Random Thought Of The Day #485

Day 485

I have successfully conquered the Ukranian Death Walrus Flu & some sort of stabby back pain to return, oh faithful readers, to spewing inane crap out of your intarwubz box.

Or it could have just been a minor sinus infection from too much smoking.

Probably that... but I prefer the Ukranian Death Walrus Flu.

The problem with being sick like that though is that I pretty much do fucking nothing but sleep & occasionally make some toast. So I become entirely lost to the world around me. So what the fuck happened in my absence?

From the look of it... a big fat steaming pile of nothing..

Honestly... only thing I can find is how fucking crazy PETA has gotten. But really? Do I even need to go on a rant about this?



Is this supposed to be a negative ad thing? Cause I'm
pretty sure this is kinda hot.



*INSERT HYPERBOLIC RANT ABOUT VEGANS & HOPING THEY ALL DIE OF MAL-NUTRITION here*

Between that fucking chicken thing & the shark attack victim billboard, well... really? I think they crossed the line back into fucking lunatic territory... again. I give up on these idiots. I want to make a place for them & all the wild animals to go live in harmony. And when they get eaten by a fucking bear because they still look & smell like food to the bear, maybe they'll start to grasp the concept of a food chain.

Ohh... bears... I kinda want a pet bear. But a Panda. The short-bus student of the bear world. Cute. Always smiling. Cuddly. Lazy as fuck. A born carnivore that eats fucking wood. Can't even get the energy to fuck. Really? If it wasn't for your reliance on human beings to survive & force you to continue existing (because you are really fucking cute), you'd have died off a century ago.



You're a bear... eat meat, you retard.



Pretty much everything that Darwin said a species needs to do to survive, the Panda does the exact opposite.

They're like the vegans of the bear world. Or the pot heads. Wait... can eating a shitload of bamboo make you stoned? Cause if so, I'm gonna go to fucking Pier 1 when I'm off work and buy a shitload of bamboo stuff... oh... wait... that's all wicker... they're not the same thing... shit. Nevermind.

Now I want ice cream. I have no idea why or what connected to lead my brain from Pandas, vegans, Pier 1 Imports & bamboo to get to ice cream.

This is why we don't ask questions about how Joe gets from point A to point Q.

The answer is always: Wizardry.

Random Thought Of The Day #484

Day 484

I've been trying to fight this all morning but I feel like absolute shit. I don't know why. I can't seem to clear my head and I feel like all I want to do is sleep for another like 7 hours.

Maybe I need to go home and say that this isn't quite working yet today.

Hopefully that might help. Cause I feel like I'm gonna crash out at my desk otherwise.

In the meantime, here's some Deadpool to make you realize what all is going thru my head on a daily basis:

I'll be back later

Random Thought Of The Day #483

Day 483

Yeah, I know. This is way fucking late today. But mediocre ramblings about borderline irrelevant things are worth the wait. What? That's not how that saying goes?

You can't rush mediocrity?

Lower your expectations.

Fuck me sideways... Now I'm hungry. So yeah... That's pretty much it for today. It's monday & I don't pay attention to a fucking thing on the weekends other than where the beer is & hot girls. That's probably what makes this thing suck every Monday.

I'm gonna go eat something now. And maybe you'll get a .1 edition later.

Cause I'm just not even close to funny today.

Wait a second...

I must have seen this commercial like a dozen times in the past week (and I'm a little slow sometimes) but the Bimbo bread commercials... First of all, it's the worst jingle I've ever heard. Secondly, I know that's a company that's been around forever but I haven't seen a commercial since I was like 9. They really need to change that name...

I know there's a joke in there about bimbos & white bread somewhere... But yeah, I'm totally not that funny today.

I'll add some pictures later when I'm not doing this on my phone.

Random Thought Of The Day #482

Day 482

Today I have an interview with someone I've known for a long time, but have never really had the chance to introduce to a lot of my friends. Some of my very old friends know this person, but I don't know who else has been introduced to them. The following will be a transcript of our conversation. Totally unedited. So... without further adieu, let me introduce Bob:

Me: Hi Bob. Nice to see you.

