Better - RTOTD #764

Day 764

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
I'm better than everyone
Happy birthday to me

Have a nice day! Or don't. But I will. Even if I'm on the other side of the country.

Thanks! - RTOTD #763

Day 763

I wanted to thank everyone that came out on Saturday for my birthday party. It was kinda killer. And in a shocking turn of events, I was actually sober enough to go to bed of my own accord at the end of the night, rather than requiring someone carry me up the damn stairs in a repeat of last year.

Thanks for the gifts that you brought, and thanks for the booze. It really helped to restock the liquor cabinet and keep the booze flowing for everyone.

Did everyone love the Mistlecock? This is a new annual holiday tradition. Every home should have a Mistlecock around the holidays.

For those that don't know, the Mistlecock is a suction cup dildo stuck to the ceiling, similar to mistletoe. Except the rule is that instead of a kiss under the mistletoe, you've gotta do SOMETHING that involves an area below the belt when you're under the Mistlecock. So a blowjob, fucking, eating pussy. Whatever.

Plus... getting head from @Sybele in the middle of the living room, underneath the Mistlecock... well, that's always fun. Another birthday tradition. A public blowjob on my birthday from Sybele is always a great way to celebrate my birthday. In fact, there was MUCH sex going on. I'm pretty sure half of my close friends have fucked in the Ugly Room so far. In fact, I think the only people that have NOT fucked in the Ugly Room are the 3 of us that live there! But then again, we have beds for that.

There's not really much else to say today. I'm just glad you all came out and I hope everyone had fun. And thanks again for the gifts. And the dogs also appreciated the toys that some brought for them.

And remember, the Immanentized Eschaton is coming up on New Years Eve. We might even try to do a toast this year. Like, with planning ahead of time. Instead of just kinda going "oh fuck, we might wanna think about doing that" at like 11:45 like we did last year.

LITTLE - RTOTD #762.2

Day 762.2

You know what we need? A sequel to BIG. But this time, it's called Little. And Tom Hanks finds that weird machine again, makes a wish, and starts making cheesy comedy movies again like he did in the 80's.

I mean... We've alreadly remade everything that was even moderately OK. And now we're at the point where we're making sequels to movies from 20 years ago. Prometheus. The upcoming Star Wars 3rd Trilogy. The upcoming sequels to Who Framed Roger Rabbit? and Bladrunner and a bunch of other ones. So let's make a kinda meta-sequel.

Or we can just have him become Fred Savage again. That was Fred Savage, right? I don't feel like looking it up.

Quick Hits - RTOTD #762.1

Day 762.1

Some quick things:

1. Does anyone remember that movie from the late 80's or early 90's about the kids in space camp that end up in space by accident? What was that movie called?

2. Remember to just take a moment and remember the WWII vets and everyone that were lost at Pearl Harbor all those many decades ago. And if you happen to run into any vets today... thank them for their service.

Also... apologize to them for that shitty Ben Affleck movie. In fact, maybe we owe the Japanese some payback for that whole Pearl Harbor thing by forcing them to watch that movie over and over for 24 hours every December 7th.

3. So the idiot in chief wants the ability to now pick his credit card limit? LOL! I wish I had that choice with the bank. Spend a lot of money I don't have. Then, when I get close to my limit, just raise it. Spend more. And then when I'm finally done, I just give the credit card AND THE FUCKING BILL to the next guy? Dude... now THAT'S a helluva setup.

4. I totally missed celebrating my 1000th writing on Fet. I'm at 1003 as of this writing, I believe. At some point, I really need to make a request to Fet for some hit counting or something on there so I can get an idea of readers, since 90% of you fuckers don't say anything.


