Because You Demanded It - RTOTD #793

Day 793

So I've decided to let my hair grow again. I'm kinda getting that itch to have long hair again. I know a number of you ladies are already squeeing "yay!" in anticipation. You've been asking me for like 2 years now when I was going to let it grow back. Now you have an answer.

Just figured I should let you know. Give you something to be excited for on an otherwise dreary day. Well, in another year or 2 when it's down past my shoulders again and you're always asking if you can play with it.

You're welcome.

But I think it's also time that the beard becomes less... fuzzy.

And yes, I'm still suffering some severe writers block/lack of motivation on pretty much any topic. Hence, you're being subjected to me rambling about changes to my personal grooming.

Oh... and thanks to those of you that came out for HATE Weekend. This might just have to become the new standard practice. With us turning it into a weekend-long event instead of just a simple party. I'm kinda loving the HATE theme, but we need to see more hate at HATE.

To be honest, I might want to consider doing something slightly even bigger with HATE next year, and I kinda want some opinions and input on it, as well as checking the interest level.

So here's kinda my basic "I just came up with this and haven't fleshed out a single detail  yet" outline for the future of HATE. I kinda want to make it into a thing. Not just a house play party. I'm thinking at a venue. I know a couple venue owners/managers that might be open to the idea, but I haven't approached them yet.

I also know and know of a handful of DJs and bands that might be interested as well. But again, I haven't talked to them.

I was thinking a 2-night thing with an option for something during the day. I don't know yet what the something should be though. The thing is, if it's an event at a place with things and entertainment, it might need to turn into a "pay for it" event instead of a "help me keep my liquor cabinet and beer fridge stocked so bring booze or snacks" event. And I don't know if that'll turn people off from it or not.

As for what to do during the day... that's where I'm really fucking stuck. Classes are... meh. Every event has classes to some degree, I guess. But unless they're limited to some niche serious-pain-inflicting thing, I think classes for a thing like HATE might be kinda fucking dumb. I also know that some of my ideas for other types of classes that are more like panel discussions and Q&A stuff for artists/musicians/artisans/etc doesn't fit the theme either. At all. That's something I want to do for some other kind of thing that's more geared towards a mix of Comic-Con meets Shibaricon, only on like 1/10 the scale. If even that.

Maybe just classes on how to go full-on psychological warfare mode on your play partner might be fitting for something like HATE? Or nothing but really sadistic shit? Topics that scream "I kinda might wanna kill you right now" because we all have that line between love/hate with our significant others and it could be an excuse to let out some of that pent up aggression.

I don't know. I'm just throwing shit at the wall right now and seeing if anything sticks. I don't even know how committed I am to even doing that. I guess that depends on response though.

My normal philosophy when it comes to throwing any sort of party is to just throw the party that I want to attend and fuck everyone elses opinions. And it's worked out pretty well so far, right? Other than idiots that somtimes hit other peoples cars. But that's only been twice and thankfully, nothing fucked up (that I know about) happened on Friday. But for some reason, with this one... I just can't quite figure out what it's missing. I know there's a missing element here, but I just don't know what it is. So that's my question for you...

What would a HATE theme event be in your head? What would it look like? What is missing that takes it into some next-level shit territory besides the obvious? What is something that you've seen at something else that just screams to you "hey, we should do this at a HATE party"?

So yeah... that's all I got today. Back to the word mines. I am making virtually zero progress on the 2nd book right now. I have the stories that I want to tell in it... well, most of them anyway... but I'm just not really getting in that zone for writing that makes the words flow and the jokes work just right.

Maybe I'm just lacking the ability to really engage my brain box entirely right now. It would explain why I can't figure out what the fuck the daytime portion of a HATE event would look like as well as my pseudo-writersblock all at once. Fuck it. I'm gonna go read a book or something. Or maybe even actually do work... at work.

My Valentine's Day Message To You All - RTOTD #792

Day 792

Someone bring me the head of Hallmark's CEO!

And to those of you that hate this day... just remember:

So that might make you feel better. (Credit to Warren Ellis)

And a reminder to everyone getting a little piece tonight after you spend way too much bloody money on dinner and flowers and a present. Never go Ass-to-Pussy. Always go Pussy-To-Ass or Ass-To-Mouth. Or just keep some hand sanitizer next to the bed.

Keep it romantic. Anal is totally romantic, right? RIGHT?

Bored - RTOTD #791

Day 791

Fet has become so boring for me that I don't even know why I check it most days.