Bob: Dude, you see me every day.

Me: well, I do but how the fuck else am I supposed to start a sit-down interview with someone most of my readers have never met?

Bob: Well... fuck, that's kind of a good point.

Me: yeah, see?

Bob: sure... ok so yeah... I'm good.  Yourself?

Me: Great. So let's get started. How long have we known each other?

Bob: Well, I guess it's about 13 or 14  years now?

Me: That sounds about right. And how did we meet?

Bob: You gave me a gift at random. You just said "hey, buddy... hold this" and then kept going and we've been friends since then.

Me: And did you like the gift? What was it?

Bob: sure, man... I loved it. Somehow you just knew exactly what I wanted and damn dude... I just kinda got a man-crush. As for the present...

Me: Wait... you have a man crush? You know I'm straight right?

Bob: Oh yeah... but I mean, if you were ever..

Me: No. I'm straight dude. I know we've been friends forever and a day now, but no... just... no.

Bob: Oh... well... um, I guess that's cool. I mean... yeah... we're friends dude. Nothing weird.

Me: Ok then... *awkward pause*... now back to that gift..

Bob: well, you gave me your leftovers from Subway. And the drink too.

Me: So you were hungry at the time? When was the last time you'd ate before that?

Bob: I don't know. Probably a week or so?

Me: So I was doing charity work?

Bob: I don't know. I mean, you hooked me up man. I don't care why, but you were a lifesaver. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted without that.

Me: So what happened then?

Bob: So I started kinda following you around. And you'd hook me up all the time. Every time you didn't want something, you'd give it to me. It was like you were taking care of me. And I love you for it, dude.

Me: Didn't we just cover the "I'm straight and I'm not interested" thing?

Bob: Yeah, but..

Me: Ok, we're done now. Don't talk to me anymore..

*end interview*

So there you have it. An old friend Bob. He's the magical man that runs next to my car and I hook him up with anything I don't want. This was exactly why I don't talk to him. But he still follows me. Say hi if you're ever in the car with me. And give him a gift.  Maybe he'll get over his "crush" on me and you can be his new BFF.

And remember... it's not littering if you're giving someone a gift.

Random Thought Of The Day #481

Day 481

Today we're going to play a game. It's a simple game. Just think back into the 90's and try to remember what your electronics were like back only 15 years or so ago.

I remember that my home computer had about 5% of the computing power that my telephone has right now. The Pentium chip was the shit, but I was still stuck with a 486 processor with all of 133 Mhz bus speed.

I remember that I had no idea why anyone would need more than about 750 mb of hard drive space.  And a 750 mb desktop hard drive was like $300. I bought an ultra-portable 1 Tb drive a month or so ago just for my iTunes movies/music for $80.

I remember thinking how cool the Motorola StarTac looked. Every other cell phone was a 4 lbs brick. I remember how geeked I was when I first got one of those and had it from 1998 thru 2001 and was totally bummed when I lost it and had to get a "modern" phone.

What the fuck was a text message?

AOL Instant Messenger was the greatest invention ever.

Digital Cameras were the size of a house brick with and took worse pictures than my Fisher-Price one with the flash cube from when I was 7.

I remember that I still had a console TV from the 80's sitting in my living room.

I remember that Sega Genesis was the be-all-end-all of cartridge gaming, Fuck Super Nintendo! & the playstation was some weird novel concept.  Who would think that you could play a game on a cd? Sega CD failed... why would Sony's cd games work?

MiniDisc was the format of the future.

Why would you NOT need a home phone?

So... what do you remember?

I feel really old now. There's going to be people here reading this that think "wait... what the fuck was a mini disc? & how do you play a video game with a cartridge?"

