Random Thought Of The Day #679

Day 679

I'm spending today recovering from last night. Fuck... I'm drained. But at the same time, I wanna pick up the rope again.

It's been a LONG time since I've done any rope work. Probably close to a year. But as I found out after just a few moments, that it really was a lot like riding a bike. I picked it up and as soon as I started running the lines around the body for a basic chest harness, it all came flooding back.

I'll admit... I was quite nervous at first. And more so once everyone decided to come watch me. Fuck, I like the spotlight but that was a little awkward for me. I mean... I have barely even touched rope in a year or so and now there's a dozen people that all decided "hey, Joe's tying up Spiel Mit Mir downstairs. Let's go watch! We never see him play" or something. All the while, I'm just trying to get myself back up on that horse. It would be like if an athlete didn't play for a couple years and then everyone crowded around to watch him tie his skates and glide out on the ice for the first time. All he's trying to do is hope he doesn't fall on his face. That's all I was doing. I just didn't wanna fall on my face. Or rather, let my rope bottom fall on hers. Cause... you know... that's a bad thing.

Even if they're suspended above sand.

The thing is... it was just an odd night for me in a number of ways. I haven't done pick-up play in going on 3 years now. No joke. The last just random pick-up play with someone that I wasn't dating or sleeping with was at COPE in 2009. So I was already a little off because I didn't have that existing connection to make it easier or more comfortable. I was already a little off before I picked up the rope.

Throw the audience that randomly appeared on top of that and it was definitely a little uncomfortable for me.

But this was one of those cases where I just totally ignored them. Everyone sitting around looking. I just blocked them out. Normally, I'd play to that, but this time... I just needed to focus on getting the first couple runs right. Get used to the feeling of the rope in my hands again. Let it come back to me. But once I got the chest harness done and was starting onto the thighs & ass, I kinda realized that a lot of my past knowledge was coming back. Slowly but steadily. Picking up some steam as it flowed back into my brainbox. I was starting to feel comfortable again. Not completely. But I was feeling... competent. Not skilled. Not even "good". Just competent. And that's all I needed for tonight. I needed to feel like I knew what I was doing and also knew the limitations of my muscle memory for tying.

I eventually played to the audience a little. Just some basic "you're up in the air, now fly!" type things. But nothing major.

I feel like I'm getting back on that horse slowly. And it's something I'd like to do more of in the near future. It was fun and I've kinda got those floodgates opened back up. I want to feel the rope in my hands again. I want to start running those lines around a body. I want to pull and lift and bind and control again. I want to build back all the muscle memory that I HAVE lost and get better than I was before.

Rigging was always something that I was proficient at, but not great. And I think this time around, I want to get good. I don't want it to just be another tool in my bag of tricks. Something that is done just to get to some other activity.

But I can promise that it won't be done on sand again anytime soon. At least not sand at my house. Because the Tropical Paradise Beach Basement Suspensions are a thing of the past. Sand inside is just really not a good idea. The last hurrah for it was for Sybele's birthday. Because an Arabian Nights theme NEEDED sand.

Random Thought Of The Day #678

Day 678

I've decided that the @ElitistFucks needs something... different. Something that really distinguishes itself from the other groups. More so than just having virtually everyone that comes to the munches made into a leader (unless you're a total jackwagon. then you're just blocked) when we remember to do it. Fuck having a set leader or owner or anything like that...

More than being just the last bastion of common sense and being an adult in the Pittsburgh community. What? Yes, I am looking at ALL of you other groups (minus RopeBite... cause all they're there for is Rope) and saying that you've lost your common sense & you're pretty much made up of petulant children throwing temper tantrums all the time. You expected me to NOT throw every other group under the bus? Ha... you forgot who I was.

But that's besides the point I was getting to here. We need something to really distinguish ourselves as why we're better than everyone else. And I got the idea from the Leather community, to an extent.

We need a motherfucking World Title Belt. Yes. We need a belt. A belt that'll transfer from person to person. Based on doing something fucking AWESOME. Someone might win it by beating someone else at Pong this week. Someone else might do a bad-ass rigging job the next week and win it off that person. And they might lose when doing some grappling with someone else the following night and drop the strap to them. A transferring game of oneupsmanship for the right to throw that title belt over your shoulder and hold it over your head when you walk into a room and proclaim "The Champ Is Here! The Champ Is Here!" everywhere you go.

It's for whoever has done the most awesome thing recently.

