Random Thought Of The Day #634

Day 634

With a handful of exceptions, I've tended to attrach the crazy a lot in my life. I'm like a crazy bitch magnet, I guess. And hey, sometimes that's been fun. Sometimes it's been a nightmare (did I ever tell you about the girl that tried to move in on the 2nd date?) that I just want to end without stirring the crazy pot anymore. And sometimes, well... sometimes it leads to a truly amazing story of crazy.

I don't know exactly what prompted my memory of this. It popped back into my head, after not thinking of it for a few years, on my way home from work yesterday. I think it was because I passed this girl that looked strikingly like my old friend Michelle. I haven't seen her in years. She moved to colorado like 9 or so years back? Something like that. But this girl looked a lot like her. Hell, maybe it was her. It is a pretty damn small world after all. But as I was driving home and passed this girl that looked a lot like her, the memory of this story popped back up in my head. And I felt compelled to share.

So, Michelle and I were a year apart in different schools. And this was a little over a year after I had graduated. Summer time, if I remember correctly. Late spring, or there abouts.  Well, if we're being completely accurate, I met her one time a few years before then when she walked into the record store I was working in and we talked a bit and I never saw her again until this point. So when I walked into the Eat N Park that I spent far, far, FAR too many hours at, drinking coffee, smoking, eating a plate of bacon (bacon is wonderful and it's perfectly reasonable to order only bacon. Shut up) and just hanging out... so when I walked in to meet some friends, sat down and she was my waitress, I was a little taken aback.

When I had first walked in, my friends told me "we have a new waitress. so she won't know what you want. So you might actually have to speak to order"... so the irony when she walked over and immediately said "Hi Joe", to which I replied, with a hint of shock in my voice, "Hi Michelle".... well, the irony and the even more shocked looks on the faces of my friends that I already knew the brand new waitress somehow was... amusing.

But since she was working there, and I spent far too much time at that fucking place, we started actually becoming friends. And soon enough, started hanging out outside of that place.

Well, one day, she comes up to me and asks me "Do you remember Lindsay F****w?". (no, I'm not giving full names here.)

That was a name I hadn't heard in a while. I looked at her and said "yeah, I remember her. I played hockey with her brother. Met her during a travel tournament a couple years back. We hit it off pretty well actually."

She nodded and her next question kinda surprised me. "Did you ever date?"

"No. I met her that weekend and never really saw her again after that. Well, that one time ex. She didn't come to any more games that year, her brother and I didn't really get along so I wasn't about to ask him to hook me up with his sister, he was a year ahead of me and was done with this league after this season to head off to college and I don't know if I ever really saw her again after that."

"Really? Interesting.", she replies.

I tried asking some follow-up questions but she was giving nothing up. The best I could get was "I'll tell you some other time" and I accepted it for the time being.

Well, a few weeks later, we're hanging out at my place and drinking... I think we were drinking wine, but fucked if I remember... and watching Space Balls (she had never seen it. I felt that this was an afront to the comedy gods and must be rectified) when she, in a drunken haze, looks at me and says "You remember when we met?"

I have no idea what she's talking about and just say "Do you mean the night I came in and you were my waitress and knew me or the time at the music store?"

"The music store" she replied.

"Yeah. We talked." I said.

"And remember me asking you about Lindsay?"

"yeah. Wait... was she the one standing outside the store when you and I were talking music? Waiting impatiently?" I asked.

"Yeah" she says, before saying "And remember when I asked if you 2 dated?"

I nodded. And she launched into this story.

Apparently I had been in a long term, serious relationship with Lindsay. And I never even knew it.

Because that's what she told all of her friends. That we were dating. And that we had been dating for a while. Fuck, this little flight of fantasy even included some friend of mine dying in a car accident where I was driving!

Wait... WHAT?

Oh, and also my Jeep that I had for years... It had apparently been white before. But after the fictional car wreck that resulted in the death of an imaginary person, I had it repainted green. For the record, I fucking HATE white cars. I would rather stab myself in the eye socket with a red hot poker than own a white car.

But yes.. So apparently I was the object of desire for someone so severely that she fabricated a multi-year relationship with me, including the death of some person. And the sad part is that this girl was smoking hot, and I kinda dug her. Had she shown me even a little more of a hint that she was into me, I'd have been all about it. But apparently I managed to dodge a crazy bullet there and not even know it. Cause there's no other explanation for the complete fabrication of a relationship than crazy.