Random Thought Of The Day #480

Day 480

I've been in the middle of re-watching 24 from the beginning over the past 2 weeks or so. I'm in the middle of season 3 right now and I'm realizing a few things:

After 2 seasons, Jack should have gotten a pass to just do whatever the fuck he wants. Instead of a CTU ID, he just pulls out one that says "Bauer ... License to do ANYTHING". I mean, why the fuck does anyone even question him when he's like "yeah, I gotta shoot this guy in the heart & cut his head off"... the correct response by that time is pretty much along the lines of "sure man... whatever you gotta do. you do your thing and just tell me what you need me to do" and let him do whatever crazy thing he wants. It always works out.



Captain America

 I mean, Jack Bauer should have been Captain America. Yeah yeah yeah... chris evans wasn't a bad choice and it was a good movie...  but if you would had a movie where there was already a Captain America running around and nobody knew who he was and all of a sudden he takes off the mask and it's Jack Bauer, the whole audience would have been sitting there going "oh,  yeah... that makes sense".

I'm pretty sure Keifer Sutherland thinks he's actually Jack Bauer at this point. Every movie he's been in since he started doing 24 has just been him playing the same character in different situations. In Mirrors, he was just Jack working as a security guard. It probably was set during the 1st & 2nd seasons of 24 when he was all messed up over that chick shooting his wife. I'm a little surprised he hasn't legally changed his name yet.

But I have to ask... When does he ever stop to take a shit? I mean, he doesn't eat or anything when he's running around like this, so maybe that's why he doesn't gotta hit the head, but still... all that running & shooting & beating people's asses would get the old colon working. When my dog goes for a run outside, it gets his working and 5 minutes later he's over in a random corner of the yard doing his thing. And with all that cardio & torture & shooting, that's gotta work up an appetite... and we know he's on a deadline, but really man? You can't just run by and hit up a MickyD's drive-thru and grab a Big Mac to go? Granted, my fat ass needs fed more often than most, but I'd be fucking HUNGRY.

That was probably a lot more thought than I should have been putting into any of this.



Bauer Utitlity Belt... errr... Murse?



For the record though... Jack Bauer is the only person in the world that I will give a pass to for wearing a Murse. It's like his version of the Batman Utility Belt. He's got all kindsa nifty gadgets in there. Yes, I just said nifty. Fuck you. But he's got guns and bullets and phones and iPads and random computer hardware and knives and pretty much anything else you can think of that a badass needs in his utility belt stuffed into that Murse. So yeah... he gets a pass. He's like Batman. And Captain America. Captain Batman America. But instead of the bat signal, they just shine a spotlight of a gun over LA and he shows up out of nowhere and punches & tortures people and yells "dammit!" a lot.



If I didn't suck at Photoshop, I'd totally turn the Bat into a
gun & Batman into Jack Bauer.



Well, I guess Indiana Jones gets a pass on that one too.

But those are the only 2.

Ok... well... I guess that was definitely way too much thought to put into this.

RTOTD #479.1

Day 479.1

During a little @ElitistFucks gathering last week, we were discussing race & gender... and it dawned on me that I don't get called Honky or Cracker nearly enough.

So... since I spend this little blog thing insulting other people most days, I'm going to open this up for all of you to throw it right back at me.

Make it as nasty, as personal or as ridiculous as you want. Anything you've wanted to say or thought about me... say it. It's all fun. (That's the nice thing about being a thick-skinned person... well... thick-skinned when it comes to insults on top of just being fat too)

But try to come up with something more interesting than "asshole", please. It's kinda... well... obvious. Make it creative.

Random Thought Of The Day #479

Day 479

Hey kids... remember a couple weeks ago when I mentioned that the MPAA & RIAA were going after people hardcore for bootlegging? Yeah... apparently the courts are on their side on this.

Some dude in boston had originally gotten hit with a $675,000 fine for bootlegging that a court knocked down to $67,000. Well, the appeals court said "nah, I think the original $675k was just fine" and reinstated the original fine.

So remember kids... just get shit from friends. Borrow & rip physical media from friends or netflix or the library or something instead of torrenting or whatever. They're really getting kinda bad about this. Tracking IP addresses, having a working arrangement with your ISP to hand over your account info & name without a suppoena or court order and all that fun stuff. So avoid the torrents, children. And beware the big brother of the digital age.

