Random Thought Of The Day #503

Day 503

I've got this nagging feeling in the back of my head that I forgot something kind of important.

I have no idea what it is though.

I hate those days. In my caffeine-deprived state this morning, I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck I'm forgetting to do. And it SUCKS! This is gonna be rattling around in my brainbox for the next 3 hours. I fucking know it. And then I'm going to go "oh yeah, I left that Netflix envelope in my car & have to remember to drop it at the post office on my lunch break." or something fucking stupid like that.

Sadly, what days like this do though is distract me from being able to do any other real work either. My brain drifts off back to trying to figure out what it was that I was forgetting about frome earlier & then I realize I've been reading for the past 5 minutes and have no idea what I just read. . This, in turn, inevitably leads me back to thinking "ok, figure out what the fuck it is you're forgetting" and after another 10 minutes of not doing work, I repeat the process by trying to read, failing & thinking more.

It's fucking irritating.

And now it dawned on me that I'm fucking starving too. Must hunt fuuds shortly.

On an entirely different note, I'm really looking forward to the Halloween Play Party. And I have to give some serious thanks to GreyOne for hooking us up by letting us borrow a number of pieces of equipment.

It should be a good time. If you haven't already put in an RSVP for it... well... what the hell are you waiting for? I mean, what else can you ask for? Kinky fun, good people, booze, a number of pieces of play furniture to use, food, and me. You won't get that anywhere else.

Because remember... I AM the fucking party.

Random Thought Of The Day #502

Day 502

You know what's disappointing? I never get the full-body search when I go thru any security lines. I never get it at the airport. I didn't get it this weekend when we did the Eastern State Penitentiary haunted prison tour thing in Philly.

Hey... I wouldn't mind a little sexual harrassment & some groping.

Though the last time I flew, I did get my toybag inspected by the TSA. I had it packed well & my clothes packed in there to keep everything in place, but sadly, it didn't last. By the time I got to my destination, my bag had been gone thru, everything was out of place & I had to re-pack the toybag part of it. It was kind of annoying.

I got the little note from the TSA telling me "your bag was randomly selected to be checked.". Thanks, assholes. I kinda figured that out.

But they didn't give me a personalized note like they did to some chick that had her back searched on the way to Dublin. They left her a note that said "get your freak on, girl!" when they found her vibrator in her bag.

I don't get a groping. I don't get a personalize note. I'm totally playing the sexism card here. The TSA is sexist against giving us men a good groping or even taking a moment to personalize our "we fucked up your shit because the x-ray machine told us you were a freak" card.

That's some bullshit man... I demand my TSA groping & if you're gonna go thru my stuff, at least tell me which of my toys you liked the most! It's my right as an American, dammit! Equal RIGHTS!!!

Random Thought Of The Day #501

Day 501

I got back from Philly yesterday and while I love my friends, I have to say that I'm "socialized-out" a good bit. 48 hours or so straight of around a bunch of even the closest friends will kinda do that. I think I need to spend a day or 2 kinda decompressing & just hanging out at home. And considering that I've got like a half-dozen things that need fucking fixed, that's how I'm going to do so.

But in my decompressing this morning in the office before I start doing any real work, I came across something kinda interesting. Something that a number of my readers might be intrigued about. Something that I think should be common sense, but might not be.

Porn is slowly eating away at our libidos. We're becoming desensitized to sex & nudity and everything else thru our easy access to online porn.

Basically... we're overdosing on it. The standard fare porn stops doing it for us after a while and we need to find something harder or stranger or more exciting. I think a lot of us kinky fucks realize that to one degree or another. At least in our porn tastes.

But some Italian university did some sort of research study on it and has found that it's also affecting us in the bedroom as well.

It's leading more and more to ED at younger ages.

This makes sense. We get so stimulated by the scripted, choreographed, idealized porn situations, actors & actresses, and all of that, that when the real thing doesn't match up to the fantasy, we are less excited. We are less capable of "performing" because it's not at the same level of wild & erotic as the porn we mentally & subconsciously compare it to. The experience doesn't match. And the thing is, the real thing rarely matches up to the fantasy. The lighting isn't the same. The depravity isn't quite the same. The situations don't work out as perfectly as they do on video.

In real life, we have to stumble around and fall over out of the excitement of trying to get out of our jeans. We get our shirts caught over our heads while trying to yank them off too quickly. We lose footing while trying to get into "complicted-position-X-that-we-saw-in-that-porn-the-other-day" and fall on our faces. We have to stop and find the lube and then fumble around trying to line it up when we try to put it in her ass. The rope takes time to tie right without cutting off circulation or is too hastily done and slips loose in the middle of the session.

