Random Thought Of The Day #634

Day 634

With a handful of exceptions, I've tended to attrach the crazy a lot in my life. I'm like a crazy bitch magnet, I guess. And hey, sometimes that's been fun. Sometimes it's been a nightmare (did I ever tell you about the girl that tried to move in on the 2nd date?) that I just want to end without stirring the crazy pot anymore. And sometimes, well... sometimes it leads to a truly amazing story of crazy.

I don't know exactly what prompted my memory of this. It popped back into my head, after not thinking of it for a few years, on my way home from work yesterday. I think it was because I passed this girl that looked strikingly like my old friend Michelle. I haven't seen her in years. She moved to colorado like 9 or so years back? Something like that. But this girl looked a lot like her. Hell, maybe it was her. It is a pretty damn small world after all. But as I was driving home and passed this girl that looked a lot like her, the memory of this story popped back up in my head. And I felt compelled to share.

So, Michelle and I were a year apart in different schools. And this was a little over a year after I had graduated. Summer time, if I remember correctly. Late spring, or there abouts.  Well, if we're being completely accurate, I met her one time a few years before then when she walked into the record store I was working in and we talked a bit and I never saw her again until this point. So when I walked into the Eat N Park that I spent far, far, FAR too many hours at, drinking coffee, smoking, eating a plate of bacon (bacon is wonderful and it's perfectly reasonable to order only bacon. Shut up) and just hanging out... so when I walked in to meet some friends, sat down and she was my waitress, I was a little taken aback.

When I had first walked in, my friends told me "we have a new waitress. so she won't know what you want. So you might actually have to speak to order"... so the irony when she walked over and immediately said "Hi Joe", to which I replied, with a hint of shock in my voice, "Hi Michelle".... well, the irony and the even more shocked looks on the faces of my friends that I already knew the brand new waitress somehow was... amusing.

But since she was working there, and I spent far too much time at that fucking place, we started actually becoming friends. And soon enough, started hanging out outside of that place.

Well, one day, she comes up to me and asks me "Do you remember Lindsay F****w?". (no, I'm not giving full names here.)

That was a name I hadn't heard in a while. I looked at her and said "yeah, I remember her. I played hockey with her brother. Met her during a travel tournament a couple years back. We hit it off pretty well actually."

She nodded and her next question kinda surprised me. "Did you ever date?"

"No. I met her that weekend and never really saw her again after that. Well, that one time ex. She didn't come to any more games that year, her brother and I didn't really get along so I wasn't about to ask him to hook me up with his sister, he was a year ahead of me and was done with this league after this season to head off to college and I don't know if I ever really saw her again after that."

"Really? Interesting.", she replies.

I tried asking some follow-up questions but she was giving nothing up. The best I could get was "I'll tell you some other time" and I accepted it for the time being.

Well, a few weeks later, we're hanging out at my place and drinking... I think we were drinking wine, but fucked if I remember... and watching Space Balls (she had never seen it. I felt that this was an afront to the comedy gods and must be rectified) when she, in a drunken haze, looks at me and says "You remember when we met?"

I have no idea what she's talking about and just say "Do you mean the night I came in and you were my waitress and knew me or the time at the music store?"

"The music store" she replied.

"Yeah. We talked." I said.

"And remember me asking you about Lindsay?"

"yeah. Wait... was she the one standing outside the store when you and I were talking music? Waiting impatiently?" I asked.

"Yeah" she says, before saying "And remember when I asked if you 2 dated?"

I nodded. And she launched into this story.

Apparently I had been in a long term, serious relationship with Lindsay. And I never even knew it.

Because that's what she told all of her friends. That we were dating. And that we had been dating for a while. Fuck, this little flight of fantasy even included some friend of mine dying in a car accident where I was driving!

Wait... WHAT?

Oh, and also my Jeep that I had for years... It had apparently been white before. But after the fictional car wreck that resulted in the death of an imaginary person, I had it repainted green. For the record, I fucking HATE white cars. I would rather stab myself in the eye socket with a red hot poker than own a white car.

But yes.. So apparently I was the object of desire for someone so severely that she fabricated a multi-year relationship with me, including the death of some person. And the sad part is that this girl was smoking hot, and I kinda dug her. Had she shown me even a little more of a hint that she was into me, I'd have been all about it. But apparently I managed to dodge a crazy bullet there and not even know it. Cause there's no other explanation for the complete fabrication of a relationship than crazy.

Either that, or it should be a clue that the imaginary version of me is actually a better boyfriend than the real version of me.

 

The only other question I had to ask Michelle after eventually processing all this?

 

"So, was I at least good in bed?"