The amusing part of this for me is that a fine on pirating makes headlines again on Talk Like A Pirate Day. Maybe I'm the only one that gets the irony.

So here's a few of my favorite Talk Like A Pirate Day quotes... all from my own brain:

"Fuck, I got fined for downloading bootleg movies" - iPirate

"Damn... *sad face* and I thought we might hit .500 this year & make people think we were an actual professional baseball team" - A Pittsburgh Pirate

"Let's rape & steal everything we can and become a beloved internet meme in 200 years" - fortune telling pirate

"YAY!!! no more Don't Ask Don't Tell!!!" - ... yeah... guess what kinda pirate....

On a side note... I wonder if military uniforms are going to get an overhaul now that DADT has been repealed. I mean... openly gay soldiers will want to find something much more fashionable than the standard uniform.

Yes... that was 2 gay-male stereotype jokes. Or a joke about how straight males have no sense of fashion. Either way, it's ok to laugh at it.

Oh god... I'm gonna get it from my gay friends today...

Can I just make fun of myself and be done with it before I get skewered by... well... everyone? Oh fuck it... come on... throw it back at me. It's all in good fun.

But in the meantime... here's some Deadpool:

Random Thought Of The Day #478

Day 478

I'm so confused by some of the things I've read in the past 24-48 hours.

I read some doucherocket fly off the handle about a dear friend regarding the organization of an age-restricted group. I mean... look... the legitimacy of an age-restricted group is certainly something that can be reasonably questioned. But really... pulling the "crazy dyke rage" card to de-legitimize a group is kinda fucking stupid. Especially with the group-runner in question if you know her. Granted, I've probably heard more ridiculous arguments.... but not many. Straw-man, thy name is some... douchebag whose name I don't even care to remember.

Personally, I'm golden with age-restricted groups. I think we focus a little too much on "inclusion" and not enough on being fucking reasonable and allowing people to do whatever the fuck they want and just ignoring other groups we aren't welcome at. I do it with a lot of groups. Maybe it's because I don't mind being the "unwelcomed" and kinda wear it with a badge when I think the groups in question are fucking crazy. But hey... that's me... I don't mind being the bad guy. Some people just want to feel welcomed wherever they go. And I guess that's cool... but if you're welcomed everywhere & everyone likes you wherever you go, it just means you don't stand for anything.

I don't know where the fuck this "don't judge" bullshit came from. I know I'm not perfect, far from it. But I still have the ability to make a judgement call on persons, places or things once I have a reasonable amount of knowledge on them. And I think anyone with 2 firing neurons should aim to do so as well.

We do it every day, but we pretend to have this "I don't judge" attitude with everyone to seem like we've become more "enlightened". (I'm not going to bother pointing out that being enlightened requires knowledge and processing that knowledge into judgements, but I guess I just did.) Oftentimes that judgement on one aspect of them won't change my opinon of them as a whole, but on the rare occasion it does.

We make judgements on people by experiences. Some positive, some negative, some neutral. And when the neutral and positive outweigh the negative, we generally get along with people. When the converse is true, the converse is also true. Either that, or you don't have any standards for friendship.. and that's kinda sad.

Now... just to be clear... I said it's ok to judge... not to pre-judge. Get some fucking knowledge and then make a call, but for the love of... well... the ScienceJesus... make some judgements on your own. It's perfectly ok to say "yeah, I don't really like that because of X".

Then, I read someone make an announcement for an event that contained the worst grammar I've seen in a public posting during the past millenium. (I was there for the whole thing. I can prove it. With SCIENCE!!)

Hey... cool. New play-space or whatever. Awesome. But really? Can't you at least post something that doesn't make the language centers of my brain want to jump out of my skull, travel thru the internet and punch the person posting it? Proof-reading is your friend. Fuck... copy and paste it into a word document and run "grammar check" once... watch your computer have a seizure from trying to process the massive clusterfuck of words you just threw at it, cross your fingers that you didn't just give it a stroke and hope to eventually sort out a coherent thought from the jibberish.

