of genre. Except the first 2 are a little more honest than the 4th one and the 3rd one is just a bullshit all-ages version of the other 3.

And the game will be over when there's only 2 candidates left. Those are then the 2 that end up on the Ballot in November. The game can also end when there's 1 candidate left from each of the Big 2 parties and any number of 3rd party candidates and the other candidates agree to end the game. Since you're mixing the 3rd party candidates with both of the Big 2 parties, you might end up with Democrat vs Libertarian party in the primary election.  You also might end up with Republican vs The Rent Is Too Damn High party in the primary election.

I want to see that guy win. Because he's a Karate Expert.

 

 

Benifits of this method of determining candidates? We can thin out the surplus of lawyers, legislators, bullshit artists, liars, thugs, and general assholes that permeate American politics. Think about that...

 

Plus, tell me it wouldn't be funny to see these idiots doing this and getting chased around by an Axe Wielding Maniac? And I'd love to see if that prototype T-888 with an (R) next to his name is really a robot or not. I think he is. And I also wonder if the President's teleprompter will be a useful tool for him in a competition like this.

 

I'm going to have the secret service or FBI knocking on my door by this time next week, aren't I? Fuck...

 

(hint: This whole thing is a joke and while I really think all of these people are obnoxious assholes that should stop talking and leave us all alone, but I don't want any of them dead or anything stupid like that. I just think this would be funny in theory. I don't think it would be as funny in practice. Well, maybe, but I'm not a TV producer so it will never happen. Though I would piss myself if it did.)