Fuck Philly - RTOTD #796

Day 796

I hate the Flyers. And when I say that, I don't mean it in the way that I hate asparagus or that I hate traffic. Yeah, I might pitch a minor bitch about those things, but the Flyers? The Flyers make me lose my god damned mind.

There's just something about that team that just drives me up the motherfucking wall. Something about the smugness of their fans. The way that half of their fucking team looks like they're inbred cousins of each other (Tell me that Giroux, Harnell, Couterier and a few others don't all look alike) or the way that the national TV announcers verbally fellate pretty much their entire organization, it drives me up the motherfucking wall. Hey Filthy... why don't you try winning something in the last 37 years and then earn some kinda recognition. Oh what? You won a World Series? Congratulations, it's baseball. That's barely a fucking sport.

I rarely have wished injury or death on anyone, but I want that whole fucking city to burn down and for that team to die in a fiery bus accident. Fuck you, Philadelphia. Your city is a filthy, drug-infested ghetto owned by almost entirely by a price-gouging cable monopoly with shitty service. Your most famous local cultural icon is a fucking fictional character! I mean, what else do you have to say about the level of delusion that Philadelphia lives in when they have to idolize a fictional character to personify their city. That's like New York putting up a statue of Spider-Man in front of the fucking Met. Hey, he's inspiring and shit, but he's still an imaginary fucking character!

The only thing redeeming about your shithole city is Pat's Cheese Steaks. And even then, I could live with never eating another one of them if your whole city burned to the fucking ground in exchange. Hopefully, with you bitch hockey team stuck in cement in the middle of it so they can't escape. Go fuck yourselves and die.

Have a nice day. I hope your entire city steps on Legos all day long for the rest of forever.