Hey, I butcher the language as much as the next person, but I do my damnedest to not come off as some pretentious assbag, wordy or like I didn't pass 2nd grade English.

And finally, I read the Netflix e-mail this morning about the seperation of streaming and dvd-by-mail services into 2 different websites. It started with an attempt at an apology for the price hike, but quickly turned into a "well, sorry you didn't understand how we were screwing you, but we're not really screwing you with the price hike, we're just screwing you with the change in how the services are going to be offered and making it infinitely less user-friendly but hey... what other option do you have?". This is one of those times where my bullshit detector went off immediately. And yeah... I finished reading and I fucking judged.

So the theme today children is what?... Yes!! ENGLISH IS USEFUL!

The ability to properly convey complex thoughts in an understandable manner is paramount. Learn it. It's helpful.

Otherwise.... you pretty much sound like this:

Random Thought Of The Day #477

Day 477

Holy shit... I just saw something awesome.

Some California porn company is building an underground self-sustaining bunker to ride out the 2012 apocalypse.

Because what are we going to need after the apocalypse when everyone outside of that bunker is dead? Porn. We need porn for the zombies or robots. Because what zombies or robots are gonna want to see is fleshy-one porn.

Wait a second... this brings up a good question..

Couldn't we distract the robots with gadget porn? Gizmodo... get on that shit! Protect us from the coming SkyNet onslaught by putting together an endless stream of gadget porn!

And to take care of the zombies? I think the anti-abortion people got that shit covered... are dead babies to zombies what veal is to humans?

We can prevent the coming apocalypse with gadget porn and dead baby pictures from the anti-abortion people!

I have found my calling... Saving the world... with PORN.

Unless I find a way to destroy it. Or end up being the Anti-Christ... it's not really that far of a stretch.

But in the meantime... yes, random california porn company... build your underground apocalypse-proof bunker to make post-apocalyptical porn. Because after the coming armageddon, that first thing I'm gonna do is go onto the now-fictional internet to get to your non-hosted imaginary website to check out your girl-on-girl-on-zombie-on-robot porn... instead of other unimportant things like trying to gather food and fresh water in enough quantities that I don't die in 2 weeks.

Though I do love that your posted plans include a "standing work kiosk w/sliding gun rack compartment" and a "rotating center stage hydraulic platform w/emergency pole access to upper levels"... somehow... I don't think that's an emergency pole. I think it might get used for something a little more visually appealing, but hey... that's just me.  

Well at least it means that some hot women will survive the apocalypse. Though somehow... I think platform stripper heels & a neon pink g-string won't exactly be the best hunting gear for surviving much beyond that. But hey, at least they're hot.

Random Thought Of The Day #476

Day 476

I'm too old for this shit.

Weeknight drinking... even only putting down about 4 beers... entirely kicked my ass for this morning.

I've actually drank coffee today. I fucking hate coffee. Because RedBull wasn't doing the trick.

And in my post-weeknight-drinking irritation, you're just getting a list of stuff that would make me not want to punch kittens this morning:

A wake-up blowjob. This would have certainly made waking up today much more palatable.

Watching a FetLife meltdown by someone local. Those always put a smile on my face. They're funny, rambling, full of wonderful insults to other people & generally a spectacle to watch.

Strippers. If I was looking at strippers or otherwise trashily (I think I just made that up) dressed hot women, it would also make my morning better.

A medium-rare steak. Preferably a filet, but I'll settle for a strip as well. With a baked potato & some mixed veggies.

My dog. Hanging out with him today instead of being in my fucking office would have been 1000x more fun.

Explosions. I don't care if it's fireworks, a science experiment gone bad, a volcano, or a car bomb on some crazy persons car. An explosion of any type would be good.

Deadpool. Because Deadpool makes everything better.

