Murderizer - RTOTD #801

Day 801

A thought came to me today & I felt compelled to share it. Because I'm a gracious deity & you have sort-of behaved recently.

I think we should begin a new tradition. I've always been curious as to why Good Friday is labeled as such. A motherfucker got murdered & we call it Good Friday. And in the same way that names matter and we should begin calling Killer Whales by their true name of Death Dolphins, we should rename Good Friday & give it some significance.

I say that the new name for it should be Murder Friday.

And to go along with the new names, a new tradition. Now, I haven't worked out all the kinks in it yet, but I think that... Once a year.... We all get together, vote for the person most likely to be the 2nd coming... And kill them. If they come back, we know we found the right guy.

Or we just get together and kill someone we don't like. Or a Flyers fan. Or just a Flyer.

Just an idea. It makes sense, right? I totally think it makes sense.

Evolution: Phase II - RTOTD #800

Day 800

I've been writing this thing again for yet another 400 days. The first 400 were FetLife exclusive, with the other 400 days as a sort-of "phase 2" which, to be honest, should have culminated in the book release as poetic justice or sometthing, but I kept going for another 100 or so days after that.

In the last few years that I've been writing this, it's gone from me just venting about something like not getting enough sleep to threatening to active subliminal suicide messages embedded in the writing, to becoming a commentator about pretty much anything in the local kink community. And then I needed a break.

I came back to this thing 400 writing-days ago with a slightly different focus. I started telling more stories. I would comment on larger issues outside of the kink world. I would occasionally bitch about something or get analytical about some of my bigger kinks. I effectively started editorializing on a larger scale, and with a signficantly larger audience.

I tried to do other things with this little corner of the intarwubz as well. Some were interesting, some were stupid, a handfull were fucking moronic, and some that were just a good goddamned time. Kinky Mad Libs, some of the stories that eventually ended up as part of "Hold My Beer & Watch This", an open forum for discussing taboo kinks, or even a few Ask Me Anything's.

All of which I did while still being absurd and amusing to all but a few idiots without a sense of humor. And those idiots just made it funnier for those of us WITH a sense of humor.

That's before I even mention my ever-present commentary on world events, local kink community bullshit, and even making the attempt to be the voice of fucking reason when some of you people lose your goddamned minds about shit and go off like crazy townspeople chasing down Frankenstein's Monster. And I still took the time to make fun of idiots, hypocrites, and the over-sensitive naval-gazing children that seem to be running rampant around here over the past few years.

And when I need to be the voice of reason on ANYTHING... well.... that should be a good indication that you all have gone off the fucking deep end. I mean, come on... I don't know the last time someone described me or anything I do as "in moderation".

I hadn't planned on doing this. I wanted to try to see if I could keep up the energy to work on the 2nd book and hit Day 1000 without a break (except for when I'm on vacation or out of town on business), but in the past week or 2, it's really been reaching that point where I just need a break.

I'm kinda tired of wracking my brain 5 days a week for the past nearly-3-years to find something to talk about. When I first started this up again, the ideas just came out every day. I could sit down and not even think at all and 1000 words came flowing right out of my fingers. Then 2000. Then 5000. Then an 80,000 word book. For the record, that's about standard novel length.

But since the new year, I've been struggling. I've been devoid of inspiration. Nothing strikes me. I don't want to just keep writing the stories only and hold nothing back to get you motherfuckers to actually buy the next book when it comes out, but at the same time, I feel like I've been only in the "book mode" for the past few months. The problem with that is that I spend so much time thinking about what I want to write for THIS thing each day that I just don't want to think anymore to start working on actually getting the stories back out of my head (and double-check some of my more fuzzy memories from them by asking friends that were there) and onto the screen.

So I've just  been feeling worn out by it. And I wanted to just take a break.

But I still couldn't. I kept going for another month or 2 and pushed thru it. I know that the quality has suffered since then. I've kinda hated just about everything that I've written this year, and judging by the lack of comments, you don't seem terribly moved by it either. Though the page hits on the blog site have been increasing every month for the past 6 and have nearly tripled since March of 2012, so you're all either getting the link from Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, or actually looking at the blog site for the full versions cause you're tired of the text-only version on Fet. But comments have dwindled to almost nothing.

And well, comments and loves are what puts the Fet version into your activity feed. It also puts it into the Friend Feed of everyone on you friends list, which then they eventually click on after seeing something different of mine getting commented on or loved by you every day, which slowly expands readership. This is kinda the basics of grassroots marketing.

Hell, 95% of the positive comments I've gotten on the book have been either in the form of private messages or in-person. And while I love those, hey guys... maybe tell OTHER people about it. I don't mean to be a dick here (or maybe I do)... but I KNOW the book was good. I wrote it. Even if I hated it after reading it through like 7 times during the writing/half-assed-self-editing-because-none-of-my-volunteer-editors-actually-edited-it-or-even-read-it process. The thing is... other people might NOT know it's good. So um... tell them? Not me?