Either that, or it should be a clue that the imaginary version of me is actually a better boyfriend than the real version of me.

 

The only other question I had to ask Michelle after eventually processing all this?

 

"So, was I at least good in bed?"

RTOTD #633.2

Day 633.2

More gratuitous dog cuteness.

RTOTD #633.1

Day 633.1

And this post is nothing but gratuitous cuteness with pictures of Bailey. Enjoy.

Random Thought Of The Day #633

Day 633

Hey guys... look what kinda clusterfuck is going on... and watch me NOT get involved. Cause it's just not worth my effort.

Instead, I'm going to talk about absolutely inane bullshit.

Like how much fun it is to sit at home and stick my fingers in my ears, smash my eyes shut as hard as I can, and scream "I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA LA I CAN'T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA LA" until we  decide to go to sleep. Or drink. Heavily.

So in the meantime, we're going to have an @ElitistFucks munch this week. Because some sort of sanity is necessary.

We won't even do a background check, or a credit check, or let anyone check your ID other than the bartender (or if you want to play the ID game cause you can't remember that cute girl's name and know you should know it by now). Because... fuck. I think we can all use a drink or 17.

What? That's a reasonable number of drinks! No I'm not an alcoholic. Well, probably not. I didn't drink yesterday and didn't shake. So I'm totally not an alcoholic. Right? That's what that means, right?

Should we do Thursday? Or is this week appropriate for a Friday night munch?

My dog doesn't like wild turkeys in his yard. I found that out recently. I know this has absolutely nothing to do with anything else I've said to this point. But I really don't care.

Here's some Deadpool. I've noticed a correlation between the less Deadpool that I post and the more insanity I see everywhere. Like they're all trying to make up for the lack of Deadpool crazy and think that just any old crazy will do. It won't. It has to be a certain type of crazy. And most of those that I think are trying to fill the crazy-void of my lack of spreading the Deadpool don't understand that. They are all insufficiently of the proper type of crazy, though they apparently also believe that quantity of crazy is more important than quality of crazy. They obviously win in the quantity department, but not so much in the quality.

Here's that Deadpool. Enjoy.

Oddly appropriate

Random Thought Of The Day #632

Day 632


Some dudes in Miami were doing some drug cocktail of cocaine and some new super strain of LSD.

It apparently made their organs start to burn up from the inside and their metabolism speed up to ungodly levels. So they got like... super hot, in addition to... you know... being in fucking Miami where it's only moderatly cooler than the surface of the sun. So they got naked.

Then one of them decided to eat the other's face. While he was still alive. Wait... fucking what?

And a cop had to shoot him like 4 or 5 times to get him to STOP eating the other dude's face.

Dude... zombie apocalypse. It's starting. And it's caused by some drug cocktail. Fuck a virus. Drugs. Bad drugs. Bad drugs mixed together in Miami and passed out at a club. I'm not shocked by this. Ravers would make sense to be the best place for the zombie plague to start. Cause... you know... why the fuck not?

This is why I only drink anymore. Because when I drink, I don't have to worry that by drinking a Guinness and then having a shot of Jaeger, I'm going to then get the urge EAT SOMEONE'S MOTHERFUCKING FACE!. The worst side-effect of them mixing is a quick boot & load. I think I can live with that.

The only place more fitting for a zombie apocalypse to start than ravers? Vegans. They go so crazy from lack of meat that they go full-on cannibal and then end up in a psychotic frenzy. Wait... oh, nevermind... that joke tells itself.

Random Thought Of The Day #631

Day 631

Shibaricon is my last event.

I don't know why I didn't come to this decision a little over 2 years ago when these things got ruined for me. I guess it was some naive hope that these things would be different & that each attempt at having a better time at them would provide an opportunity to enjoy myself at them again. Some sort of redemption for the previously un-fun experiences at them. I'm not sure exactly how to quantify it. Or explain it.

It's been over 30 months & 6 or 7 event registrations since I last had any real passion for playing. Since I've even played. There have certainly been times that I've wanted to play and people that I've wanted to play with, but it's been a series of disappointments in that interim. And that's gone on to further kill any sort of passion that I once had for this world.

I've thrown a half dozen or more parties in the past 10 months or so. There have been hundreds of people playing at my home, in the atmosphere that I've worked to create. And only one of those times has that been me. For any number of reasons. And even that one experience was less than stimulating. Because there was not connection during the scene at all.

