Random Thought Of The Day #571

Day 571

In honor of last weekend's performance of the vagina monologues... I've decided to contribute by offering you the following:

The Penis Monologue (because we really kinda only need 1)

"I am a penis. I like entering warm, wet, tight places. Repeatedly."

The end.

There you go... that is the singular Penis Monologue.

Random Thought Of The Day #570

Day 570

Wait a second... Self Driving Cars? FUCK YES!!

Nevada is the first state to authorize the use of self-driving cars on the road.

I love me a good road trip. I just rarely trust another human being to drive. And I really prefer to do them in my own car. But see... sometimes... especially when driving through fucking nowheresville, PA or bumfucknowhere, Ohio, I wanna take a nap. Cause I get bored.

Now I can take a fuckng nap, bitches!

Come on... you know you'd love that. Driving out to Philly or Chicago and just hop in the back seat and crash out for like an hour or 3? I'd be digging it. Or just recline the seat and nod off right there.


We can keep her employed
as a cab driver. Right?



Though I'm curious how this works for cars with a manual transmission? I have never even owned an automatic. I go out of my way to always buy a manual. Something about an automatic makes me just think "glorified golf cart".

And I also wonder what this is going to do to the cabby industry or towncar industry? I mean, once they start installing these things into yellow cabs and limos, that's a shitload of guys that you can't understand because they don't speak english that will be out of a gig. Especially in NYC and whatnot.

Though it WILL cut down on the costs of local government. I want this shit installed in buses ASAP. Fuck paying bus drivers 60-100K a year to drive a bus. And then retire at like 55 with a full pension and full benifits until they die? Yeah... my tax money pays for that and I want a tax cut, bitches.

Sadly, I got $5 says the union tries to block any public form of transportation from using this tech.

But now that they've figured out self-driving cars... I want fucking faster speed limits! Freeway speeds shouldn't be limited to anything below 70. Granted, I'd prefer about 90, but I'll settle for 70... you know, for the sake of all those people that suck at driving and are terrified of operating a motor vehicle, never turn their heads and look like they're so stiff behind the wheel that hitting the right note will shatter them into pieces like glass.

Random Thought Of The Day #569

Day 569

Weird... past couple days, it almost feels like we fucking time traveled back to a year ago. Except this time, I don't care.

Maybe I have finally found a way to make the wonderful power of alcohol let me travel backwards. I've been trying to figure that trick out for years now. Looks like I got drunk enough last weekend at HATE that I figured it out.

As I've said before... Some people like to call it "blacking out", but I prefer to call it "time travelling". Except, before now... I've never found a way to harness the wonderful powers of alcohol to travel backwards.

Problem fucking solved. Not enough alcohol in all previous experiments. YAY SCIENCE!

It's strange though. When things feel like history repeating itself, the more times things happen, the less of an impact it really seems to have. I know that, at least personally, the feeling of "didn't we just get done dealing with this bullshit?" seems to have overpowered my ability to give a fuck. In fact, other than minor annoyance at feeling like this is just deja vu, it's just boring for me to see the same shit happen over and over.

But then again, doesn't it feel like the last few years are just rehashing of shit that sucked the first 17 times it was tried? Outside of having a non-white President for the first time... the world seems to be stuck on this endless fucking loop of repeating stupid ideas. Tax the rich, don't tax the rich, spend money, don't spend money, the economy sucks, the economy is great, "yay Marx", "yay Smith", leggings are pants, leggings are fucking stupid, pastel colors are cool, pastel colors suck, Apple rules, PC rules, global warming, another ice age, gas is fucking crazy expensive, gas is reasonable, the Euro sucks, the Dollar sucks, americans work too much, americans are lazy... it's been one or the other. And it's lost its effect... at least on me. Am I alone here?

And when it's not that, it's just biting from some other decade as the source ideas for fucking EVERYTHING else... movies and tv? just remakes of shit from the 80's or earlier. And when it's not a remake? adapted from a book, comic book or video game... or at least with Battleship, a bastardized version of a board game. Where's my Monopoly movie, fuckers! Or TROUBLE!

The Occupy idiots? They're just trying to do their worst impression of the sit-in protest crowd from the 60's. And somehow making it even dirtier and smellier. So props for that, kids.