Random Thought Of The Day #475

Day 475

Wow... you know what's weird? I'm pretty sure I suggested the need for a group with JUST that purpose & format a year and a half ago. In fact, I was pretty heavily advocating for it. Look at that? I was right again. This is less than shocking. 

So there's my "told ya so" for the day. Weird how that works, ain't it?

I know, right? I'm don't really have anything else to say on the subject than that.

Off to more fun things... namely... well, actually being proven right yet again is kinda really fun. But I will tear myself away from basking in my own awesomeness long enough to talk about something else.

Like monkeys. I like monkeys. I want a fucking monkey. A helper monkey. Like in that episode of the Simpsons where Homer gets the helper monkey for Abe and then takes it for himself instead. I'd totally train the monkey to steal donuts thru the air ducts at the Dunkin Donuts too. And get me beer.

You know... I think I want to make a national Donut Holiday. But not fucking Krispy Kreme. That shit is awful. I can't stand them & their 17-different kinds of the exact same fucking donut with different color frosting on a glazed donut. They're horrible.

Although, I do need to give them props for creating the most unhealthy, totally American concept food of all time... the Donut Burger. Does anyone else remember this monstrosity?

Burned meat between 2 glazed donuts with fries & bacon.

Not quite on the level of the 3-cheese, bacon-wrapped, deep-fried, chili dog at D's... but kinda getting there.

I know I'm missing something that I saw one time that managed to make even these abominations of food Frankenstein-ing look healthy, but I can't remember it right now...

Yes, I just used Frankenstein as a verb. Fuck you.

But I wish more places came up with these insane concept foods. Because what we really need is a way to make my ass fatter. Now if only I could get a Donut Burger from Dunkin Donuts with a Chocolate Creme Filled on the bottom & a Maple Glazed on the top. Maybe then steal a page from Primanti's book and throw the fries right onto the sandwich? But also add some bacon. A lot of bacon. With bacon mixed inside of the meat before it's grilled too.

I think I got fatter just from thinking about that unholy concoction.

And maybe just a little ill. But only a little.

Oh shut up... I'll still throw Doritos on my sandwich sometimes when I wanna act like I'm 8 again.

I'm done talking about food now. I promise. I'm making myself hungry.

Random Thought Of The Day #474

Day 474

@ElitistFucks ASSEMBLE!!

Or disassemble.

Or just do whatever you feel like. I don't care.

But if you're free either Wednesday or Friday of this week (or both), it's TWICE the Elitism... TWICE the Fuckery... 2 munch-like-things this week.

Here's the TL;DR version of todays thought... What the fuck is the @ElitistFucks? Is it a munch group? or is it just a bunch of friends hanging out?

And here's the full version:

See... kinda like I couldn't figure out what to call this thing I write here, I can't figure out what quite what the @ElitistFucks get-together things are either.

Defining what this thing is was kinda weird because I hate the world Blog. It's this stupid word that's become part of the vernacular and comes across kinda pretentious yet kinda like the half-assed version of actual writing at the same time. It's not a column because, to me, it implies the print medium... or getting paid. Neither of which is accurate for this thing. And it sure as fuck isn't a journal, because that implies privacy and there's nothing about this that's private. Mostly because there's not much about me that's private. And a diary is something that a 6 year old girl has... so it's not that either.

But the @ElitistFucks thing is kinda weird in it's own right.

It's organic. Completely organic. No leadership, just my dumb ass that made the Twitter feed for it. But I don't remember the last time I actually said "hey, let's do a thing this week!". Most of the time, it's just one of the others that say "we need to do a thing this week" and I say "cool" about 12 seconds before I make the twitter announcement about it. And we just invite people we like.

And it's not really a munch... we eat, but mostly we pick places that have good beer selections & good drinks. There's no set location. Just wherever pops into my head when I make the post.

There's no set "x'th tuesday of the month" thing like the other groups. Just kinda when we feel like it.

But the other distinguising characteristic is that it's invitation only. We make no effort to be "inclusive of everyone" or anything like that. It's a group of close friends. An ever-expanding group too. In the span of like 4 months, it's gone from 3 or 4 of us that were bored and wanted to grab drinks to about 20. Without any attempt at recruiting newbies.

