Random Thought Of The Day #577

Day 577

Can we have a new death cult pop up sometime soon?

I miss them. We haven't had one in a while. And the dude running it has to be like 100 and look kinda crazy. Like this guy:

What was the last one? Heaven's Gate? And that was in the 90's, right? There was another one too right around the same time though, wasn't there? Or am I just remembering poorly?

And then way back in the day, there was Jamestown. But there had to have been a couple in between. I know it. I don't remember them or what any of them were called, but there had to have been a couple.

Where did all the cool death cults disappear to? I mean... we're getting closer to the "End Of The World"... you'd think they'd be springing up everywhere to preempt the whole "we're all gonna die" thing from the earth being sucked into a black hole or the sun going supernova or the Rapture or Mortimer, the Lone Mantis of the Apocalypse...wait... oh... I'm the only one that is warning about Mortimer.



Mortimer

 He's totally a Heeb. I mean... Mortimer? that's totally a Jewish name. But he's probably some old crotchety dude too. Cause I don't think there's anyone on the planet named Mortimer that's under 75. And I bet he has caramel candies in the pockets of his plaid golf pants.

His sidekick is named Chad. Chad is a total WASP. I bet you couldn't guess that though. Seriously... when's the last time you met a dude named Chad that wasn't some fratboy looking doucherocket that you kinda wanted to punch just from looking at him.



I bet his name is Chad

 I bet he also has a popped collar on his pink polo shirt. Toolbox.

But yeah.. where did they all go? Can't we get a Jim Jones version 2.0 to show up sometime soon? Get a bunch of crazies and head off to some crazy commune?  ... I can think of a few that we could TOTALLY ship off and nobody would miss...

wait what? I didn't say that. Nope. I didn't. I think you're mis-reading me. I'd never suggest throwing the crazies in the community on a boat and sending them to a super-lefty-vegan commune in the middle of nowhere and leaving them with a lot of purple kool-aid. Never. Ever. Nope.



Wait... that's not Rick Santorum... or is it? I can't quite tell.



It's only fair. The GOP apparently found their Jim Jones... his name is Rick Santorum. Someone tell me where to deliver the purple kool-aid to those idiots. It's my gift to you and the world.

Just as Mortimer is my gift to the world. Wait... I think this means I started a death cult.