Honestly... there's very little here that I care to look at. There's far more activity on Twitter with people I actually talk to and hang out with. There's better porn on Tumblr. And I won't even get into the writings. It's either verbose erotica that bores the crap out of me, or it's ranty-rants about policies, drama, or 101 bullshit.

Really... it's just boring. And none of you motherfuckers are entertaining me. I can't always be the one doing the entertaining. It's your god damned turn!

Though this is probably just my own personal expression of SAD. Around this time each year, some people seem to like to start shit with people and create drama. Others seem to like to go on ranty diatribes about preposterous bullshit that isn't even funny or throw a temper tantrum about some perceived injustice. I, on the other hand, get bored and find little to no inspiration to write, while also being disinterested with most things on Fet.

Maybe I just need to look for better inspiration elsewhere? I don't know.

So I'm gonna just state a bunch of stuff that some people might get pissed about and others will be amused by and most everyone else will go "oh... meh" and ignore because it's as boring as everything ELSE around here. Plus, I don't feel like being super interesting today.

1. Susan Rice kinda looks like a mouse. Yes, the US Ambassador. She totally looks like that mouse from one of those animated movies. I think Stuart Little, but I don't feel like looking it up. In fact, she kinda looks like she has whiskers.

2. People that use sockpuppet accounts are childish pussies hiding in their mom's basement with massive inferiority complexes desperately seeking relevance by throwing temper tantrums.

3. I don't give a fuck if Shit, Incest, or any of that other crap is now banned from Fet. And I have no idea why people are throwing a tantrum about it. Oh, what's that? Don't like Visa's policies? I still bet you have a Visa in your wallet. Jesus christ, children... settle the fuck down. 4 things that violate obscenity laws in the country where most of the members are and where the banks are almost all centrally located are out. Give it up with your "bunch of Nazis" and "when will MY fetish be blacklisted as well" crap. Settle the fuck down and just deal with it. You do know that IRC is still around for your weird kinks, right? Go there. And please take the Furries with you? Please?

4. You people do know that when you find a way around possible new regulations and laws, you're not actually supposed to go straight to the press with it, right? Cause I just saw an article about how 3D printing is the way to get around any bans on the sale of "high-capacity magazines" for rifles. I wanna know how long before 3D printing of machine guns is the wave of the future. Cause I kinda wanna see if they can 3D print me up a motherfucking jetpack. WHERE'S MY FUCKING JETPACK! The science fiction future that we're living in says I get a god damned jet pack and I want it.

5. Hey @Diotima... some broad just died from drinking too much coke every day. Might wanna cut down on your "multiple 2-liter bottles per day" diet coke habit. Just a public service announcement.

6. Every joke that could be made about what you're giving up for Lent has been made. I'm giving up bad, recycled, and not-very-innovative Lent jokes. You're welcome. I think just about all of the rest of you should do this as well. They're just old now. But zombie jesus Easter jokes? Never get old. Same with fart jokes.

7. In case none of you bothered to look... @Artemis_Fallen's birthday party has been slightly changed. It's now a Masquerade party instead of a "just wear whatever the fuck you want" party.

8. I really kind of hate you all.

9. ENTERTAIN ME, YOU LAZY PUSSIES!

10. I am on an old-school, horrible movie kick right now. I just re-watched "RAD" and "Gleaming The Cube". I kinda wanna watch the original Super Mario Brothers movie and The Wizard... but that's mostly because I am apparently also on an old-school video game kick.

While I'm at it, I kinda wanna see what would happen if you stuck these kids that play 47 hours a day of Call Of Duty at an 8-bit nintendo system and gave them duck hunt or the original Super Mario Brothers. Maybe Contra. I'd love to see them so confused on how to beat things.

I really think that the only thing that got me thinking about this is that the Super Mario Brothers theme is now my phone's text message alert tone. I also wanna re-watch The Avengers because I made Shoot To Thrill my ringtone the other day. I'm apparently very affected by hearing certain noises.

Replaceable - RTOTD #790.1

Day 790.1

Baby Bailey!

I don't know exactly what prompted me to remember this, but it's kind of a combination of a story and question for you all.

Many years ago, I was dating this girl when I first got Bailey. I had wanted to get a dog for years. I hadn't had one since I was a kid and really missed having a dog. I actually think I kept a couple friends through the years that I hadn't even really like all that much just because I really liked their dogs. So I was kind of ecstatic to get Bailey.