Although... maybe the Beer Pong champs should get the Tag Team title belt. Cause we play teams and swap back & forth.

Or maybe we save the Tag Team title belt for tag-teaming some girl? She gets to pick the winner after having been spit-roasted by both teams? Or maybe a dude will pick the winner after getting Delta'd by 2 sets of 2 girls? Hmmm... This could be an interesting idea!

Anyone got an idea here? I think we really need a title belt though. Because we're NOT leather, we can't do the leather sash thing (seriously... what's that thing called? I'm not being a dick. I just don't know what that thing that drapes over your shoulders is called.) cause that would be kind of insulting. But we are kinda like the non-Leather Leather, if that makes sense? So we need some sort of title ourselves and what is more appropriate than a wrestling/UFC/boxing-style title belt?

Now I just need to find a place to get a title belt made..

Or maybe I can just go and find a copy of the old-school Million Dollar Championship.

Random Thought Of The Day #677

Day 677

I just saw a thing that said that Home Alone kid that Michael Jackson had the creepy relationship with like 20 years ago... you know who I mean. I can't spell his name.

Apparently he spends $6000 a month on drugs.

My question is... how in the hell does he still have $6000 a month to BUY drugs? Has he worked at all since fucking My Girl? That dude had like 3 movies and then disappeared into obscurity and hanging out with Michael Jackson.

Then again... if my claim to fame was being in 2 Home Alone movies and then doing My Girl before having a weird relationship with Michael Jackson, I'd probably need $6000 a month worth of drugs to keep my sanity. Hell, it would probably take more than that just to block off the memories of the Michael Jackson thing.

Random Thought Of The Day #676

Day 676

It's weird to think about how long I've been involved in the public scene now.  I saw that 2 of my friends celebrating their 7 year anniversary of being together today and it made me sit there and think "how long have I been around?"

I went to my first munch in about spring of 2005. And I was the kid there. I didn't know anyone. I don't even know if FL existed at that point (which is strange, considering that I'm like... member # less-than-3000 or something out of over a million and change at this point) and I got my info from a random OLD calendar. Even before the google calendar that still is somewhat used.

I don't even remember which munch group it was. I only remember being kinda looked at like "who the fuck is this guy?" by a bunch of people old enough to be my parents. It was really awkward. I don't think there was anyone under 50 in the room that night and I kinda wanted to just walk right back out the door when I was there.

I didn't go back. I took only one thing out of that first munch and that was "the kink world here isn't for young people". I didn't talk to anyone that night. And nobody talked to me. I sat in a chair & listened to people and got really fucking bored.

See... here's something you might not actually know about me. I'm painfully shy.

Yeah... I know. It seems antithetical. I'm loud. I'm outspoken. I make a spectacle of myself. I put the spotlight right on me. There's no way that a guy that does that is shy, right?

You'd be shocked. Try putting me one-on-one, with no audience, and someone that I don't know at all. I'm guarded. I'm kinda quiet. I become un-Joe-like. I'm shy.

Here's the secret. I want the audience. I want the spotlight. But I want it because it allows me to play the odds better. I look from person to person. I find that person that I'm connecting with through my words or actions. I find that person that's vibing ME and I feed off that. I try to keep that connection. I don't need to get any sort of "approval" from a group as a whole. I pick it apart and get it piece-by-piece. Systematically.

I try to get that one person "on my side" and like an ally. I make that connection and it almost becomes a self-sustaining thing. It grows from there. I get one person that I start feeling more comfortable about and it gives me an audience to play to more. And then I seek that next person. And the next. Until I get more "connections" that I have than those I haven't yet made in that group. It spreads. Like a virus.

Remember how many times I've told you that I infect people with myself? yeah... exactly. That's how I do it.

Now granted, sometimes I'm only seeking that "connection" from that first person. Like a first-come-first-serve counter. I find that connection & build it because that's all I want at that moment. Just one person to connect to and find some form of comfort with. I find that person in a group & it relaxes me to make that first connection.

Plus... my method of making a spectacle of myself works in a different way as well with other people. It provides a strange form of self-fulfilling prophecy. Awesome people get the spotlight put on them all the time. Well... and some attention-whoring asshats too, but still. In this case we're talking about me. And I'm fucking amazing.

But as I was saying... putting the spotlight on me gives people the inital impression of "he must be kinda awesome to have that much of a spotlight on him" before they even get to know me. It's like my first-impression without actually having to make a first impression. It creates a positive pre-concieved notion that I intentionally foster.

