It's Not The Greyhound... But It Might As Well Be - RTOTD #817

Day 817

I took on a half day on a Friday recently just because I needed it. I only ended up with a day and a half in my office last week but the first half of the week justified the lazy ending to the week. Over 900 miles in the car for work bullshit & a big American Express bill, sunburn over an existing semi-decent tan & driving through a motherfucking tsunami on my way home outside of Cincinnati made me feel like I kinda needed to take a lazy day on Friday.

Well, the girl & I decided that since she got discount passes to Kennywood and I haven't been there in a few years (even if Foursquare says I checked in there in April 2012), we decided that that would be the best way to spend a steamy Friday afternoon.


There is NO WAY that I'm
going to google image
search "jailbait with tattoos".

I know I talked a while ago about how surreal it was when a group of us hit up Cedar Point last summer. The biggest reason being all the fucking jailbait that were ridiculously inked up.
Apparently that's not a think that's limited to the rollercoaster capital because I saw a fuck ton of it at Kennywood. And the thing was, it seemed to be predominantly girls. I was doing my standard "I'm in an amusement park and these people are almost mall-rat interesting to observe" type people-watching and I noticed that almost every third girl, but only about 20% of the guys, had very obvious "It's going to be hard to get a job" ink and probably 1/2 of each of those groups had some quite-heavily done "I'll never have a real job" ink done.

Now, maybe it was because the girls had already had already taken their requisite high school career aptitude tests and most of them scored really high in the stripper/porn-star/cam-whore/etc category and have already decided their career paths. And while I applaud them for foresight, determination, and their focus on doing their best to be prepared for the requirements of their chosen vocations, I think it might be presumptuous to go all-in on the permanent changes before they have even finished training for it. There might be a glut of strippers coming out of school and crowd out all but the best and most dedicated when it comes time to find a job. I mean, look at lawyers. They come out of law school anymore and the closest thing they get to a law office is when they're delivering late-night pizzas. So you can see that the other professions that get lumped into the "General Whoring" category seem to have a glut of qualified applicants. These girls might get done with whatever it is that trains you for stripping or cam whoring... oh wait, I think that's daddy issues and a self-worth entirely built on the approval of others... well whatever it is, they might get done with it and find that just like their lawyer brethren, there's just no jobs because of how many other qualified whores there are. And what are they left with? A great whoring resume and no whoring jobs. Guess it's off to find a job at the GAP or something.

And the fucking guys were just as bad. Granted, there were fewer of them for some reason, but "pretty backup dancer in a music video" or "rebel skateboarder kid in skinny jeans #2" or "X-Games competitor" or "guy that wants to be confused for the drummer for Blink 182" seems to also have far more applicants than vacant positions at this point as well. But I think that most of these guys might have also jumped the gun on trying to be as prepared as possible for work in the "General Whoring" industry. There's just not any jobs for you. And while it's an even quicker growing field for boys than it is girls, it's also a LOT smaller to begin with and won't even catch up to the positions open for girls anytime soon.

So maybe there's an alternative for both the boys and girls that seem like they might not get lucky enough to get jobs in the General Whoring industry anytime soon. You can join up with the 3rd group of people that I've seemed to have a tendency of running into the past few times I've been at an amusement park:

White Trash

Granted, it's been predominantly of the " 40-something men with straight-up mullets of the business-in-the-front-1987-party-in-the-back variety" but there just might be some vacancies for you. I've been going to amusement parks for years, and if I know anything at all, it's that amusement parks are TOTALLY 100% representative of the populace in general. So if I see too much of something when I'm at an amusement park, I can guarantee that there's too much of something in the world. And if I see too little of something, I can place someone else's money on a bet that there's not enough of that in the world. And what the world is missing right now is enough people that are trying to look like the guys in Dokken or Poison!

I have been watching for years and the number of White Trash has been dwindling. I only saw 7 Shawn Michaels circa 1990 haircuts. And using my scientific method, that would make the White Trash almost an endangered species. Or a profession that is woefully understaffed. I'm losing track of my metaphor here. Whatever.

But with all of your "I'll never have a job that doesn't change work-hours on a weekly basis" tattoos and even those of you that have opted for the more extreme "I've probably cost more tax revenue in my jail time than I ever actually produced from being employed" ink on your neck and face, well... you're all perfectly suited for the White Trash profession! There's plenty of available positions. Like all skilled (or unskilled? I have no idea..) trades, there's just too many people that don't think it's a "glamorous" enough job for them. They want something where things like "spitting chew spit in the garbage can" might be considered "inappropriate". HA! You'll show them, right? You couldn't even get a job in the field that you always aimed for when all the positions were filled in General Whoring, and you still managed to find something that you're totally great at in White Trash! So rub their nose in it!