Long story short... sex is clumsy & imperfect in real life. It's not as easy or perfect as porn. Our partners might not be as vocal or we might not be. That wildly crazy kinky thing we saw on that video the other day might be something we have to talk to our partner about and ease them into or we might get flat-out told "no" to it because it's a hard limit. That doesn't happen in porn. Or we and our partners don't have the time or money to put hundreds of hours and tens of thousands of dollars into our bodies the way porn stars do. They or we might not match up to our fantasy.

Not as funny as those "your brain
on drugs" ads from back in the day.

And because of the overdosing on the fantasy, we're unable to accept these minor imperfections in partner or situation and can't maintain the same kind of arousal level that the porn gives us. We get lost in the fantasy & can't accept that real life isn't as ideal as porn shows us it is. We become detached from realistic expectations. We start NEEDING the idealized situations of porn to get us going or keep us going.

This study was apparently only performed on straight men (to the best of my knowledge), so it doesn't really apply to women or non-hetero males. I didn't read the actual study, only the synopsis & commentary on it.

But it can explain a few things. Guess too much of a good thing isn't such a good thing after all.

RTOTD #500.1 - Classic Re-Post Edition

Day 500.1

Day 31

Dear Great Pumpkin,

As your spirit is to Halloween what Santa Clause is to Christmas, I have decided that you are obligated to give me gifts as well. I believe that most people will agree with me on this subject and they will reply below.

As such, here is my list of free shit you may give me:

a deathray gun

a monkey

the remote control that allows me to kill the person on tv

a teleportation device large enough to transport my car

magical powers

vodka

gold

and guns

all of these are acceptable gifts. If, by any chance, I do not receive any of these or if I get pumpkin seeds or some other such bullshit in my Jack-o-lantern hung on the mantle or placed under the pumpkin vine decorating my living room, I shall track you down, eviscerate you and bake a wonderful pie with your internal organs, or whatever that mess is.

You have been warned, Great Pumpkin. I demand free shit.

Sincerely,

Your Friendly, Neighborhood Mad Scientist

I figured... in honor of both the time of year & the Day 500 celebration, we would re-post some classic Random Thought Of The Day posts from FetLife.

Tell me which posts you think are classic & I'll re-post them.

Random Thought Of The Day #500 - The Virus Edition

Day 500

God damn... I feel like I've been counting down to Day 500 for the past 2 weeks. It's weird. Like it's a bigger milestone for me than anything else I've hit so far. I mean, really... it's just another day. But today, I hit day 500. It's also 100 days (or is it 101? my memory & brain math sucks today) since I brought this blog/column/feature/waste-of-time back from the dead like a fucking zombie.

And like a zombie, it is mindless, without direction, seeking only to feed on your brains & probably goes after fat people more than those with more endurance because they can't run away as fast.

So... I have to ask... other than the Mad Libs Editions (yeah yeah yeah... I know... everyone wants more Mad Libs RTOTD )... tell me what YOU want to see more of in here.

Also... I'd like to get an idea of the total number of readers that I have on FetLife. So if you read this stupid shit more than once a week, just say so in the comments. Otherwise, I might have to beg the caretakers or the site admins to see how many page views each of these pages gets. And they're going to probably tell me to fuck off. Or go all Unibomber on me. Or something.

Now... that I've gotten that out of the way... on to more important things.

*silence*

What? You expect me to talk about something important?

I remember saying something a while ago about the new world & communication & creating your own virus to spread around this new world.

Well, this is part of my virus. This waste of your time that I manage to cobble together in a caffeine-&-alcohol-deprived state every morning. This is part of my virus. But the thing is, I'm not satisfied.

Yesterday, I made mention of the rampant attention whoring that the internet & facebook & all these other social networking things creates. But the thing is... we all do it. I'm doing it right now. I'm pandering to you, trying to get a laugh out of a bad joke or some kind of insult aimed towards one group of people or another. My virus is partially that of playing the court jester on here. I spew bullshit, piss some people off, make others snicker & generally write this as much to amuse myself as I do you.

I throw out some random Deadpool picture to make you chuckle & to comment on how much this whole world & the new world of the internet age is a joke. And I do my damnedest to live as a punchline for that joke.  That's another leg of my virus.

I point to the interesting as well as the ridiculous of the world & play the infotainment role. But that's not the whole of my virus.

I play the asshole to amuse & to take the brunt of the criticism & hopefully let someone else fix some of the shit that's wrong in the small worldof the community. To maybe make people think "I don't just have to do what everyone else is doing. I can do my own thing & not give a fuck what anyone else thinks. I don't have to just go along with the status quo." and maybe improve things or at the very least, question authority.