I can't get into anything anymore. I can't get excited for anything anymore. I can't really care about anything anymore. The only thing that seems to outweigh my lack of passion is my overall apathy towards this whole world. It borders on antipathy. I don't remember the last time I saw a class or a demo or anything that really grabbed me. That I read about and said "I want to go to that".

I don't think that I'm really equipped for these situations anymore. At some point I was. I can't pinpoint where that changed or whatever, but it certainly did change.

I have never been good with new people. I don't know if I can really explain what it is. Kind of a combination of 2 things, I guess. One that's a truth. One that's a lie.

The truth is simple. I need new people to give me a reason to care enough to want to know them. I need them to show me something new. To entertain me, to some extent. To prove that even knowing them isn't a waste of my time. And maybe in that way, I am the sociopath that some people see me as, and that I'm terrified that I might actually be.

The lie is a little more complicated. I say that I don't care to remember them and I play the aloof & arrogant & superiority card when new people are around. But honestly, I think it's more shyness. Not entirely though.

It's strange. I somehow can alternate between life of the party & wallflower in short periods of time. Sometimes at the same event. It depends on the percentage of the party that I know on some occasions, and on others?? It's just an issue of caring.

And I hate it.

I know that I need a kick-ass event to really change my interest level in being at these things. I look forward to them without setting lofty expectations when I sign up for them. I know that I'll have friends at them. And then, days before the actual event, I begin to dread it. I check in & I dread being there. I'm miserable. I'm emotionally drained before the event even begins. I hate being there. I just want to be home. I end up pulling everyone else around me down to my level of boredom and unease. I can manage to suck the fun out of being at them for other people.

And as I said, I know I need a kick-ass event to change this. But I can't seem
to find that THING that'll change it for me. That'll change my mental associations from "event = boredom & apathy & disappointment" into "event = fun & a mental high" again. I know it's nobody else's job but mine to find that.... But my level of caring has reached such a low point with them that I can't initiate that for myself. I can't find that desire to even make something happen for myself.

And so I'm done with them.

I think I'm done throwing parties as well. I've played at exactly 2 parties or events combined since late 2009. One of which was the most awkward scene I think I've ever had & the other was one with the least connection & desire to play with that person I've ever suffered thru.

I just don't enjoy myself anymore. Somewhere along the line, it stopped being fun. It stopped being enjoyable for me. And I've tried and tried to get that back, hoping that something would come along at first to change that, and then moving along to trying to change it and failing, before finally hoping that the variables will finally fall into place with enough opportunities that something falls into my lap. And none of them have happened.

I know I'm far from the most "approachable" person. That doesn't help. I know I'm not "known" enough that people seek me out. I don't have a finely honed skill set that draws notoriety. I'm just that guy that some people know that writes random bullshit on a blog to entertain the handful of people that decide to read this shit.

So I'm done.

I guess it was just a long-time coming. From the time that I decided I was done with the "community" bullshit and gave it the finger on the way out the door until now, it seems like just a slow downward spiral towards being done with being involved in this world at all. I'm still going to write. I'm still going to spend time with my friends. But I'm done going to events. Done going to parties. Maybe done throwing parties.

Because I just don't care anymore.

Random Thought Of The Day #630

Day 630

I'm buying a stripper pole for my house this weekend.

However, I've never bought a stripper pole. Does anyone have any suggestions? I'm assuming the $75 ones you can buy at the sex toy store are probably kinda junky and will break or not support much weight or generally not mount well. So, does anyone have any suggestions on brand or wanna throw me a link to the one that they have or have heard lots of good things about?

Also... where do you think will be a good place for this? I'm torn between the living room, one of the spare rooms, and my bedroom. It's mostly down to my bedroom and the living room, but those of you that have been there before... what do you think? Where would be a good place for it?

And finally... who is going to be the first one to come and use it?

Bonus - Here's some strippers for your effort and contributions:

Random Thought Of The Day #629

Day 629

Know what my favorite term is?

Cumdumpster

I don't exactly know why, but it's been my favorite descriptor for a long long time.

What is yours? It can be for anything. It could be a favorite insult, a term of endearment, or even the kind of flavor you really like to your steak, potato, veggies, wine, and cigar dinner.

Or just start throwing out your favorite ridiculous term.

Whatever.

Random Thought Of The Day #628

Day 628

Here's a game... Get in your Wayback Machine and try to remember what made it finally click "hey, I think I'm kinky!".