Can we like... skip forward? or are we just living on a record player and the fucking record keeps skipping? Did we all fall into a bad remake of Groundhog Day? Or just me? Wait a fucking second... I'm blaming that god damned smoke monster from LOST. It's gotta have something to do with that.

If not... then... FUCK... just try to be at least a little bit creative. Stop straight up copying someone elses shit. Try something original. Do something different. If you're going to try to do something to make a spectacle, at least try to make it original.

Or maybe I just don't take this whole world seriously enough to get bent out of shape over the same shit that I got bent out of shape over and nothing changed 3 years ago, 5 years ago, and 7 years ago... Maybe when you see the futility of expecting somethig new, you stop having the energy to care about yelling about the same shit over and over.

But hey, at least I did get my little dose of seeing some crazy recently. And that was fun.

Is it time we can try the "Mad Scientists Try To Take Over The World" plan again then? Or do I have to wait in line behind "complain about pronouns", "porn is the devil and is destroying the world", "bacon is murder and unhealthy and pigs have feelings",  and "gay marriage is the devil and will destory the world" still? Cause that line is kinda long. Is there an express lane? Us Mad Scientists haven't had our go around recently. Zombies and glittery vampires are hogging the fucking spotlight.

Assholes.

Random Thought Of The Day #568

Day 568

I don't know if I've ever mentioned it before... but I have a theory about holidays:

There's 2 kinds of holidays...

1. Hallmark holidays. You give people gifts or send cards or do the family thing or whatever. They're boring as shit and you inevitably end up watching a movie with friends that night cause there's fuck-all else to do and you're sick of family by halfway thru dinner and then still have to deal with them for another 3 hours after that before you meet your friends for that movie. Oh... and Spike is probably going to have a Star Wars marathon and some other channel will have an Indiana Jones marathon. So it's basically a Harrison Ford holidy as well. Wait... I'm smelling a conspiracy here... Hallmark and Harrison Ford have formed an Axis of Evil that invades our holidays!

Wait... that's probably kinda crazy. But there's something fishy going on there with always having a Harrison Ford marathon on Hallmark holidays. I just need to figure out what the deep secret connection is there.

hmmm... I'll get back to that... there's the other holiday type to still deal with.

2. Drinking holidays. That's what you do. The day is devoted to getting fucking loaded. The liquor stores have sales leading up to them, the beer distributor stays open on Sundays... and everyone gets fucking loaded. The cops go nuts with pulling people over but pretty much don't give a shit about open container laws. You just get loaded.

But it's weird... these 2 holidays almost NEVER overlap. I mean... when's the last time you got a Happy 4th of July card? But I bet you got drunk in the back yard next to the BBQ at 2:00 in the afternoon. When's the last time you got hammered and partied until 3am on Thanksgiving? Unless it was to distract yourself from the annoying 2nd cousin and their demon children or that creepy uncle that you don't want to talk to. I bet you don't get any Happy St. Patrick's Day cards but you damn well get fucking smashed on green beer or Guinness or Irish whiskey!

So what I'm saying is... there's a Hallmark and Alcohol producers conspiracy! And Harrison Ford is involved in there somewhere too. Or maybe it's just George Lucas and Steven Spielberg. Those sneeky fucks. Next thing you know, Lucas is gonna try to retcon Thanksgiving too or fuck up Easter by making Judas get tortured to give up Jesus instead of just being a greedy fuck. Fucking Guido did NOT shoot first! Bastard.

Random Thought Of The Day #567

Day 567

"Happy Valentine’s Day to all. And to those who hate the day, I say this: Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking. So wish people a happy Horny Werewolf Day and see what happens." - Warren Ellis

I just want to say Happy Valentine's Day to @DoNotGoGently.

And in a kind of entirely uncharacteristic moment for me... I hope you all have a good one as well. Or at least a happy Horny Werewolf Day.

But only real fucking werewolves. Not anything that came out of bullshit with glampires and shit. I mean eviscerate your ass and lick at your innards kinda werewolves.

Ok... that was as mushy as I'm gonna get here. Ever. I hope you all die.

Random Thought Of The Day #566

Day 566

Hey kids. Thanks for coming out to the party and braving the weather on Saturday for HATE. We ended up with a  pretty decent turnout, considering the other options on the table for people & the weather and whatnot. From what I hear, there ended up being a good number of scenes that went on during the evening too. Seems like every time, people get more into the groove of playing more and more.