(Oh god, kill me... I just resorted to a combination "you're doing it wrong" and self-promoting-asshattery and a request for grassroots advertising help in the same 2 paragraphs. I kinda wanna kill myself now. Sorry.)

Throw in that Fet has been a fucking ghost town for months now and I'm starting to see the tumbleweeds rolling from everyone other than the 50 Shades newbs and the asshats that feel compelled to constantly pimp their groups or events (for the record, I don't even ANNOUNCE anything. I create an event and walk away and still get 40-50 people to show up for something. Call me when you can pull that off while still being an outright dick to most people at the exact same time) or the people that do nothing but argue the administraive and protocol bullshit of different groups or Fet's Terms Of Use.

To be perfectly blunt, opening up Safari to just see that shit every time I look is just taxing. And draining. To the point that I'm not even sure if I care about cross-posting to Fet anymore. Mostly because I don't want to look at the pointless boring shit that is being posted there at this point. I just don't care.

So with all that said, I need a break. I am putting this column on indefinite hiatus. I know that I'm going to get bored soon and my brain will again start filling up with things to say and I just feel completely compelled to bring this thing back from the dead once again, but in the meantime, I need a break.

I guess 400 days is where my gas meter hits zero after all and it's time for a fill-up.

I'll still be here and I'll still be tweeting and occasionally status-updating and shit, but I'm taking a break from this one thing in particular. When the fun morning thing that you do while waking your brain up to do real work start turning into draining work before actually doing real work, it's just not worth the effort. In the meantime, I'm going to tak the time to recommit to working on the 2nd book (seriously guys, I even gave you a contest to name the next book and got exactly 1 response that wasn't even an offer for a book title. That should probably explain why I'm tired of writing this thing right now) maybe do some other minor tweaks to Hold My Beer & Watch This, and possibly work on expanding the web presence to launch an actual website with some of the better stuff there, but that still links back here for the RTOTD.

So yeah, when this comes back again, I can guarantee that I'll have changed it yet again. Because it will never remain static. Every attempt I've made it focusing this onto 1 or 2 more focused themes has been pointless. Because I'm not that focused of a person. I am random. And strange. And I do wildly unexpected shit because that's what comes natural to me. I mean... seriously. This is me we're talking about here? Or that I'm talking about.

So I'll catch you later, kids. Try to entertain yourselves without me?

Surprise - RTOTD #799.1

Day 799.1

So we have a surprise for you all that are attending the party on Saturday...

Well... 2 surprises:

Firs surprise... It's not really a surprise if you read the updated event info. It's a masquerade party. Costumes are optional.... Masks are mandatory.

Second surprise is the good one though.

We're giving you a little something different since it's Easter season fast approaching & this is the only time we'll have the chance to do something like this.

We're giving you a kinky Easter Egg Hunt!

We'll explain the rules when you get here. So try to show up at the beginning of the party or all of the eggs might already be found. Plus, I don't feel like explaining everything twice. I'm a dick like that. Some of the eggs will have candy. Some will have punishments. Some will have small presents or rewards.

See you Saturday.

Snow Day - RTOTD #799

Day 799

I miss being a kid and waking up to find out we have a snowday. Today would have likely been one of those days. As a result, I kinda want to leave work early, go home, build a snow fort, and have a snowball fight with someone. Maybe my dog. Like I would have done when it was a day like this when I was like 10.

Or maybe I'd go do what I would when I was 16 and go snowboarding. Maybe with Chloroform. If I had any.

Or maybe... just maybe... I'll hide in a snow drift tonight... outside of your house... wait until you go to sleep, and then sneek in with a knife. Right after the power has gone out from the snow on the power lines.

Because there's nothing more magical and wintery than a psychopath in your bedroom standing over you in the darkness with a knife while you're asleep, right?

Force - RTOTD #798

Day 798

So I didn't really do much while I was in Texas that's story-worthy. For the most part, I just kinda went into the office there, did all the stuff that I needed to, went back to my hotel and took a shower, hunted fuuds and then watched Netflix. To be honest, it was pretty boring.

However, I did hang out with an old friend/ex-girlfriend and her fiance while I was there. And I got substitute dogs to hang out with during my trip. The office in Houston has a "yard dog" that kinda plays guard dog. He's an old boy that you can tell is getting up in age (he's been there for as long as I can remember, and I was first at that yard 8 or 9 years ago) and was a stray that wandered in and never left because he kinda found a "home" in a scrap yard.

I also got to get my evening substitute puppy time with my old friend's dog. They have a year-old puppy that is full of energy. About the size of @Artemis_Fallen's dog. But taller and skinnier. Still all paws and legs like a lot of year-old puppies. But I'm not here to talk about the dogs. As much as it was fun to play with them.