Like, was it the first kink-related picture that you saw that you realized "oh shit, that's hot! I want to do that!" and opened your eyes to alt-sex options beyond simple fuck & suck & lick? Or was it with a partner? Or was it a movie or a book or something?

I actually recently found a copy of one of the first pictures that I saw that opened my eyes. It might not have been the first, but I think I'm still gonna post it.

As for what opened my eyes... Hmmm... I think it was a girl I was dating in Highschool. The one that disappeared. The first time she suggested the chocolate syrup licking thing.

Though in retrospect, remembering that my pick-up line when I was 14 was "can I keep you in my closet?" probably should have been an indication. But hey, hindsight being 20/20 and all that.

Here's that picture:

RTOTD #627.1

Day 627.1

Oh... and here's another reason that I hate the spring. It's weird how so many of these have to do with women. It probably also explains a few things when it comes to the women that have been in my life. But I've spent enough hours analyzing that in my own head that I don't need to do that here as well. Mostly why I suck at communicating anymore and why I never feel entirely comfortable.

And apparently I'm really feeling compelled to actually open up today. Trust me... this is a rarity. And it probably won't happen anytime again soon and even if I am open with anyone, ti won't be in a public forum like this.

The year prior to the previous post, I had been seeing someone. It was the first time that something ever really felt... serious. Real. It was different. You all remember the difference between whatever the hell it was that we called "dating" in highschool (or was it "going out with" for you? I barely remember. Considering that you didn't really go anywhere... but I digress...) and what that first actual relationship was like. The one that you said 'woah, that's what this is supposed to be like? this is totally different.". Yeah... that was this one for me.

Long story short, we had been together for just shy of a year at this point. And it was (and is still in my top 2) longest relationship at this point that weren't strictly platonic friendships or friendships with weird attraction overtones that were never acted upon. We were both doing our thing and things were going well.

She was trying to figure out what she was doing since she had decided against college. And had decided on the coast guard. She hadn't decided this until about christmas. She told me over Christmas break that she had made this call and would be leaving in January or so for Basic.  Well, we wrote to each other (snail-mail back then. I dont' know what the rules are now, but there was no communication during Basic outside pen & paper mail unless it was a life & death emergency) regularly and all that. But even with the little bit of distance between NJ and Columbus (which is another reason that I really don't like the city of Columbus), things were good.

Well, as it happened, my finals week and her graduation from basic fell during the same timeframe. So I wasn't going to be able to make it out for that. She was ok with it. She had been planning to come visit me during her week or 2 after Basic and before having to make it back to her posting. She had ended up getting posted as an instructor at the base there. So she had some extra time and didn't really need to do much packing. And we knew that we'd already kinda figure things out without being able to talk on the phone every day or so. So things were good.

As it turns out, plans changed. I thought my finals were a sooner later than they were. She only had 10 days for leave instead of 12 like she thought. And it ended up that during that last week where papers were due before finals week was when she graduated and I couldn't make it. And all during finals week, she wasn't going to be able to visit because she broke her ankle during the last week of training. Our plans got fucked. We weren't going to see each other. She had to leave to make it back for her posting the day of my last final. An hour after my last final ended. No way I was getting back to Pittsburgh in time.

Well, the day before she had to leave, her friends and family were throwing her a party. She was bummed that I wasn't able to be there, but was ok with it too. She was happy about the whole situation until she remembered that I wasn't gonna be there. So I told her, I wouldn't talk to her the day of it so it didnt' remind her that I wasn't there. Hey, I thought I was being sweet. She thought I was being sweet too. or that's what she said. I don't know. Doesn't matter.

But we had planned to talk the next morning before my last final and before she left. This is the days before college kids all had cell phones. Some did, but not the way it is now. So we were still stuck using the land-line in my dorm room & fucking calling cards. Yeah, really... calling cards. Do you even remember them at this point? running around trying to find the place that had the cheapest per-minute rate on the cards they sold. Timing your calls so that you maximized your usage out of the card. Damn...

But so yeah... we had planned to talk the day she was leaving. And after she got there, we'd figure out when would be a good time for me to come see her when she had a day or 2 of not being on-duty or even a few hours she could be off-base or something.

Well, I called. And it just rang. I left her a message. Hey, she's leaving that day. Proably has some errands to run. Neither of us had cell phones then. Probably just missed each other. She'll call back.

A few hours later... still nothing. I called again. Just rang and rang. And I left another message.

It's now right before a 2:00 final. Another hour or 2 after th last call. I try again. Nothing.

