RTOTD #408.1

Day 408.1

I had the most irritating dream last night. I woke up wanting to punch things... granted, that's not terribly different than most days... but regardless...

It had some dude that I kinda know but seems pretty cool and apparently he was now dating this chick I used to have some weird complicated dynamic with. And I had to put up with the devil for the whole fucking dream. I remember that, even in my dream, I wanted to stab myself in the fucking brainpan with any sharp object in my immediate proximity; thinking "maybe if I stab myself enough times, in the right spot or hard enough, I won't have to deal with this broad anymore?"

I also remember that, at some point, we all went to the beach and I contemplated drowning myself to get away. And every time I WOULD manage to get away, wherever I went, they fucking showed back up.

And then I think I forced myself awake to get away from them.

They say that your dreams are a window into your subconsciou... well apparently I learned 2 lessons about my subconscious from this dream... 1) I'd rather stab myself in the brainbox than be around most of my ex's... 2) I wanted away from her so badly in this dream that I forced myself awake rather than even deal with imaginary-her anymore

This is why I don't date much anymore. Beceause inevitably, it will end the same way... kinda like a Scorsese movie... with a lot of drama, a series of convoluted explainations and everyone is irreparably scarred or dead... and even then, eventually I'll have a dream about them where I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be around them again.