Even if I drank myself out of the equation way too fucking early. Note to self... remember to eat fucking dinner before a party. Even if you're running low on time trying to get everything done on a schedule. And if you DO forget to eat a real dinner, stop trying to drink all of the vodka on the planet.

Which leads me to a special thanks to @DoNotGoGently for taking care of my drunk ass and making sure I didn't... you know... die, or something, in my sleep. And for taking over my "hosting" duties after I became incapacitated.

It was also good to meet a few new people too. I don't remember any of your names, but hey... I never remember anyone's names. I gotta meet you another 10 times or so before I remember names.

So with that out of the way, I figure it's a good time to announce the next party. I'll be puting up an event page soon, but for March, we'll be planning it in conjunction with the Rope Bite Demo. Kinda. So you'll get a chance to put whatever you learn there into practice. @TwistedView ... what's the topic for March?

But in addition to planning it for right after the Rope Bite Demo, we'll be having a theme to it again.

March's theme?

Beaus & Bimbos.

A little treat for the girls and for the guys. So guys? Break out your best suit, clean your ass up, shave and get yourself looking good for the girls. And girls? The tighter, lower cut and shorter the better! Go as girly as you can. Or switch it up if that's your thing. Go full-on drag if it suits you. Whatever. But we're going for classy meets trashy. So dress the fuck up, children! Or Daddy's gonna have to start walking around hitting motherfuckers with that metal cane that scares the shit out of so many of you.

Random Thought Of The Day #565

Day 565

Hey... look at that. An Indian tribe is sueing beer makers for their alcoholism. This reminds me of fat people sueing Pizza Hut for being fat fucks too.

Though I remember something from about 12 years ago. Right around the turn of the millenium. Wasn't there a thing with some regional tribe of Indians trying to sue to regain ownership of the city of Pittsburgh? At least the lands downtown. Something about how it had been only a 199 year lease or something like that and they didn't want to allow the lease to be renewed? I can't remember the details of it, but I remember someone telling me about it while I was living in Columbus at the time for school.

My first thought at the time was "Are they going to cover the USX building in flannel and open liquor stores on the first floor of all the buildings in the city?". Second thought? "If it becomes a reservation, I'm gonna go visit often and enjoy the Peace Pipe a little too much.".

I thought back to that with this. I don't know why. They're unrelated other than the whole Native American thing.

But for some reason... my brain made a connection this morning. And I'm actually curious why I made that connection. Hell, I'm curious why my brain makes any of the connections that it does. And the process is wildly interesting to me. Associations are quite curious to me. Why do you connect 2 seemingly unrelated stories. Why does hearing about this thing here bring to mind a connection to this other thing you already had filed away in your memory banks?

And how deeply do these types of associations impact our personality and lives? I know this is nothing but bullshit psycho 101 crap, but it's something that fascinates me sometimes.

Some are easier to figure out. For example... why I've developed a borderline paraphilia for a trashy dressed girl in stripper heels that keeps them on in bed. Answer? Far too much porn and establishing an association between that visual and getting worked up. Simple. Or why I consider mcdonald's french fries a good choice to eat when I have a sore throat. Answer? Because that's one of the few things I could eat without pain when I had my tonsils removed wayyy back when I was about 5. Again, simple.

But sometimes, the connections I make in my head between Event A and Random Memory B is a whole lot less obvious and seemingly more random. THOSE are the times I'm really curious about why I connected those 2 totally different dots. And the more distinctly and apparently different the 2 connected points are, the more curious I am about why I connected them. Until you get to the point of polar opposites. Then that one is pretty easy again. Because they're polar opposites.

*shrug*

I know I'm not alone on this... am I?

Random Thought Of The Day #564

Day 564

I just want to clear something up... I never intentionally schedule shit the same day as some other event going on around here. I don't look at the schedule and think "It would be fun to fuck with (person X) by throwing a party or having an @ElitistFucks munch on the same day as their thing".

I don't look at the schedules at all. Ever. Hell, if I wasn't reminded when things were while talking about them with friends in the planning stage, I would have probably thrown the HATE party the same weekend as Dark Odyssey or Winter Wickedness.

I just don't look at schedules.

So while I might be an inconsiderate dick... I don't go out of my way to be so. I just take the easiest route to get there. By being an ignorantly inconsiderate dick.