Obviously something's not right here. I was a little worried. But I still had a final to take. And after rushing thru it (it couldn't fuck up my shitty grade in that class any more than my drinking for the previous 3 months had already done) and running back to my room to hopefully get a message from her. I find out... nothing. No message. Neither of my roommates had taken one for me. Nor had they even gotten any calls.

I tried a few more times. I tried long after I knew she had to already be on the road to head out to her posting. And nothing.

4 months later, I was at my parents place when the phone rings. And I just answered it like I would have any other time. But on the other end, it's silence. For a second, I thought it was one of those automated calling things. The robo callers that then spit a message back at you or some dude from India that says his name is "Steve" and you can hardly understand him starts talking to you. And I'm just about to hang up when I hear this faint, mousy little voice say "hi" on the other end.

I recognized the voice. But didn't really have a damn clue what to say. What the fuck do you say to the girl you'd dated for a year and then disappears without a word or even a goodbye for 4 months? I was dead silent for about a minute or so. Or maybe it just felt like it and it was really only 10 seconds. I don't know. But I eventually managed to form the word "hey" and force it out of my mouth in reply.

We only spoke for a few minutes. But it was the conversation you'd expect. And it was also the conversation you wouldn't expect. It was odd. I finally managed to ask her what the fuck happened, but the best answer I could ever get was "I didn't think I should call". I never got a reason why. I also made it clear that things were over. She understood and figured the same.

Yet she still managed to, at some point in the conversation, ask me if I'd like to meet her in Philly for a Foo Fighters concert that summer.

Needless to say, I said no.

And that was the vaguely definitive end to that chapter of my dating life.

But this is just another thing that happened in the spring that make me dread this time of year. I guarantee that a shrink could have hours of entertainment going thru my head on how and if (oh, I guarantee that it does) there's a correlation between this as well as another dozen or so girls I've dated and the fucking mess that I am when it comes to relationships. And how I associate certain times of year with certain things that really don't mix well with pretty much anything else.

Random Thought Of The Day #627

Day 627

I'm going to be oddly personal here today. I generally don't like to use this as a forum to give all that much away on a low-key, insightful manner. I much prefer to make this a soapbox or a bully pulpit or just be a sensationalist asshat.

But today, I'm feeling the urge to just use this space to ramble on a personal level.

The spring is never a good time of year for me. I don't exactly know why. It used to be one of my favorite times of the year. Granted, Halloween & the dead of winter have always been my favorite, but I used to like the spring. Until about 10 years ago.

I can't point at anything in particular that changed that for me. But I think it was a slow evolution that is still making me hate the spring even more.

Maybe it's growing up and having the additional responsibilities that come with the spring. Spring cleaning at home to clear out all the accumulated crap from the winter. Yard work that becomes far too cumbersome & daunting every day that passes and it doesn't get done fast enough. The return of insects, and we all know that I fucking hate bugs.

But it seems like its also the time that things just kinda fall apart. Hockey ends. Football has been over for a while. Tv shows end. And well... No more summer vacation. Getting stuck inside an office while looking at the sunlight you're missing, though it's ironic to notice that on a day when it's grey and humid and rainy.

Actually, I might be able to point to a time when I started to realize that the spring is when things always start to go wrong.

I lost my best friend about 10 years back. No, she didn't die or anything tragic like that, but our friendship imploded. It was... Extremely close. Somewhere between siblings and significant others without ever dating. We would both blow off significant others (her, more-so than I) to spend time with each other. Hell, half her boyfriends though she was cheating on them with me. It wasn't John Hughes teen movie level funny/sad or anything. More... Bad romantic comedy type deal. But without any sort of happy ending.

I think I was about 20. She was 18 or 19. A year behind me. And oddly enough, after leaving (read: partying way too fucking hard) after my freshman year at OSU and taking some summer classes & a little time to figure out where I wanted to REALLY be, I was transferring and she was attending the same school.

Serendipitous, right? Yeah.... Sure.

I was a much bigger romantic back at that age. Less jaded & cynical and all that. Yeah, I know... There was a time that I wasn't the lovingly egotistical & assholish ScienceJesus that you know and... Well... Know... Today. Shocking, right? And maybe this particular thing with someone that close added to the beginnings of the cynicism that I still carry with me today.

I also hadn't entirely realized my kinky side at this point yet. Formative years and all that, I guess.

