So I've been thinking about this a little recently and wanted to maybe throw some of those thoughts down onto the intertron about them. So here's a series of disjointed thoughts just thrown at the keyboard this morning with no real attempt to make them into a coherent post. 1. I think we've all figured out that I have a thing for slutty/skanky/trampy/trashy/bimbo-ish girls at this point. And I've kinda come to realize that a lot of my old kinks are fading a bit in the past year or 2 while this particular kink has grown stronger and stronger. To the point where it's almost reached fetish level for me.
2. Continuing on this, with other kinks becoming of lesser and lesser interest while this one grows, is this a sign that I have a finite amount of kinkiness and as one kink grows stronger, another must fade to accomodate it? Would that even make any sense? It might, but it also might not. I haven't put that much thought into it yet.
3. Where does that leave me with some of my other kinks? They don't seem as important to engage in anymore. I mean, I want to, but I just don't have that same motivation. Is it because I am so "out of practice" with playing with rope or throwing a flogger or even keeping my rhythm with drumsticks, that I don't know if I want to re-hone those skills? Is that a thing? Do I want to experience some of the learning curve that I had many years ago when I first started playing around with rope and impact?
4. I don't really play much, and I don't really go out of my way to find people to play with. My intensity level is lower when it comes to this. Do I need to just say "fuck it" and play around with some of my more conventional kinks and see if that same animalistic and sadistic side grows stronger again?
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| Not everything that once fit somewhere will always fit in the same place |
6. Where do I really fit in around here if this is my most powerful kink and the others are kinda reaching the "meh" stage? It's not a conventional kink. In fact, it seems to be a pretty niche kink. When everyone else is playing with rope or beating the hell out of someone, I'm standing and staring and trying to work on an art project of designing the most asthetically appealing look on a girl and helping to bring out a side of her that is often downright whorish. That's not exactly the most conventional kink or the most easy to play with in a scene. It's not something where I can go "ok, and this begins the scene and this other thing here ends it and here's what we're going to do in between"... this is a kinda endless scene with one person. It doesn't really have a set beginning, middle, or end like a play session. There's not really any way TO play in the conventional "let's have a scene at this party/dungeon/home tonight" sense.
7. How many of my other kinks fit this same unconventional category? How many are uncategorizable? How many are niche? How many other people are in the same boat?
8. Finally... where is the happy medium between my bimbo fetish and my more conventional kinks? Because I think I'm losing it if I ever had a grip on where it was.
So yeah... there's a bunch of words about this. Maybe at some point, I'll actually write something up that makes more sense, but not right now. I just wanted to throw this down and maybe some of the comments will spur some other thoughts that tie this shit together. Because as of right now, these are all terribly fragmented and there's a lot of rambling nonsense involved. A mix of practical and metaphysical bullshit that is a little hard to tie together.
Ok... I'm done with this for now.
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