Well, the one evening, we all went to dinner with their other roomies. I drove, like usual, mostly because my rental was the biggest of all the cars and it was easier to just take the 1. On the way, we ended up having a conversation about how much of an influence I have on people. Primarily with the girls that I have dated, and in 1 way in particular.

While we agreed that it was likely because I hadn't quite figured out my Bimboization kink nearly as much as I have at this point (which is still pretty far from fully examined), apparently for a long period of time I was subconsciously engaging in basically Forced Feminization. But Forced Feminization of women, which is a little more obscure of a kink than the more standard submissive male kink of being force feminized by a FemDom. For those readers out there that aren't as familiar with some of the kinky stuff that I write about (believe it or not, there are a lot of vanilla readers that send me e-mail asking questions about the kinkier stuff that I write) most of the time, Forced Feminization is something that I have seen associated with humiliation for submissive males. I, on the other hand, practiced virtually the same thing on girls. But not necessarily with an emphasis on the humiliation aspect, though I guess it was still there to a degree because it wasn't something they were entirely comfortable with, or else it wouldn't have been "forced".

I mean, I guess I was doing it. And I was being clear from the beginning that "this is how it was gonna be if you really have any interest in dating me". But I didn't really "name" it. I just kinda said "here's the things that I like" and then went from there.

But part of the conversation was also on the way that that impact stretched beyond the period of time that we were dating. The way that those changes that I demanded in wardrobe or how they did their makeup or whatever... the way that they stuck with the people I dated. The way that they liked the changes that I had made to the point of not only continuing to present themselves in a similar fashion, but in the way that they occasionally even continued down the same road that was not necessarily discussed but anyone with 2 firing neurons could figure out where the road led.

And after thinking about it and thinking about the other girls that I've dated that I demanded similar "changes" out of, and on occasions that I would run into them down the line at something, how often they had also kept those same "changes".

I just find it interesting. And to a degree, it's a validation of what I was doing. I hesitate to use the term "improve" when it comes to the long-term impact that I could possibly have on someones life, but in the few discussions that I had with people while we were dating, mostly to get their feedback and see if they were growing comfortable with those changes, or even in cases where I spoke to them after the fact, the general concensus was that they were happier with themselves after the fact than they were before. So hey, maybe I'll chalk it up to some positive reinforcement and being at the right place at the right time. And because I'm a complete narcissist, I kinda like that I ended up being "right" as well as finding out that I wasn't just being humored or placated while we were together if they chose to keep those changes after the fact.

Maybe it's just my thing? Find kinda hippy chicks or the types that don't put that much effort into their appearance (or those that are just a little shy and want to blend in rather than stand out) and then push them in a way to alter their appearance in a way that they likely would not have without prompting, and then doing so in a way that improves their self-esteem.

So I guess I'm doing a public service. I'm like a Life Coach... for whorification!

The Doktor: Helping Womens' Self-Esteem, One Bimbo-Building At A Time.

You can all thank me. Line forms to the left.

What's In A Name? - RTOTD #797

Day 797

Wait a second... you can now sell the naming rights to your kids on the Internet? I'd almost be willing to have a kid just to sell their naming rights! Granted, I'd hand the kid to the first stranger that passed me on the street and told them to take it because I didn't want it right after I got the check for the naming rights, but still...  This is fucking brilliant!

And before you throw a tantrum about how wrong this is, it's not like the kids get a fucking vote in their name now. The parents are picking it. If they decide to crowdsource the name and make some bank on it, is there REALLY that much wrong with it? Now if you start ending up with people selling their kids names to corporations like they were sports arenas or stadiums, well... I guess then I might see an issue with it. I mean, the Internet deciding your kid should be named "Gaia Smith" and paying you $5,000 for the privilege of picking it out is one thing. Naming your kid "1-800-FlowersDotCom Jones"  for a half million or something is entirely different.

Can I sell MY naming rights on the Internet? Cause that would be awesome. I'll go by whatever the hell these people want me to for the right price.

So here's the deal... I already let Doxie call me Joe-Joe in exchange for doing my laundry (which, let me clarify here, was NOT a 1-time thing. You want to keep calling me Joe-Joe? You gotta keep doing my laundry!)

But I think it's time you motherfuckers started paying me if you want to call me other weird names. So what do you want to call me? Put it in the comments section and I'll reply back with the price that I think it's worth for me to be inconvenienced by that name. And if you are willing to put up ENOUGH money, I might even be willing to get my name legally changed to whatever the fuck it is that you all pick. But I'm gonna want paid for going that far.

Speaking of naming things though... I'm not sure I like my originally planned name for the eventual 2nd book. I had thought that "Mostly Drunk & Always Disorderly" was a good one, but I'm not sure.

So here's a contest: Make a suggestion for a title. And if I pick yours, I'll give you a free signed copy of the 1st book in your preferred format (eBook, paperback, or hard cover) AND a free signed copy of the 2nd one (whenever I'm done with it) in your preferred format, as well as a credit for the naming.