But so, we had both had attraction to one another but we were kids. We were dumb. We were rarely single at the same times, but we always were inches away from jumping into something serious. And now, with things as they were, both of us single, both of us closer than ever, both of us showing the signs of interest without voicing it... Well, things seemed... Right.

I told you I was a romantic at that age, right?

Well, I decided that it was time to finally talk about the elephant that had been in the room for the previous 3 years or so.

That was a mistake.

I don't know if I ever entirely got over how this ended up. Us sitting in the same booth at the same diner we always spent hours at, talking to each other, figuring out our lives and all that other pointless shit that 19/20 year olds think are important and are otherwise utterly pointless in the grand scheme of life. sitting there, I opened my mouth.

I don't remember exactly what I said, and 11 or so years later, it's not really all that important. But her reply was.

Silence. Staring at me with the most blank stare I've ever seen, a short glance down to the table and a look at me again that said a lot and nothing at the same time... And then something that I could have never expected.

She simply stood up, took her purse, looked at me for another 2 or 3 seconds... And she walked out the door.

We never spoke again. I never got a call, a text, a letter, an e-mail... Nothing. My best friend just walked out without a word and never spoke to me again.

I only saw her once in the following years at school. And that was across about 20 people in the student union out of the corner of my eye. And once a few years after that as I was leaving a pharmacy where we both grew up when visiting my mother for mothers day and picking up a card on the way.

But while I eventually got over her... I think that it still stuck with me. The experience, that is. I never got over that.

That's not the only thing that colored my opinion of the spring. A lot of bad shit has happened in the spring. I just end up down as a result. Between my birthday and the spring, they're the 2 times of year you can almost guarantee that I'll be in a really fucked up headspace.

Nothing funny really here today. Just something I felt compelled to talk about publicly for the first time.

Random Thought Of The Day #626

Day 626

Oh look, the media decided to make a big deal about consenting adults doing things that consenting adults do. In a private location. That monitors age to verify that all patrons are of-age.

Oh what? We're close to sweeps? Oh... Yeah. Nevermind.

Cause it wasn't about being sensational with the thing in Detroit. And it wasn't about being sensational with Woodstocks. Or all of the other 70000 times it's happened before or will happen again. Nope. Not sensationalism at all.

I have a great story for them. Here's the headline:

"Discovered - Adults Having Sex With Other Adults Right Next Door To YOU!"

"Our undercover cameras found out that your neighbors are actually having sex with each other right in your neighborhood! Details at 11."

Cause remember the 2 axioms of television media & advertising, kids... If it bleeds, it leads. And sex sells.

And a dungeon story has both!

RTOTD #625.1

Day 625.1

There's some day that even I recognize that I'm totally mailing it in. Today? Definitely one of those days.

Random Thought Of The Day #625

Day 625

Adele - created an entire genre of music devoted to staring longingly out the window while it rains. What should we call it?

I mean... Other than whiny bullshit.

Oh... And here's some porn. Enjoy.

Random Thought Of The Day #624

Day 624

I think I want to actually get serious... well, as serious as I get about anything, at least... but I think I want to get serious about writing a book. With pages. And maybe some words. And probably some pictures. Hmmm... actually, there probably won't be pictures. I'm thinking just something small. A novella or something. 150 pages or so. Actually, that might be a novelette. And not quite a novella.

Where's the cut-off line for that? Who the fuck ever came up with it?

But I'm thinking maybe saying fuck-it to writing a comic. I've got a couple ideas that I kinda thought might be cool for non-spandex-y comics that could translate over pretty well into a book. But I'm thinking it's gonna be something really strange.

Maybe as an e-book with a shitload of meta-content. Especially music. Maybe some background noise written into the book as well during scenes that have.. you know... background noise. Cause background noise when it's really fucking quiet would be, uh... wrong. And cause any book I write would totally need a soundtrack.  Cause it would be epic like that. But then I'd have to get rights to music and stuff. And that's no fun. Fuck it, I'll just put in bootleg music and wait to get yelled at by lawyers.

Maybe I'll dust off some of the old half-written books that I have sitting around and throw a bunch of new material in with bits and pieces of those and see what I come up with. I don't know.

I have no idea what it'll be about. Probably something to do do with spider with wings taking over the world, and it's up to the albino circus midget named Jim and his friend, the pre-op transgendered cyborg that is only known under the stage name Ranch Dressing, to ignore the spiders and get drunk under a bridge with hobos.

