Random Thought Of The Day #408

Day 408

Man, the news is fucking boring the past few days. There's absolutely NOTHING in it that interests me in the slightest. I can't even find something that I find amusing enough to rant about.

Here's what we got:

The final space shuttle launch happened and the shuttle is back on the ground. Boring.

A bunch of idiots might run for President against the present idiot. *yawn*

California wants to tax the internet. Wow, a broke-ass state trying to find a way to make money... I'm shocked.

Radiation from cell phones can cause cancer... haven't we been talking and not proving this for a decade and a half now?

It's hot outside... shocking

When that's what I have to choose from, there's not much to scream about here. In fact, I only found 2 interesting stories.

A bunch of IKEA alarm clocks exploded. And some idiot was talking loudly on the phone about being wanted by the police and got arrested... but even then, what's there to really talk about? One is funny and gives me the mental image of a Bugs Bunny cartoon and the other is an idiot that got what he deserved for being that dumb. Yeah, I got nothing.

So, since the news sucks and there's nothing even moderately amusing there, I'm gonna go in a totally different direction.

Fake News From the Future!!!!

August 17th, 2011
 - Obama sheds skin, discovered to be reptilian alien from tv show V

November 21, 2011
 - Rapture actually happens... 3 people disappear... might have just gotten lost somewhere

July 30, 2012
 - Extra-Terrestrial Overlords fix economy by converting it to the "hampster standard"

December 7, 2012
 - After 4th nationwide recount, Sarah Palin officially wins White House

December 21, 2012
 - Well, after Sarah Palin wins, we all knew the end was near... Judgement Day has arrived

December 22, 2012
 - Meet Skynet. Our New Robot Overlords

Ok, that was moderately amusing to me...

But seriously, does anything funny or cool happen anymore? I mean, we can't get the regular but ridiculous Michael Jackson insanity stories anymore... we don't seem to get any funny-because-of-the-irony political stories anymore.... No great Darwin-Awards-level hillbilly death stories...

No, now it's "it's fucking hot" or "hey look, areas that are routinely hit by tornados are hit by tornados" or "we're all fucking broke"  anymore. There's nothing fun there. It's just statements of the obvious. No humorous subtext to a tragic story or crazy celebrities doing crazy shit or oddly hot young blond teachers fucking their 15 year old male students or pretty much anything else that's so outlandish that you can't help but laugh.

We need cooler news.

But since that ain't happening anytime soon... I say we all sit around and think about cheerleaders, porn stars and fetish models.

Ok, now I have the mental image of a punky/goth chick in a slutty cheerleader outfit dancing on a pole. Yum