The thing is... none of it is inherintly dishonest or anything. It's just my way of compensating for naturally painful shyness. I had to find a way around it to meet people & make new friends. I needed to find a way to show how awesome I was without it being a one-on-one thing.

I'll tell you another thing. It's why I've always sucked at picking up girls at the bar. Well, not so much sucked as just been too shy to generally go up to a cute girl by herself and strike up a conversation. I'm no good at it. I can approach a group of cute girls and use my normal approach and be funny & charming and all that just by finding that one initial connection. And build it until that cute girl to the right of the girl in the middle starts to notice me. I might have been too shy to go straight up to her athte beginning, but I can get her to come to me in a way because of this.

Is it a little manipulative? Sure... but it's not dishonest or anything. I'm not being untrue to who I am. I'm just avoiding an uncomfortable way to approach someone and make friends by doing it in a more comfortable way for me. We all do it in some ways. This is just how I do it.

Maybe it's because I've been on stage since I was a kid. I've been on more big stages and performed in more things than I could even count. And I loved it. Sometimes I was the center of attention, sometimes I was one of many. But I was always comfortable with people looking at me while I did something & performed for their "approval". The spotlight has always been comfortable. Even when I can look right back into the audience.

But how was that first munch different then? What was it about that time that was different?

It took me a little bit of time to realize it. But it's because it was mostly couples and not so much a group. There was no other 3rd wheels that I could connect with. There was nobody close to my age to connect with. There was nobody that I saw anything about that I could really connect with to get that first foothold to climb that mountain of being entirely comfortable. It wasn't really a GROUP that was functioning in that dynamic. It wasn't the same as a just a group of people with some couples mixed in. I wasn't just the 3rd wheel, I was the 15th. There was nothing to connect with.

So yeah... about 6 or 7 years ago, I hit my first munch and hated it. It took me about a year or 2 more before I came back to anything. I don't know if I can really say that I stuck around but I've been involved in the public world since then & probably will be for many more years to come. As much as that might piss some people off.

I guess I eventually answered my question to myself there. In a really meandering & oddly personal way that probably gives away FAR too much about me. Heh... even in writing, I'm still a little guarded, ain't I?

Random THought Of The Day #675

Day 675

Serious thing.

So Artemis Fallen's car died the ther day. The engine is shot (crank shaft bearing) & not worth repairing. So we're going to scrap or salvage it.

Now, the salvage yard isn't willing to give a lot for it, so we came up with an idea:

Sledgehammer Party.

I'm not joking. $5 a shot to take a swing at it with a sledgehammer. You can hit it wherever you want. But it's $5 a swing.

I'm not 100% sure it's even worth going this way or if she'll make more from the salvage place. But please reply and show your interest if you would be willing to join in & spend a couple bucks to participate. We're trying to gauge interest before making any decisions

Please... only people seriously willing to spend the cash. I know you kinky fucks can be kinda cheap bastards sometimes... but $5 to hit a car with a sledgehammer? When do you get that opportunity without getting sued?

RTOTD #674.1

Day 674.1

Freegans are stealing food out of the mouths of legitimate homeless people! Because of their own selfish desires.

See how that one can get turned back on you, idiots?

It's also the stupidest idea in history. I still think we should limit them to only the dumpster behind planned parenthood.

And you're welcome for that mental image that will stick in your head for... well... ever.

Random Thought Of The Day #674

Day 674

Here's a bunch of quick thoughts:

1. With how fucked up and poorly researched a lot of online articles from "legitimate" news sources are anymore, I'm wondering... How long until my blog accidentally gets cited by someone because they didn't do their research? And then... how fucking hilarious would that be?

And that's the end of my flights of fantasy for the day.

2. Wait... so the female Keanu Reeves... that chick from the glampire movies and the shitty snow white movie... she was actually dating the sparkly piece of lumber that is still trying to convince... well... everyone... that he's an actor and not just a bad haircut covered in glitter that shimmers in the sunlight?

♫♪♫♫♪ He's so dreammmyyyy ♫♪♫♫♪...

Wait what? I didn't say anything!

First of all... I guess that makes sense on a lot of levels. Neither of their careers are going to last much beyond those shitty movies and their acting range is about the same. With as vast of a range as "dour" to "more dour", both of which mixed with a little bit of "confused at their surroundings while moderately shocked but kinda meh about pretty much everything going on in the world around them" on a face that just screams "I really need some more sleep".