A month or 2 later, I broke up with her. She was kind of a mess anyway, sweet girl, just far too high maintenance for my ability to deal with. And to be honest, I hadn't really been all that into her for the entire time we were dating. She was sweet and all, and enthusiastic in bed, but we didn't have much in common and while I feel a little bad about it now, the whole relationship was really just kinda something to keep me occupied.

Yes, I've gotten into relationships just because I was bored.

So when I got my dog and I broke up with her, she actually blamed my dog. She had kinda resented the dog from the first time I brought him home. Granted, I hadn't told her I was getting a dog before-hand, but fuck it. That wasn't her business. And it wasn't like we were living together or anything.

But she actually blamed the dog for me dumping her. She said that he was a replacement for her. She knew she was  needy and that (and I don't mean physically... I mean emotionally high-maintenance) and that getting Bailey was foreshadowing of me dumping her.

So I have to ask ... have YOU ever thought that you had been replaced with a pet? Have you ever blamed the dog for getting dumped?

And no, if you fart a lot and always blame the dog, but get dumped for being a farter... It doesn't count.

I think I also replaced another girl with a new car one time. But that one? That one I did purposefully.

I Call Bullshit! - RTOTD #790

Day 790

So.... the Pope is quitting. Or is he just giving it up for Lent?

Or maybe he's retiring to take up the title of Sith Lord.

But in a stunning development, I will gladly accept any given nomination to be the replacement Pope.

So feel free to cast those replacement Pope ballots! Because you know Pope Joe would be fucking awesome!

This Is A Real Thing - RTOTD #789

Day 789

This is actually a thing.

Konstant Kittens

Because what the world needed was more motherfucking cats that are going to either get put down or to further the degeneration of society into "cats as the common family pet" instead of "dogs are the normal family pet".

This is illustrative of the change in our culture away from pets that actually require tending to, towards an animal that kinda fucking hates you but still depends on you WHILE being resentful of you. Mostly due to the growing self-absorbed nature of Americans. And we REALLY needed to fucking nurture more of that shit, didn't we?

Either that... or we're letting some people enjoy the kitten part of cats (the only time when they're even moderately tolerable) while also providing more cats for the growing "crazy cat lady" population. Or the growing "need a kitten to make an internet meme" population.

I mean... where else are we going to find more cats to replace those that are found dead under a pile of junk in an episode of Hoarders? Show me one episode where they found a dead dog? There was 1 episode with someone that hoarded dogs. But they also hoarded cats and something else too.

I cry for our culture sometimes. We were just plain better people when we were "dog people" than we are as "cat people".

And before all you cat people come defending your spiteful ball of fluff that poops in the corner and pees on everything and fills your house with ammonia smell... just go fuck yourself and get a dog. You'll be a happier person. Because even when a dog pisses you off or annoys you, it's because they actually LIKE you and want your attention. Instead of your cat, who just wants you to feed it and change it's litter box and then go fuck right off.

I'm going to get so many pissed off people because of this. It's going to be great.

Remember Your Wikipedia Voice, Children - RTOTD #788

Day 788

So I was reading that clusterfuck last night, and I couldn't help but read it in the voice of the "Sunday, SUNDAY, Sunday" monster-truck-rally guy voice from the commercials. Was I the only one that did that? Or the only one that found it hilarious to do so?

If you haven't done it yet... just take a moment and imagine it. Come on. It's kinda awesome.

On an entirely unrelated note... well maybe tangentially related... kinda... but only if you read last night's Point 1 edition... whatever. Ok, so regardless. I was thinking about my Internet Bullhorn idea. How would it work? What would it look like in practice.

And then it hit me. With a bullhorn, you can be louder than someone else to get attention. So in intertronland, we just substitute ALL-CAPS for yelling, right? Well, the thing is, all-caps just makes YOUR text most noticeable and draws some minor additional attention.

But it's not really LOUDER. So how do we make it louder? Oh, that's right. We make the font bigger, right? That's a lot louder than the normal internet speaking volume.

But we have one final obstacle to conquer. Bullhorns let you talk over people. It lets you drown them out if you want. It also forces people that aren't even in the conversation to hear you... soooooo... how do we do that?

I'm thinking that this might be a question that requires 2 steps to solve. First, it would have to make your text big and bold and all-caps, but it would also have to make it spread over top of the voice that you're drowning out. Therefore, it would have to cover their text to do so. Otherwise, people could still hear them. And you can't be drowning someone out if other people can still hear them, right?