And just remember... your education and preparation for a certain field of expertise only shows others that you have the ability and desire to learn. You showed how much you wanted to get into General Whoring but the White Trash industry took notice and you can show exactly how much your skills translate. And anything else, well... you're dedicated! You'll succeed. Even if it's a fall-back career.

And on an entirely related subject... YES... I'm still horribly perturbed by the amount of jailbait that are getting tattoos. While I'm all for inked up girls... just... NO! I liked when I could use "does she have ink" as a good barometer for if she was legal. Apparently you can't even do that now. Fucking christ.

Taboo - RTOTD #782

Day 782

By and large, my kinks are fairly pedestrian when compared to some others that I've seen on here. I generally prefer a lot of the basics. Rope & floggers, punching & resistance, rough & raw sex, and a few others. I've discussed my preferences for slutty over sexy, and trashy over beautiful in the past. I won't really get into that. My bimbofication kink is something that I've talked about a little too often recently and you can always go through my writings of the past month or so and find that, if you so care to read it.

Instead, I think I'll take this opportunity to talk about some of my more taboo kinks, even if they pale in comparison to those of some that reply below. Feel free to do so and discuss your own, if you'd like. I wanted to take today to open the discussion not to just the basic daily praise of my awesomeness, but to make this an open forum to discuss some of your kinks that maybe you don't feel comfortable discussing in open forums elsewhere. Mostly because I don't delete comments or topics that I might not be comfortable with, or that someone else gets their panties in a wad about.

So I'll volunteer to go first. Because fuck you, I'm awesome and don't mind being the first one to walk around with no pants on.

Actually... I'm going to kinda go first. I say "kinda" because I don't really have anything terribly taboo in my brain that is wildly out there. So instead, I'm going to discuss a couple of my most taboo kinks, even if they're not all that super-amazingly-taboo.

First one is probably the most tame of the 3 most taboo that I have.

It's a weird thing that I have. Girls in heels. Considering that I HATE feet and think they're gross. Not the "oh that's gross, I kinda wanna do it" kinda gross. I mean like "oh fuck you and die" gross. I never understood the feet thing. I mean, if that's your thing, awesome. But I just don't get it.

However, I have a thing for girls in heels. I think this probably connects back to my bimbo/slutty kink, because of the connections with porn whores and strippers. It probably also has something to do with the impracticality of heels for anything other than aesthetic purposes. I mean, you can't tell me that anyone is going to run faster or me more sure-footed when walking on ice while wearing heels. I mean, maybe if they're really motherfucking sharp and you can stab them into things for traction. But still... when they start making high-heeled cleats for girls soccer or field hockey teams, then I'll believe that there's a practical purpose for heels other than to make a girl a little taller, and to change her posture to make her legs look longer and to put her ass and tits on better display. And well, I don't see them making golf spike heels anytime soon that aren't solely for photo shoots. When a professional women's golfer starts wearing them for the LPGA Championship and wins it, then I'll bite.

But for some reason, it's only girls in stripper heels. I KNOW that this part has to do with my subconscious mental affiliations between girls in stripper heels and my propensity to be attracted towards slutty girls. Non-stripper-y heels on girls do nothing. Yeah, sure. They change your posture and everything too... but for some reason, they don't have the same turn-on factor for me.

So I guess I kind of have a high heel kink while having a foot repulsion? I don't know. I'm weird.

The next kink I wanted to talk about was body modification.

I'm an artist at heart. I've drawn and painted and sculpted and both wrote and performed music since I was 5. I've written more here than anywhere else, and I've written one book so far, with a few more on the distant horizon (mostly when I can get the energy to once again go through the marathon that is writing a book) and have scripted and drawn at least parts or large chunks of at least 3 potentially-long-form comic series. I've put the puzzle pieces together to potentially build a shared-superhero-comics universe that has its own secret history and aliens and mystical crap and everything else that goes along with the 20th and 21st century superhero comics. And that's excluding the half-dozen plotted non-superhero comics that I've come up with as well. I see the art in most things and the aesthetics that make things appealing. From cars to comics, ink to interior design, painting to piercing, and stereos to sculpture. There's a beauty in design that nearly rivals function.

Form and function are always curiously placed as opposing forces when I often see them as serving each other quite well. You want something to server a purpose; a function. But the thing is, you also have to often LOOK at the thing that is doing that job. And therefore, it should be something that you want to look at too. Something unique and cool and pretty and original.