I still think they totally could have made a better series of movies with a group of hand puppets or marionettes. Come on... shitty glampire marionettes? How fucking great would that have been? Paint one of the back-up marionettes in glitter paint and boom... makeup is done. Just do a quick cut to her expressionless face (you could use a close-up of the wood or of her face. result will be about the same.) and watch the entire absence of any emotion when he gets hit by sunlight for the first time. It would have been tearless-jerking to no end. So many no-feels.

And now I don't care about that either anymore. I just wanted an excuse to remind you all of how shitty Twilight and sparkle not-vampires are. And how fans of those movies should kill themselves because of how poor their taste is. You have no taste at all. I bet you also liked Ben Affleck movies where he wasn't being directed by Kevin Smith (or in Dazed & Confused. Cause that's just got pretty much everyone in it). Because you're soulless cinematic masochists.

3. Also... has anyone else noticed that the one other guy that's in there... I don't know what the fuck role he plays. The real tan dude? He's tried to be an "action star" kinda but he's like 12 and Bruce Willis would beat him half to death if they ended up in an action movie together.. Does anyone else think that guy looks like a tan version of Tyler Kennedy? And kind of like a fruit-bat?

For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about... he's a winger for the Penguins. And he looks like a fruit-bat.

I'll be so happy when these movies disappear forever back into their obscurity.

4. So hotels are now offering conceirge service for the teenagers that come on family vacations.

Yes, because what we needed to do was somehow give more validation to the self-absorbed, spoiled children of the  instant-gratification generation to their notion that they actually matter. To the point of the hotels pretending that they actually are important enough to be catered to. Because the hotels believe that these kids have "purchasing power". No... they don't. Because they don't have an income. You have to have income to have purchasing power. And a way-too-fucking-high allowance from mommy and daddy isn't an income.

5. I think I had a dream about one of my friends reading a series of books that I'm in the process of re-reading. I remember seeing the book in their hand, but I don't even remember what the gender of the person holding it was. And I remember saying "oh, I enjoyed those books. Are you reading the whole series?" and then conversing about it for a bit. It was strange though. Because it felt like I actually had that conversation.

Did I? Have I told someone recently "oh yeah, I read that and I'm in the process of re-reading it right now." recently? I can't actually can't tell if this was a dream or if this actually happened. Normally, I can always tell... this one? Nope.

Random Thought Of The Day #673

Day 673

@ElitistFucks munch tonight.  7:00 at Dunnings.

Seriously... someone else can call one of these and make the post in the future. I don't run this shit. I'll just throw it on Twitter once someone else decides "hey, we're totally having a munch like... tomorrow" and call it a day, ok?

That's the end of my announce-y-ness for the day. Unless I win the lottery or someone just decides to pull up to my house with a dumptruck full of cash. I'll totally announce the shit out of that. Cause who the fuck does that happen to? See?

And that's also the end of my things to talk about today.

Actually... no. I feel compelled to talk about this stupid Chick-Fil-A thing that everyone is in such a fucking uproar about.

Ok. Dude that runs it doesn't agree with gay marriage. I get it. I don't agree with him. I mean, that's kind of a dick move, right? Totally agree there.  I've always been in support of everyone's right to marry whoever the fuck they want. Know why? Cause it doesn't affect me. And I'm all for equal-opportunity marital misery.

Wanna marry a squirrel? Ok... maybe not a squirrel. That would be weird. And they can't really consent at all. Plus... oh god... I just had the worst shiver/wretch from even the first hint of a mental image and I kinda wanna forget about ever even writing those words down. Fuck.

But want to marry someone of your own gender? Awesome.

Wanna marry someone of the opposite gender? Great. We kinda need the re-population it often leads to. Just don't ask me to be part of it. Unless you're paying me for my genetic material and don't expect anything from me later.

Want to marry a half-dozen people of one or both genders? Cool.

Wanna marry family members? Ok, now that's kinda crossing the line, but if you're adults and it started after you were adults, I guess I can't really argue. But don't expect us to take care of your 3-eyed, hermaphroditic, Egor-looking, half-witted Satan spawn because of the lack of genetic diversity that comes with your family tree not having any branches and looking like a broom stuck in the dirt.