That sounds like a good book. Throw absolutely strange people into a strange fucking place and then see them do perfectly normal things like becoming winos. What? Being a wino under a bridge isn't normal? FUCK YOU, IT IS!! And you're soberist if you say otherwise!

Random Thought Of The Day #623

Day 623

So we all remember the SOPA and PIPA thing from a few months back, right? Well... we all got loud and yelled a lot and called representatives and all that fun stuff, and then it died.

Well... now we have CISPA. And something that Leiberman is sponsoring as well.

See why I hate politicians? We scream about how much we don't want something and they say "oh, ok... we won't give you that" and then in the fine-print of their reply, it says "so we'll give you something different that is exactly the same but won't be that thing but in all reality, will end up being identical to that thing but just won't be that one thing that you said you didn't want.".  Because they're all fucking lawyers and even their spoken words have fine print. They actually all have those fast-talker people from the bank commercials that follow them around and have been specially trained to do the fast talking thing while whispering.

Assholes.

They hired the whipser people from the LOST island and then bred them wit hthe fast-talker people from bank commercials and you have fast-talking whispering people.

Or maybe it was the Micro Machines guy. That guy was awesome. Or am I the only one that remembers him?

I don't know which is creepier.

But I'm voting for the fucking douchebags that keep just trying to pretty much kill the god damn internet with their copyright crap, sucking on the bits of the MPAA and the RIAA (you do know the guy that presently runs the MPAA is the same guy that gave us the Countrywide Mortgage fiasco and is pretty much one of the chief architects of the banking system rules of the past 15 or 20 years, right? Yeah... Chris Dodd... the former Senator) because they're all in bed together. Like a rock star/movie star/politican orgy. Except that the politician actually gets some ass that's not a chubby girl in a stupid hat. Actually... it's more like the rock star, the movie star, and the politician are teaming up to get the Internet airtight. Like an gangbanging the internet.

But yeah... so start screaming about CISPA now. Cause that's the next one. And it's even more awesome than the others. Cause not only does it pretty much allow everything to be taken down whenever someone feels like it and lets everyone sue everyone, but also makes it easier for Uncle Sam to watch/listen to everything you're doing on your intarwubz box machine.

Because these assholes don't have anything better to do than find a way to fuck with us normal people that want to watch some stupid cat videos, idiots dancing like idiots to bad pop songs, and post some Deadpool on a blog that he's not getting paid for...

Seriously... someone wanna pay me? I'll even start pandering. It'll be great. I'm not that different than a trained monkey already. But I can be YOUR trained monkey for only 3 installments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling.

What can I say? I'm a cheap whore.

RTOTD #622.1

Day 622.1

Today seems like a good day
 to burn a bridge or two
The one with old wood creaking
that would burn away right on cue
I try to be not like that
but some people really suck
Some people need to get the axing
chalk it up to bad luck
I know a drugstore cowgirl
so afraid of getting bored
She's always running from something
so many things ignored
I try to be not like this
but I thought it'd make a good song
There's nothing to see shows over
people just move along

Random Thought Of The Day #622

Day 622

Go see the Avengers.

Like... now.

Yeah, I know you're at work. I don't care. It's that good. Take a half-day, fake getting sick, and head directly to your closest movie theater and go watch this movie.

It's really that good.

Why are yous still reading this? You should be already out the door. I should be able to say anything here right now and nobody should be reading it cause you should all have left the house mid-post-reading and went to the movies. I should be able to talk about that goat that I was fondleing the other day and that I've found that "Bahhhhh" means yes, but "bahhhhhhhhhh" means no. Minor distinctions in goat and sheep dialect. The nuances of language. And I should be able to talk about that and nobody should be reading it.

Oh... wait... I guess that people could have already seen it or are reading this while sitting in the theaters waiting for the movie to start or are finishing reading this post after they've gotten home from the movies. So maybe that wasn't the brightest thing to talk about.

Oops.

Random Thought Of The Day #621

Day 621

Pittsburgh has long joked that it has 2 seasons. Winter.... and construction. I mean... is 79 STILL under construction? Cause it was for like a decade.

So it should come as no surprise to most of you that there's an absolute boatload of construction related paraphernalia all over this region. Road cones? Check. Signs? Check. Construction horses? Check. Those little construction things with the flashing lights on top of them? Oh yeah. All of it and more. Everywhere. In fact, you can't even really seem to go anywhere in all of western PA without finding piles of this stuff set off to the side next to the road or even set up ON the road.