It's not so much just doing it because way the other groups work sucks or something. No, they work just fine. This is just something different. Bringing a little bit of chaos back into being in a portion of the counter-culture. The kink word is part of the counter-culture. So why do we feel compelled to run it the same way as groups within the dominant culture? Why run it with the same kind of social structures? The same kind of format? Why not do something a little different?

I'd like to think that this is something different. And if every other group worked the same way that this one does, I think I'd probably want to be part of something different than that too. Maybe that's what this whole thing is about... just doing something a little different than what everyone else is. Or maybe that's just trying to think a lot deeper about this thing than it is. Cause to be perfectly honest? All it is, is a bunch of people going to grab some food & drink and bullshit for a couple hours.

*shrug* I don't know... it's not a munch, but it's a munch. What the fuck is it?

Here's some Deadpool (being better than everyone ever) for reading to the bottom:

RTOTD #473.1

Day 473.1

So... I'm still kinda scratching my head over this one.

Last night, I got a friend request on facebook, right? But it was from the dead ex.

Apparently ghosts can now have cell phones and send txts (the "Are you coming down? I live here too" txt from the basement ghost while we were discussing going downstairs to play beer pong being the primary example there) as well as have Facebook accounts now. Facebook DOES want everyone to have an account so they can show them advertising...

Fucking weird.

Do I accept it?

Wasn't there a movie about that shit a little while back? Kinda like a rip-off of the Ring, but with cell phone calls or txt messages or something? And the girl didn't pop out of your phone, but still like ate your soul or something?

What was that shit called?

But since apparently even ghosts are getting into the 21st century of digital communications... and Hollywood is always re-making movies, how long until we end up with another creepy little kid in the remake of The Sixth Sense talking about how "I get texts from dead people"?

Not quite as cool, I guess.

Random Thought Of The Day #473 - Movie Spoiler Edition

Day 473

You know what the country REALLY needed after spending last year thinking about the Swine Flu, this year worried about the economy, gas prices, terrorism (with regards to the 10th anniversary of 9/11) and all that other stuff?

A ficticious movie about a pandemic & the ensuing chaos that was told from an overwhelmingly realistic POV right before THIS years Flu season starts.

Where's Dustin Hoffman and that little monkey when you need him for a disease-outbreak movie. Or just another Resident Evil? Cause monkeys or zombies make for cooler movies than realistic movies.

And why didn't Matt Damon drive a car really fast while shooting guns in this movie?

*SPOILER ALERT*

Seriously... if you don't wanna know anything else... wait for the end of the italics and then start reading again...

Gwenyth Paltrow played the monkey role in this movie... the monkey was a lot cuter.

*END SPOILER ALERT*

Man... why can't every movie about disease end up being a zombie movie in disguise?

Speaking of something entirely unrelated to this movie..

I finally watched a childhood friend of mine's SyFy web series the other day. It was really fucking good... If you have SyFy OnDemand, check out the Mercury Men. It's kinda awesome. All black & white old-school sci-fi goodness. Or check it out on their website.

Plus, it's kinda really cool to know an old friend that made a tv show. Even if it was done as a dozen or so 5-8 minute shorts that all ran together into a big long show. But amazing production value. Probably better than 95% of the original SyFy channel television content. The cheesy stuff was intentionally cheesy 50's-like sci-fi fare that was kinda done as an homage to old 50's sci-fi. But with modern cinematography.

And hell... it was set in Pittsburgh in 1975 too. Think Buck Rogers done in the Sin City style. Stark whites, pitch blacks and vivid greys. It was awesome. Rayguns, very Rocketeer-like costuming and all that fun stuff.

No, seriously... stop reading this and go check it out.