5. I'm going to call shenanigans on something. Girls who wear clothing with writing on it. When it's written all over your ass or across yoru tits, I don't ever want to hear a single one of you bitch when we're staring. You put words there, motherfucker, I'm going to read them. Period. I might read them more than once. So don't complain about it and don't try to play that shit off all cutesy like "oh gee, I didn't expect anyone to read that!". Bullshit. You knew throwing words on your ass was going to get people staring at your ass to read it. Same goes with that shirt with words on your tits. So cut it the fuck out and own what you're doing. You know it. We know it. And you know that we know it. So just admit what it is. A cheap ploy to get people to check out your assets.

That's not to say I'm going to complain about you using a cheap ploy to get me to check out your wares. Just admit that it is what it is. I don't put words across my junk and if I did, I guarantee that it would say just say "JUNK!"

6. Now that I've thought about it... here's the line of clothing for men to wear to compliment the "JUICY" written-across-the-ass-wear that girls have. It's on the front and just says "JUNK!" I am totally owning the fuck out of that and if someone else makes it first, I'm suing for copyright or patent or whatever bullshit intellectual property violation I can come up with. That shit is MINE!

7. I'm about to start returning the couple donations that were made towards the Title Belt. Since I've gotten all of $40 between 3 people. There's $90 in the pot for it and $50 of it is mine!

8. Reminder... since tomorrow is my birthday party... I am going to be in rare form. And you should all totally help pitch in for a stripper. Because that shit was awesome last time.

Yawning - RTOTD #762

Day 762

You people have been boring the christ out of me recently. Get interesting. Because honestly, you kinda suck. Do things. Say things. Go do interesting things and then discuss them. Quit being fucking boring.

Because I'm almost to the point where I'm about to move this blog off of Fet to a more interesting audience. I'm getting sick of being the only person to say anything interesting. I'm getting more interesting responses on Tumblr anyway. So it's almost not worth the effort.

I mean, for fuck sake... The best things we could come up with in the past few months have been "how to be safe in the scene", making fun of a dime-store Master P wannabe, and a demo on how to survive the holidays with your vanilla family... You know, the thing you've been doing for the past X-decades before and after you realized you were kinky and/or got into an alternative relationship. Come on... Nobody has such a rope compulsion that they're going to lose control an tie grandma up in the chair or suspend turkey from the chandelier in the dining room.

All of you... Use some fucking imagination. Yeah, I get it. We're all getting to the point where we're jaded and don't give a fuck anymore. But there's gotta be some topics that could be at least fun to talk about without getting into just "pulling shit out of your ass" territory. Hell, that would be a better topic. How many things do we really need to still talk about?

There's also so much holiday shit going on that we don't go online as much (which is kinda bullshit. It takes 2 hours to do all the holiday shopping you need and if it takes 2 weeks to decorate for Christmas, you're doing it wrong) and its hard to come up with presenters willing to travel this time of year for demos, or think about much more than what else you have to do for this thing or that thing. But come the fuck on. Use some imagination.

Cause you bitches are boring the fuck out of me.

Extra 20% Off - RTOTD #761.1

Lulu is running an additional 20% discount sale thru the 14th. Just enter FELICITAS at checkout for any of the versions of my book at http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/ScienceJesus

Or just click one of the links to the right & enter that code at checkout. Remember to enter it in all caps. Or just copy & pasted it from here!

#PodiumWatch - RTOTD #761

Day 761

I think Ron Burkle just walked into the NHL and NHLPA meetings, walked up behind Don Fehr, put a boot square up his ass... walked right over to Gary Bettman, repeated the process, and has since been walking around going "Hey look, new snow shoes!"

Because it looks like we've maybe got an agreement to get some Hockey back.

There's a podium set up in New York right now. Nobody really knows WHY, but someone set it up last night. That ought to signal something. Or it's someone's sick idea of a practical joke.

DON'T FUCK WITH ME, NHL! I'M ALREADY PISSED!

I will come out there an put MY boots to someone's asses if you're fucking around with getting my hopes up.