And the thing is... It's just sitting there. Want some orange cones? Grab one. A stop sign on a pole? If your car is long enough, toss it in.

Well... see... a number of years back, things like that, as well as parking meters, seemed to just fall into my lap. I'm driving along and  "oh look, a parking cone"... or walking thru the Strip District and stopping to talk to friends while leaning on a parking meter, and it just falls over. Things like that.

But it wasn't just me. A few of my friends seemed to have similar things happen to them. And all of a sudden, between 4 or 5 of us, we had about 2 dozen road cones, 4 or 5 of those things with the flashing lights, a fuck ton of detour and road closed and other signs. And even 2 large construction horses. The ones that are like 8 feet long and 3 or 4 feet high.

Well, we were looking at our stash one day and something dawned on us. We were slowly becoming our own road crew. We had enough shit to actually set up a construction zone. We could close a road.

So we did.

Now... initially, we were going to be a little over-reaching in our endeavour here. And let discretion be the better part of valor in this instance. And opted against closing Route 22 for a 1/4 mile stretch between 2 red lights.

Mostly because we didn't think we'd be able to have the construction zone up long enough for it to really turn into chaos. But at approximately 5:30 am, we decided to close down a fairly well-trafficked road out near Penn Township. Mostly because a friend of ours lived right overlooking that particular spot and we were able to sit on his patio and laugh while watching all these people scratching their heads wondering "how am I supposed to get anywhere?"

It managed to stay in place until nearly 9am, and survived scrutiny from 2 cops before a 3rd realized "wait... this shouldn't be here! and by now, someone from the road crew should have told us about it!".

I just wish I'd have kept that stuff for a few more years (or rather, like... 12 or 14 more) and used it locally on one of the city streets. But then you have cross-streets and ways for them to easily bypass it and stuff like that. But freeways? Highways? Heavily trafficked local roads back in the more rural suburbs? Yeah.. that's the way to go.

I think it's been far too long since I played some kinda prank like that on anyone or anything. Just good natured delinquency.

Random Thought Of The Day #620

Day 620

The entire country of Sweden is attempting to abolish gender-specific pronouns and replace them with a single gender-neutral pronoun.

Hey... idiots... there's now a whole damn country that is totally doing that thing you want to do here. Can you go there and leave all of us alone?

kthnxbi

Random Thought Of The Day #619

Day 619
We're hitting all the good-old topics again for the spring.

So far we've had the topics of "dungeon/Steel Sanctuary", "assault/consent", "nut job cause-heads", "predators", "outing people", and now we're on "restricted membership groups/exclusive groups"..

Fucking christ. I guess the spring really IS all about renewal and starting over, because we're just talking about the exact same shit that we were a year ago.

Bear in mind, I'm not saying that those topics are necessarily invalid, but I think that 99% of everything that COULD be said on any of those topics.. well...  HAS. So can't we just archive the existing conversations and just re-post the whole god damn conversation again around this time next year? You know, for the newbies or for the people that only come out of their holes in the spring, cause shit, and then disappear once they've caused sufficient bullshit.

Because if we do that... just repost the old shit instead of having the same conversation again in the spring next year.. then maybe, just maybe... WE CAN FIND ANOTHER GOD DAMN TOPIC!

Right now, we're in conversational recycling mode. And I think a lot of us will agree that it's become redundant, tedious, irritating, and just generally boring. Or maybe we're just all suffering early-onset kink alzheimers?

"you know, you look like my nephew Billy"
"I am your nephew Billy"
"You look like my nephew Billy"

It's like being in school again and knowing that every wednesday is taco do, every monday is hamburgers, and every friday is pizza or whatever. It gets old really god damn quick.

Can't we have a conversation about something actually interesting? Maybe about how awesome my dog is. Or I guess we could even talk about slightly more useful things like... on where are good places to play outdoors, maybe putting together a low-key camping event seperate from the Woodstocks drama, discussions on rope that go tangentally to Rope Bite, maybe even discussions on actual... you know... KINK... and not on some bullshit politics crap or authority issues or anything else that has to do with "community".

Now that I mention that though, it almost feels like all the discussion ABOUT "community" recently is about as productive as 2 people talking incessantly about their "relationship". Both seem to just fuck shit up more instead of just enjoying what you enjoy, having fun, and letting the "relationship" (or in this case, "community") take care of itself.

Or maybe I'm just getting too damn old for this "lather, rinse, and re-fucking-peat" bullshit.