But I do have to say... what's the problem with there being more than 1 party on a given night? Fuck... it's not like there's that much shit going on or either party can handle enough people that nobody is goning to go to the other one. Is there a competition here that I don't know about? I thought we were bitching a few months ago that there weren't enough options for play and whatnot... now there's a problem because there's too many?

Sorry to make a thing out of this, but I've had a couple people talk to me in the past couple months as though they thought I was competing with the other events going on around the city for people. And I just wanted to clarify that I'm not.

Hell, I'm just kinda geeked when anyone shows up. I could care less how many people pick the parties we throw over the other party. I just figured that the worst that happens is that people have to pick. Sorry kids, but choices are life.

It feels too much like social engineering to determine "ok, this weekend we will grant you these different things to attend or not attend but your only option is to go to this thing we approve of or find something else to do because that's your only option of the organized kink variety".

I'm a big fan of the choices that chaos and lack of structure to things provides. I prefer that. I like the anarchy. I like the randomness. I like the feast-or-famine situation that it sometimes presents. I like seeing when things just randomly match up well to provide everyone with an option that they like. I like the lack of structure. The lack of authority. I just wish more people would do it too. The punk rock side to the kink world. The DIY stuff.

I mean, I've had a number of people wonder "how do I throw a good party?" recently and my answer is the same to everyone... throw the party YOU would want to go to and people will show up and have fun. It's just that simple. Do It Yourself. Do what you want. Fuck permission. Fuck opinions of anyone else. Just do your own thing. Don't try to appeal to anyone. Don't pander. Just have fun, do whatever you want with no regard toward anything or anyone else and you'd be shocked how many other people will love it just as much as you do.

Chaos is funny like that.

And here's some Deadpool for reading that whole thing

Random Thought Of The Day #563

Day 563

Fucking Rick Santorum. REALLY?? GO AWAY! I hate this guy. He's like the evil Mr Rogers.

The Republicans really can't help themselves, can they? Whenever they have an opportunity to change their image in a positive way... they manage to fuck it up. This time? Same fucking deal. And now we're down to super-rich-white-yuppy-stereotype guy, guy-that-hasn't-been-relevant-for-10-years-and-randomly-showed-back-up guy, and bible-thumping-lunatic-who-has-too-much-time-on-his-hands guy.

Fucking really? It's like The Smiler (go read Transmetropolitan if you haven't already), Captain Irrelevant, and Evil Mr. Rogers. Or we can stick with the 5th Marx brother. Dumbo Marx. Great.

I fucking hate politics.

Is there any reason we can't have the "nobody" box on the ballot? Have we ever tried it? Or a "none of the above" box? Is there any reason we HAVE to have someone in all these positions?

If we really need to make a major decision, just have an auto-dialer to randomly select a phone number in the US and let them make the call.

Can't really turn out much worse than the present options, could it?

I'm still in favor of the "vote for Bailey" option if there's a legal roadblock to just leaving the jobs vacant.

Random Thought Of The Day #562

Day 562

You know what I haven't seen in a while? Someone that really crosses the line into wacko crazyland.

I almost miss the loonies that make an issue out of everything and make no sense in their ranting lunacy.

Then I remember exactly how much that kind of crazy makes me want to beat myself in the head with a shovel and I don't really miss that kind of crazy anymore.

Speaking of wacko crazyland...

HOW IN THE FUCK IS RICK SANTORUM STILL IN THE GOP RACE?

I mean... look... I'm no fan of the idiot in office. I wasn't a huge fan of the idiot before him, but compared to the other 2 options?? I don't know... Captain Planet and Herman Munster? Fucking really? I guess with those options, the guy that was there wasn't any better. But that was like choosing between shit and diarrhea... same thing, different form.

But fucking really? Rick Santorum? This guy is a nutjob. I mean, the guy is more interested in what's going on in someone elses bedroom than most of the people on Fet are. But at least we're only interested to get ideas. Or... you know...  pr0n.

Though... I might decide to grade the performance. Or judge it... if it involves furries. Fucking furries.

But back to the crazy... I guess he's my substitute crazy for the loonies on the other side of the political spectrum? But I don't need to point out his crazy! He's like the Michael Jackson of political crazy. All you gotta do is say "Rick Santorum" and you know exactly what I mean. At least with the other side of the crazies, I can point and... oh wait... I guess it's pretty much the same thing.

But it's still not as fun. I can't explain it. Oh well... Fuck that guy and his Mr. Rogers sweaters.