So why don't more of you create your own virus? This column is part of my virus. Start building your own.

Random Thought Of The Day #499

Day 499

Does anyone even actually use their Facebook account?

I mean, other than seeing which people I graduated with got fat, got ugly, had kids or got married, I NEVER use it. I don't play any games on it... I don't really care about any of the ads they have. I don't care to "like" anything on there. I rarely even look at other people's status updates. And I'm lucky if I post 2 status updates myself each month. I never link it to my Twitter or Foursquare. To be honest, it seems like just another useless social networking tool that doesn't actually network you with anyone you don't already know but haven't spoken to in a decade and it's not so much social as just another way for people to scream "pay attention to me!!"

Now, that's not to say I don't sit here every day and write shit without the expectation that people are going to pay attention to me. It's not to say that I don't enjoy watching the conversations that are brought up my rambling bullshit here. And that's not to say that this thing isn't my own form of screaming "Pay attention to me!!".

But considering that everyone I WANT to talk to, I have their phone number or e-mail address... it seems pointless for me to care about what they had for lunch & what photo they "liked" or what cause they're pushing or anything else. Mix that in with not giving a holy fuck about what these other 338 people that I used to know in highschool are doing, what their stupid kids or ugly wives are doing or thinking or any of that other crap... it seems more of a hassle than anything to maintain a facebook account.

Plus, once they got away from the "real people" thing, allowed nicknames & starting throwing the feeds of "random band X" or "random author Y" into your feed just because you read a couple of their books, it seems like it's pretty much just become MySpace version 2.0 with a news feed & games.

Maybe if I was a huge picture taking person or something. It's infinitely more useful as a cloud storage service for photos than most of the other sites like Flikr or even Instagram or Picassa or whatever. But since I've probably taken a dozen pictures that weren't for work in the past year, I don't really need it for that.

So I have to ask... is there really even a point to having one anymore? There doesn't seem to be any real reason to maintain it for me. Maybe if I played some of the games or gave a shit about some girl I kinda knew in highschool talking about how her kid was scared of the lightning last night and climbed into her bed, I could see keeping it. But at this point... I see no reason.

Ok... I think I'm done now.

Random Thought Of The Day #498

Day 498

Hey fuckers... remember to RSVP for the halloween party. Be there or be... I don't know... somewhere else? Doing something less fun? *shrug* I don't know... just fucking come.

That was the friendly reminder for the day.

On an entirely different note... what the fuck is going on with these people in Philly?

A secret creepy basement dungeon (and not the fun kind) with people locked up for years as part of a scam.  Like 10 kids locked up in there too. And they're not sure they even found all the people that might be kept locked up. WTF?

All it's missing is some cannibals to be a Rob Zombie movie.

Random Thought Of The Day #497

Day 497

You know... I kinda wanna get your opinions on this based on the discussion yesterday:

Do you prefer the quiet, more sensual atmosphere when you play? Or do you prefer the louder, wilder club-type atmosphere?

What about drinking? I'm not talking about drunken idiots. I just mean being able to have a couple drinks if you want.

I mean... ignore the space issues for a moment and the camera issues. Pretend everyone is obeying the photography policies & that people are giving you the space to play while the place is still crowded.

What kinda atmosphere do you prefer?

Personally, I prefer the lound, club-like atmosphere. Though that's strange since I generally hate clubs. I prefer the more low-key bars over the lound flashy clubs. But for play, I'm the exact opposite. Loud & fast music, dark with the strobe lights. That kinda thing. I think it gives an energy to the atmosphere that some slow "mood" music doesn't.

I mean, I don't need to hear the sounds of a flogger hitting someone's back. I can check in with my play partner with talking close if I have any concern about their reactions. And for the usual checking in things. So the noise doesn't bother me. The drowning out of individual voices into a sea of talking & laughing & bass & all that is kinda good. I like it. I don't want quiet. I hate quiet. I don't know why. I prefer chaos. I can't really explain it. Maybe it's cause I'm not very vocal when I play. I think the louder the venue gets, the more electric it gets & then the more vocal I become.

And I really prefer to be able to have a drink before or after a scene. That doesn't make it "unsafe", as long as you're a fucking adult that knows when is "too much". But I can understand the reluctance of some. But for me? It's not really a PARTY without some booze. I don't mean stumbling drunk ass-bags, but just something to get the vibe a little looser.

But hey, that's just me... what about you?

Random Thought Of The Day #496

Day 496

The Man. The Myth. The Legend.

Or according to some guy I don't know at that Fetish 101 party on Saturday night... the Unicorn of the BDSM Scene.


If I had Photoshop skills, this would end up being a
unicorn with a mushroom tip & wearing leather pants.