And to solve the 2nd half of the problem, it should "push" your big loud message into the feeds of other random people within a designated proximity. Covering the things that other random people are saying that aren't even in the conversation Maybe anyone that's logged on at that moment and lives within X-miles of your selected location? And it just graffiti their wall up for a few moments before fading away.

There you have it.  There's my idea of the world's first Internet Bullhorn. Because we need the intarwubz to be an accurate replacement for real-life. Right? And THIS just doesn't quite work

So... does anyone want to code it and then install it into FetLife or just my browser and then only give access to it to me? well, I guess John Baku could have one too. It is his sandbox, after all. So I will grudgingly give him an internet bullhorn too. But I definitely need to be the only asshole with one around here. I'm the only one with anything interesting enough to say.

Also... I think we need to establish "inside the internet" voices as well as our "Wikipedia voices" so we're always at the appropriate volume to imitate real-life. But that's because I'm maybe a little bit crazy.

Utility Belt - RTOTD#787

Day 787

So when is the last time Batman actually USED his utility belt? Except for some bat-arangs that I don't know how they fit in there, and that grappling hook gun.

In fact, what the fuck do ANY superheroes keep in all the pouches and pockets they have on their costume? I mean, you MIGHT need like 1 pocket for a couple bucks and a pack of smokes, but you're a costumed hero... You sure as fuck don't have your ID or credit cards. I don't think Citi Bank will issue a card for "Spider-Man". Well, maybe. Maybe that explains the Wall Street collapse? The Avengers and FF and X-Men decided "fuck it... We're done paying our credit card bills. What are they gonna do? Sue us?"

I would totally have grenades in my utility belt. And a flask. And some cigars & a lighter. Maybe my phone? But I think with my luck, one punch from a rampaging hulk and even Gorilla Glass won't stand up to that.

So seriously... What the fuck does Batman have in there? Even superman has a couple pockets on his belt. So unless he's folding up his Clark Kent clothes like super small in a vacuum bag, I don't see what the fuck Superman needs a single pocket for...

Ok... Comic rant over.

Kinky Mad Libs - RTOTD #786

Day 786

So here's the actual post. Don't fucking cheat. I'm putting it all in 1 post this time. For those linking into this up from Tumblr, Facebook, or Twitter... I'm going to add the Selections section at the top. Then I'll leave a gap for the "Fill In The Blank" section below that.

1. Thing  you can buy
2. Adjective
3. Activity

4. A common phrase

5. A strong feeling or emotion

6. Mental disorder

7. A type of behavior or response

8. Stationary Object

Post your completed version in the comments section.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I was sitting at home watching TV one day when a commercial for ______1______ came across the screen. I was intrigued. It seemed really _____2_______ . I sat there and watched for a moment, before all of a sudden an idea popped into my head for how I could use it to ______3______ when I had my girl tied up. It was brilliant. Because, you know... fuck yeah, pervertables! And pervertables from infomercials too? I mean... the "As Seen On TV" store could become the next big thing in kinky toy vending!

I decided that I needed to buy it. I mean, I'm all about the dual-purpose things. Even if I didn't really care about fancy phrases like "______4______ ".

When it arrived, I was ______5______ . It was everything I expected it to be and more. Plus, hey... if I could find a way to dual-wield that and my bullhorn, I'd make a fucking spectacle of myself. And you all know how much I love to revel in my ______6______ . Because the spotlight is fucking killer.

Walking into a play party that weekend, I was _____7_______ with anticipation. I couldn't wait. We got set up pretty quickly and I started unpacking the toybag. My new toy, a bullhorn, sandpaper, a half-filled flask of Everclear, rope, and an assortment of beating instruments, one by one, were pulled from the bag and placed on a ______8______ . It was almost time.

I Really Am This Bored - RTOTD #785

Day 785

I'm so bored that I think I want to make a sockpuppet account on FL just to troll myself.

I've been severely lacking trolls recently, so it might jump start the trend.

Or they just all realized that I'm smarter than them and will own every insult they throw my way, plus I can be a jackass back at them with more originality than them, and eventually leave them as sniveling puddles of tears and blood.

Or just break out a bullhorn and be louder than them so I never even hear them.

So here's your lesson for the day... Bullhorns are Troll-repellent.

Or maybe I'm just really really bored. I think I'm just really really bored.

Since it's Friday, I figured we could... oh fuck it. I'm just gonna sit here and play solitare on my iPad or read a book or something. I just want to go home.

I mean... I'm bored enough that I'm not just going to fill this thing with porn just to amuse myself.

Or maybe I will...