Random Thought Of The Day #419

Day 419

First and foremost... Hey Vancouver??!!... Yeah... YOU!  Fuck You. Fuck your sense of entitlement and fuck your pompous "we're the best in the league and canadian and gonna win it all" bullshit. As much as I hate Bostonians (it's a beautiful city, I just hate all the people there. Because they're either Patriots fans or Red Sox fans and I want to cock slap both of those teams) and their superiority complex, I hate you motherfuckers more.

I only wish it could have been to a team other than Boston, with the exception of the following that I hate almost as much as you:

Montreal, Philly, Detroit, New Jersey

I would add Washington, but that would involve them not being a bunch of primadonna choke artists that don't have a goaltender or anything approaching defense. And we know that sure as shit ain't gonna happen.

But on to other things...

If I had a quarter for every time something went bad and I heard any variation of the phrase "Joe! Fix IT!!" (thought my favorite is still "joe, make the bad things go away") ... well... I'd probably have at least enough money to go buy some video games. Or a handful of lap dances.

So I have a friend that used to live locally but moved home, out on the other side of the state, to take care of her dad a few years back. She was seeking advice on her present relationship last night when all of a sudden, my phone starts ringing. I look down and it's my ex.

She was drunk-dialing.

Thankfully, not for a bootycall (did I just actually use that term in text? It's bad enough saying it, but it looks ultra-gay in text), because I don't know if I could have said no to her. I know that a handful of you met her when we dated last year, so you can kinda figure out WHY it would have been hard to say no, but still... No, it wasn't for a bootycall but rather to yell at me... apparently because I ruined her for dating.

I mean, I'm kinda fucking awesome. And there's definitely not another one of me in the world. The universe couldn't handle that much awesome without causing like a singularity or some shit. That much awesome would collapse under it's own weight and suck the whole solar system into it. But still...

It turned into a 2 hour conversation with her telling me to "fix it" so that we could get back together, yelling about how every guy now gets compared to me and how none of them match up while also telling me how much she hates me but still wants me but wishes she could get over me. So in essence, I apparently ruined her for dating. Lemme tell you... my ego was already the size of Texas when she called... those of you that have met her can attest... getting told that by a girl like this moves that ego into the size-of-the-former-Soviet-Union territory.

By the end of the phone call, she apologized for yelling at me, told me again how much she still hates me but doesn't and said that she felt like a 1000 times better and thanked me for making her feel better.

I really do hope she finds someone almost on my level of awesome that makes her happy. Cause as much as I want to, the variables on why it can't work now aren't changing anytime soon and we can't give it another shot. She was the one girl I could have actually seen myself going vanilla for. 13 years of knowing someone and being into them, the first 12 of which not knowing that it was mutual, can do that to you... no matter how much of a kinky fuck you are.

There's really not much I can add to this in the line of other media today... no, I'm totally not putting naked pictures of her up here... She'd fucking kill me... and that would totally not be consentual. But at least I know what she looks like naked and you fuckers can only imagine...

So here's some Deadpool talking about peanuts...