I told a friend this a few weeks ago and let her steal it. She found it as correct & true as I do.
"there are 3 things a guy looks for in a girl. Sane. Single. Sexy....."
"Pick 2"
Of course this brought on the expected reply of a great deal of laughter, but it's very true.
Now, you might ask "what about the ones that are sane & sexy & married or with someone? They were single at some point, right?"
Yeah. And they're the exception. Whoever they're with now, they effectively hit the vagina lottery. Because most of the others that are taken are also lacking in one of the other 2 variables I mentioned.
Now, from time to time we all hit this lottery and fuck it up or something. Like a hillbilly winning the Powerball. We blow it on stupid shit and get robbed in the parking lot of a strip club with a hundred grand in a briefcase.
Far more often however, we THINK we hit it, that we're the lottery winner, only to find out that the degree of psychopathy buried under the facade of sanity is so overwhelming that you start to wonder "how in the world did I miss this shit"? We see the numbers on the screen and then look at our ticket and they match, but soon-after find out that not only was our ticket for yesterday's lottery, but yesterday's lottery is also the one that makes you the next participant on an episode of the version of Survivor where they throw a dozen people on an island with an axe-wielding maniac. You pretty much realize you're fucked and you'll be lucky to make it out of this situation with only a few cuts and scrapes, but more than likely you're gonna get your fucking head lopped off while running for your life.
That's pretty much the way I view dating at this point. Like it was the lottery. And the lottery is nothing more than a tax on the stupid. Yes, it's true that you can't win if you don't play, but you also can't waste all of your money & end up as a degenerate gambler with an addiction to the action if you don't either.
That's why I wrote my Application a while ago. Because I'm not playing the lottery anymore. You're only going to get 2 out of the 3 numbers right and while that might be good enough for many people, it's not good enough for me. I'm just going to hang around until I'm stumbling through the street one night in a alcohol-fueled haze, trip and fall into a gutter, only to lift my head and find a lottery ticket that turns out to be the winner that someone elses unfortunately purchased and lost.
It'll probably never happen. But fuck... it could. The other option is to waste more time and money than I can count buying losing lottery tickets. Weirder shit has happened.
No comments:
Post a Comment