Random Thought Of The Day #472

Day 472



Apparently these are different people. They look
the same to me. White people *frown*

 It just took me an hour and a half to realize my t-shirt was on backwards. I now feel like an utter & complete retard. At least the only person to see me for more than a half a second this morning was the Kwik-E-Mart guy (not the one that ran for County Executive... I think... maybe it was his cousin... I don't know. All you white people look the same to me)

But on an entirely different note for all of you children of the 80's and early 90's... Nike just released the shoes from Back To The Future 2! Holy fuck... the Nike Air Mag is actually real. Sadly, they don't auto-lace. What the fuck is the point of that. But like all futuristic things envisioned during the 80's, they have lights fucking everywhere. Because who doesn't need fucking LED lights all over their god damn shoes.

The future is finally coming, children. Now just wait until I have my fucking jetpack & ray gun, bitches! It's gonna be a spectacle!

And on yet another entirely unrelated note... I love watching FetLife meltdowns. They're fucking great.

Hey buddy... I don't even know what your name is, but thank you for that yesterday. It was at least 20 minutes worth of amusement for me. Watching you flip out because... hey... maybe your e-mail to a random stranger gets lost in the 5000 other e-mails they get every day from total strangers... that was funny. Watching you get bent out of shape because @TwistedView made a fake profile a decade ago to test an experiment that we all kinda knew the answer to... that was worth the price of admission.

Wait, it was free? Who the fuck did I pay then?

Regardless... watching people flip out over stupid shit is great. Thank you for amusing me for 20 minutes. And your gigantic, verbose, rambling comments were... oh, yeah... I got bored half way thru the first paragraph. I only skimmed after that to see if the flames actually came thru the screen or not.

Sadly, they did not.

Here's the deal: If I don't know you, I don't care. Unless you're a hot girl, I really could not care less. And even then, there's a better than 50/50 chance I'm not gonna reply to your message. Hell, I probably won't even read it. I get more than I know what to do with even from people I DO know and they're lucky when they get a reply.

So random-strange-person-I-don't-know? You better have some tits, be about 5'4" and weigh about 120 if you want even a chance for a reply.

This is a social networking site, you dolt. It's not a dating website. It starts with people you actually KNOW. And then, maybe... just maybe... you can expand your friend circle based on mutual acquaintances. But see the problem here? That requires you to actually KNOW at least 1 person to start with. And how do you get to know someone? You have to go places they also go. Know how many people I knew in the scene before I got involved years ago? None. You know why? BECAUSE I WASN'T AT THINGS. I didn't go to things so I didn't meet the people that went to things. This is pretty fucking simple. In fact, it's really fucking simple.

So I get greatly amused watching people cry about how they can't afford to go to things and how they shouldn't be discluded because they can't go to things. If you can't afford the gas to hit up 1 munch every 3 months or so or hit 1 bar night or something, maybe you got bigger problems than not being welcomed by strangers online to become their new BFF without ever meeting them in real-time. Just saying.

And for the record, you're doing a really bad job at trying to take my spot as the insulting & rude asshole that has no brain-mouth filter and talks shit all the time. I know... the community is sorely lacking for that right now ever since I gave up caring about anything other than the @ElitistFucks. And someone needs to take that spot, but you know what? Like all other major roles in the community, the outgoing person gets to pick their successor. And then do it quiet and all secret-like, because being secret is cool and neccessary and all that, top secret shit, yo... But sorry, boss... you don't have what it takes. But thanks for your application and interviewing. I'll keep it on file and let you know if anything comes up.

Thanks for coming out.

PS. This is how you proplerly end an insulting post. With Deadpool.

Random Thought Of The Day #471 (The Top Secret Edition)

Day 471


This is the invisible Random Thought. You can't see it. It's written in invisible ink on the intarwubz.


You can't read this


I'm actually masturbating while writing this and thinking about goats


Wait ... what? Not goats... um... your girlfriend... that's right... your hot girlfriend.. if she's hot and skinny... I never think about goats... OH HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!


You can't read this you can't read this you can't read this you can't read this


Oh, I guess you could just highlight the whole thing and read it...


I probably shouldn't have said that thing about the masturbating


Look at deadpool instead!!!