"Bigger then Jesus. Bigger than wrestling. Bigger than Beatles & Bigger than breast implants. Gonna be the biggest thing to hit these little kids. Bigger than guns. Bigger than cigarettes."

I found this amusing. I mean, how else are you supposed to reply to being called a unicorn? But I am amused enough that I'm totally stealing it. Now I just need a dildo horn on my forehead. I'm Doktor Unicorn. That doesn't have quite the ring to it that the ScienceJesus does. Or JoeMyGod!

Wait as second... I hope this doesn't mean that I'm glittery. If so... I'm totally blaming the strippers for that.

But back to the party.

I was rather impressed at the flow to it. I liked the party/bar atmosphere to it mixed with the play.

Is it sad to say that I was most pleased that I didn't have to hear anyone get all "holier-than-thou" about the mix of play & booze?

Also on that note... how has Drunk Rope not become a thing? Make someone get drunk & then tie them up? Or at the very least, try to play some jump rope. I mean... that's pun-tastic & would be greatly amusing to watch! Or it can be called "First one to fall flat on their face while their hands are tied behind their back loses!". It could be the new drunk kinky party game where everyone but one person wins!

Regardless... once again proving something I've been talking about for a while now to be correct... an event that appeals to both the gay and/or leather community & the kink community can be rather successful.

Now, there were some issues. People complaining about the smoke. But fuck... it was no worse than 80% of the bars/clubs in the city that aren't also restaurants. There was also issues on space & effective space use. It wasn't a terribly big space. And with all the people there, it definitely made things cramped. But there were pseudo-DM's there to keep people away from scenes. And a lot of the peanut-gallery were effective in keeping the really drunk people from getting right into the middle of a scene. Especially that dude that was drinking a pitcher of something that looked like rum & unire thru a straw.

That dude was fucking TRASHED.

I was also confused to find out that Ke$ha & Lady GaGa are "REAL FETISH MUSIC!"

I guess if you have a fetish for glitter or ugly, manly chicks with a fucked up fashion sense. And no... I'm not going to post any pictures of either of those to fucking trainwrecks on here. I won't even pollute my own google image search history for that. And I just spent the last 15 minutes searching for a funny face planting picture too.

But hey... overall... it was a pretty decent party.

Random Thought Of The Day #495

Day 495

Apparently leaving a list of your passwords & their associated services or whatever in your Will is now a thing. And it's probably going to become an even bigger thing in the future with all the Cloud-based date storage services, paperless account statements, online banking, and all the rest of that stuff. I guess it's probably a good idea...

I mean, your iTunes account is basically your CD collection of the present & future. Your paperless billing for your utilities & banking is the only way to even find account numbers at this point unless you're still a neanderthal and use paper billing & write checks. Who the fuck writes checks anymore? Unless it's to some company still working in the stone age. Like pretty much any government entity. And the Gas & Water companies.

But this is kind of a strange change to me for some reason. I can't quite put my finger on the "why" as of yet, but something about it bothers me.

I mean... being kinky and all, I already have my plans in place in case of a freak car accident, shooting, meteor strike or spontaneous combustion from walking into a church... I have someone whose job it is to quickly & quietly destroy one specific external hard drive (which I should probably get moved onto just a flash drive eventually) with all my porn on it. I think my ridiculously slutty punk chick, body mod & watersports kinks are something that my parents can be spared from needing to sift thru to find actual important information like banking & tax records.

I also have someone whose job it is to take care of making my toybox disappear. Though with it's ever-growing size, maybe their job will just be to set the house on fire instead. But all the rope, the floggers, toys, paddles, canes, chains & whatever else is there... they all go.

But that's all I was worried about when it comes to death-prep plans.

Now, I guess I should probably put something together for all of my passwords & whatnot. But it still creeps me out a little bit for some reason.

You know what just dawned on me... I was watching Castle the other day & they had an episode with some cryogenics company that would come grab your body up the minute you died to throw your ass into the deep freeze.

A business to dispose of your porn & sex toys & anything else you don't want your parents, kids, grandkids or whatever going thru if you are also a victim of a freak shooting, meteor strike or when you spontaneously combust from stepping foot in a church. You pay me a retainer fee & hook a brother up with a key & when you drop dead, it sents off an alarm in the ScienceJesus' Laboratory, the "Porn Signal" (similar to the Bat Signal... but with porn) lights up the sky and I hop in the Doktor-mobile, bust into your house, rip out your hard drive & generally play the role of the Cleaner before mom, dad, aunt suzy, grandma rosa & that kid who is still a disappointment shows up to start going thru your crap & finding your Will.

The same one that accidentally throws in your FetLife password along with your banking information.

I could totally make money off this.