I've written along these lines before in Body Mod forums and I'll rehash it here. Body Mod is really no different than any sort of other customization that we do.

We're born with our bodies and generally, with a few small details, they're pretty much the same. You certainly have size differences, skin tone differences, hair color differences, and all the rest. But really, almost all human bodies are generally pretty similar to one another. And you can look at it as a Phenomenal vs Noumenal Kant-like philosophical question. The concept of a chair is always the same even if this chair and that chair look different from each other. But you can also compare the human body to automobiles. And that's the way that I like to look at it.

The comparison is quite apt. We both are run on an engine that needs fueled and while we come in different colors and sizes and shapes, we're all pretty much the same. Some of us are blessed with better skin or hair, some cars are built with better upholstery or  quality paint for durability. Some of us are more athletic or smarter, in the same ways that different cars might be better designed to drive a street race track or filled with all the tech that makes driving more comfortable. Whatever those differences, they're represented in the automobile analogy.

But see... body mod is actually in the exact same spirit as automobile enthusiasts around the world. We're all about customizing. Yeah, the factory specs on the car might be fucking great. But that doesn't mean we can't make it ours and unique from any of the 25,000 other virtually identical cars in that production run. We might have bought the unique color or the super-deluxe packages, but so did a thousand other people. No, what we want is to make it one-of-a-kind. And that's when you get into the custom car people. That's who us BodyMod people are. We're the custom car enthusiasts of the human body. We want to design and build and mix and match from both totally original concepts and after-market production parts. We won't be the first person to roll the fenders to accommodate the 3" drop and 8" wide wheels and tires and we won't be the person to do a set of nipple rings either. We won't be the first person to airbrush a whole piece that stretches from half way down the driver's door to the rear fender and wraps around to match the symmetrical design on the other side before meeting for a whole new merger of designs that covers the whole trunk of the car and we won't be the first person to do a set of sleeves that meet at the shoulders and merge into a huge back piece.

We won't be the first to do any of that. But what we will be is the one that designs how all of the individual pieces go into it and where they fit and how they fit. We'll pick the colors for the paint or ink. The types of metals for the trim or piercings. The body kits or surgical procedures to change all the lines or how they body shape works.

And we do it all with an eye towards a final finished product that is totally unique and original, personal and deliberate, that emphasizes the parts most beautiful parts and washes away the flaws or inadequacies that you see in the original factory-issue design.

The best thing about heavy BodyMod is that sometimes you're the owner, sometimes you're the car, and sometimes you're a Transformer and can be both. And there's you random 80's nostalgia reference thrown in for a joke.

The final taboo kink that I really enjoy and wanted to mention here is watersports.

To some, it's as normal as kissing, and to others, it's equated with scat play. There's no line for some people and they can't see that one. One can't engage in one while still being disgusted by the other, in the eyes of some. It's edgy. And taboo.

Honestly, this is probably the only kink I have on my list that I would legitimately call "taboo" just because there are so many that reject it outright. It's terribly niche and it conjures up bile in many. In the same way that eating a chocolate bar while sitting on the toilet does for well... anyone that isn't into that kinda brown thing in your mouth stuff. And I figure, if it makes some people sick to their stomach to even think about, then it's probably fairly taboo.

I mean, I know that furries make me feel a little nauseous. Mascot fucking.

But to me, it's a turn on because it's a form of edge play that really only have a very very dull edge. The psychological edge is far sharper than the physical side. And I think maybe that's the side of it that I really get turned on by. The unconscious concept of ingesting any form of waste is the edge here. Even if it's not really waste as much as excess. Unless you're actually ill. Then all of this is thrown out the window and it's just not healthy at all and right into the same physical edge play as it is psychological.

I'm not sure what else I can really say about it though. It's an edge play that isn't an edge play because it lacks the fundamental physical risk that is really required to be categorized as actual edge play, while still striking the same psychological triggers that edge play normally does. So it's kind of a best-of-both-worlds situation where I can still get the emotional and psychological reaction that I'm looking to achieve out of a partner, while not really risking their physical well-being in the process.

So there you go... there's a few thousand words on taboo kinks. And I really hope that other people will chime in on some of their taboo kinks and what it is about them that they enjoy or even as just use today's column as an excuse to admit out-loud (or as loud as your interwubz box key-strokes are) as to some of their taboo kinks.

I kinda wish mine weren't so pedestrial and boring, to be honest.