I (Less Than 3) Commies - RTOTD #834

Day 834

This is why I love commies. It really takes almost zero effort to make fun of them. They really do just hand you the material and wait for you to make the joke. Fuck, you don't even need to write it. I could stand up and just read the newspaper and it reads like comedy.

Kim Jong-Un had his ex-girlfriend and their entire band executed for violating North Korea's anti-pornography laws. Because I guess they made a porn and sold it in China.

Seriously. A dozen people. Executed for making weak-ass clebrity porn and trying to be the Tommy Lee & Pam Anderson of Asia.

$5 says it was recorded on a Betamax camcorder because they still don't have digital.

And it's all in greyscale or with that blue/grey hue from CSI New York and all of the winter episodes of Law & Order. In fact, I have never been to North Korea, but I'm gonna bet that when you walk across the border from South Korea into North Korea, everything just magically becomes a grey-hued world. And you can see the sunny nice areas across the border, but everyting inside your country? Totally blue/grey-toned. Like there's a gigantic wall of depression around you and you're stuck inside it.

I bet they even give you a gun and just 1 single bullet when you get there in your official "Welcome To North Korea" WelcomeWagon kit. Along with a couple sticks to make a fire so you're not entirely without creature comforts, maybe a canteen, a map that you can't understand that has the 2 places you can find clean water but they're all on the other side of the country, maybe a blanket, like 20,000 korean dollars (worth roughly 38 US cents) and a backpack. But then you get a copy of the rule book for dummies and it's 35,000 pages and you realize that you can't carry any of your other stuff because the backpack is only big enough for the damn rule book.

Because even when you get (sorta) nice things there, it still sucks.

You can go find one of their amusement parks though for a happy-fun-times-good-day thing. But it's closed and abandoned. But at least then, maybe it'll let you live out your life-long dream of being a Scooby Doo villain. Except the Mystery Machine won't ever find you and you'll just get bored of dressing like a ghost or robot or viking or some weird shit all the time for no reason for absolutely no reason. 

Seriously, why was the creepy old guy ever actually dressed up like something in the first place? I never quite understood their scams or whatever their diabolical evil plans were. They were just dressing weird and scaring people for fun? Or was there like an endgame? Did I miss something? And why the fuck were these stoners in a VW Bus just driving from amusement park to amusement park to zoo to fucking abandoned mine to random castle anyway? Wasn't this during the gas crisis in the 70's? Where the fuck did they fill up their tank?

And I somehow just connected executed korean musicians, communism, and scooby fucking doo. I guess I'm maybe starting to get back on my game a little with this shit.

I actually started writing a big rant about commies and the people that are always screaming for "sex workers" rights, and then I stopped caring because FUCK POLITICS and figured I'd end it with Deadpool and hookers instead.