Want to marry your car? Well... you kinda can't, cause a car isn't a person. But some cars are kinda fucking sexy. And I think I'd still fuck an Acura NSX. That car is kind of my white whale. I will own one... one day. Somehow.

Wanna marry... well, I can't really think of any other combination of consenting adults that could marry other than same gender, opposite gender and multiple people, so I guess there's not really anything else that can be said there.

But you get my point. Marry whoever the fuck you want. I never understood otherwise. But I also realize that other people feel compelled to butt into the lives of everyone else. And some of those are the people that are douchenozzles that disagree with what I said above and start thumping their bibles or whatever.

This is one of those cases. Some douche with a big mouth that doesn't think you should have the right to choose who you marry. I mean... first of all, should we even be surprised that the company that doesn't even open on Sundays for religious reasons ends up having an issue with gay marriage. They are so religious that they won't operate their for-profit business on a particular day because the BIBLE SAYS THEY SHOULDN'T WORK THAT DAY. And we're fucking shocked that the guy doesn't agree with gay marriage?

Shouldn't we have chalked this up in the same category as when scientists say that the sun gives off light and heat? Or when we stick our hand in water and find out it's wet? Maybe more along the lines of "unprotected sex can lead to unwanted transmission of disease, infection, or genetic material leading to pregnancy"? Maybe?

But you know what? Who the fuck cares? He's slinging chicken nuggets. He doesn't actually have the authority for his opinion to matter. He's an ass. But that's it. And if you don't wanna support a company that holds a public sentiment like that, awesome. There's better chicken out there. And their fucking waffle fries suck. So don't go there.

What I DO have an issue with is the attempts to ban the opening of new stores and trying to get them kicked out of cities. Chicago is trying to kick the whole company out of the city. Boston is trying to as well.

Want to boycott? Awesome. Want to protest? Great. Have fun. Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna keep not giving a fuck and eating elsewhere.

Random Thought Of The Day #672

Day 672

I think I want to adopt a War Dog.

I haven't done any major research yet as to how they get along with other dogs yet. It may turn out that war dogs don't get along well with other, non-war dogs and the idea might have to be forgotten. I do know that they often have forms of PTSD similar to humans that have served in active battle zones and this can lead to slightly more erratic behavior than even your standard rescue dog, and as a result, they don't understand "play" with other dogs in the same way that a shelter or breeder or run-of-the-mill "neighbor's dog knocked mine up & now we have puppies to give away" dog might understand it. I'm really not sure. I haven't don't much research on it yet. But assuming there's no major issues, I really would like to get on the list to adopt a War Dog.

These dogs are fucking amazing. They are full combat veterans. They've served on the front lines. They've been trained to near perfection & if they had been human, often would be wearing a number of combat-related medals and honors. Jesus.. They often even get dropped into hot zones like any other soldier & are immediately in the shit. They are part of special operations teams. They are soldiers. They are amazing.

But the thing is, they get older. In a similar way that a K9 officer is assigned to be partnered with a human police officer, War Dogs  are assigned a trainer/partner that they live with and work with and sleep with while they're deployed. However, the War Dogs aren't always discharged and get to go and retire to live with the family of their partner as a domestic pet once their service is done. They reach a certain age and are obviously discharged, but it's often while their partner/trainer is still deployed. In some cases, they may also lose their partner/trainer to enemy fire. Or they're injured themselves in battle and, while not life-threatening, make them unfit for combat situations. But the military often doesn't bring them home and had previously enthanized them once their tours of duty were complete.

That's changed and they can now be adopted. From everything I've ready, they're some of the best-trained animals you could ask for. Fuck, they've been trained to jump out of god damn airplanes and into the ocean at hundreds of miles per hour while wearing a parachute... how much more well-trained do you want? My dog is well-trained and I still can't get him to jump the 6 inches into a pool.

I think that, assuming they aren't any more likely to have an adjustment issue to living with playful dogs than any other dog would, I would really like to adopt one.

If anyone has any info that is not 2nd or 3rd hand stories... I mean can send me info or know someone who has adopted one and would talk to me about the experience, let me know.

RTOTD #671.1

Day 671.1

It's come to my attention that it's National Family Planning week.

So remember to do your proper family planning... blow it on her face instead of using that condom.

And if you don't... well, support your local Planned Parenthood and go set yourself up with an abortion.

Pssssshhh... who needs safer sex practices. I've got all the solutions. This is also why anal is better. Can't knock her up, up the ass.