Dude, That's Racist! - RTOTD #760

Day 760

So... the Walking Dead. I love that show. It's great. It's just different enough from the comics that I don't feel like "I've already seen this" every week, but there's just enough fan-service in it to say "Yes, Robert Kirkman gets to do Walking Dead Earth 2 by producing the TV show".

But the thing that I can't stand is how they've treated the black characters in this show.

With the exception of Morgan in the Pilot, none of the black characters have been even marginally fleshed out. That's bullshit. T-Dog was on that show for 2 1/2 seasons and you didn't know a damn thing about the guy other than his only real weakness is rusted out cars. He got about 10 lines of dialogue during ALL of Season 2 (after actually getting dialogue in season 1) and then when he started talking again in Season 3, they fucking killed the guy.

And while that's bad enough, the one thing that I really can't stand is that the producers seem to have a "1 black guy at a time" quota for the show. Seriously.

"Oh, 3 new black guys shows up? Gotta kill 2 of them!"

"Last new black guy survives? Gotta kill T-Dog..."

2 weeks later...

"Tyrese showing up in the woods with a new group of survivors?... gotta kill that replacement T-Dog, whose name you barely even remember (did they even say it?) so Tyrese can be here! ONLY 1 BLACK GUY AT A TIME!"

That there are presently 2 black women scares me. Looks like Tyrese's woman ain't long for the world! Cause I think the fans would flip if they killed Michonne.

Not quite on THIS level that they are with Daryl, but still!

 

Motherfuckers... this is in GEORGIA. There are black people there. It's OK to have more than 1 or 2 on the damn show at once!

Tossed - RTOTD #759

Day 759

I've realized that I really haven't been thrown out of a lot of places. I mean, yeah... I got kicked out of the Hockey Hall of Fame that one time. And I've been thrown out of a handful of parties. Mostly from people I didn't know or barely knew. But still, only a handful of parties. Then there was at least 3 times I got thrown out of the movie theater. And a couple bars.

But generally speaking, even with my generally irreverant behavior and big fucking mouth, I don't really get thrown out of places.

I'm actually shocked by this.

There's been a lot of times where I probably SHOULD have been kicked out of places. There was the time where the bouncer at some bar, who was kind of a midget, told me to leave and I told him "No", turned around and continued my conversation, and he didn't really know what to do so he kinda just walked away. But I dont' think that one counts.

Narcissism - RTOTD #758

Day 758

So um... thanks to all of you for enabling my slow and steady descent into full-blown narcissism. It's helpful. And it'll be TOTALLY worth it when I can claim mental defect at some point in the future. I'm pretty sure narcissistic personality disorder is going to be in the DSM-5, right?

I think I might take a little break from writing 1000 or 2000 words here each day. Or rather, I think I'm taking a break from searching for a topic each morning that I can get get the inspiration to write that much about. The last week or so, there's been not much response to anything I've thrown out there, so fuck it... if the readers are lazy with feedback, I'm gonna be lazy with the content. You're gonna get pretty much whatever I actually feel like writing that morning. Even if it's an old-school "Daddy hates you. Behave" comment.

On an entirely different subject... Bridge and TNG are now "officially" affiliated? This wasn't the case before? You really expect me to buy that?  I bet you got a bridge you can give me a great price on too, right?

And finally... I'm so tired of driving to the BFE sections of western PA in the last month or 2. I think I've been on the other side of the Fort Pitt Tunnels about a half dozen times in the past 2 weeks and probably 8 or 9 times this month. Fuck that. I'm not even counting the one or 2 times I ended up just in the suburbs on that side of the city.

But no... I'm not driving out to anywhere beyond the 376/79 split for at least like... 2 or 4 months. Except for next week... when I have to go to the motherfucking airport again. But this time, so that I can actually get on a plane. And go to LA. Probably either the day before or the day of my birthday. That's going to be a shitty way to celebrate my birthday. Unless someone in LA decides to take me to the fucking nudie bar and treat me. Then, I won't complain. Well, I won't complain as much.