Uncomfortable - RTOTD #754

Day 754

I've been thinking recently about some of the hotter scenes I've done and realized exactly how many of them did NOT age well. Hindsight tends to be 20/20 on things like this, but from time to time, it's also about 160 over 10. You end up hating someone that you had a scene with, and it colors your memory of that scene. Other times, you had a horrible first scene but kept playing or got

But all that aside, I've realized how uncomfortable I can often be with someone I've never played with. Mostly from adjusting boundaries to suit a scene instead of just social interaction.

See, I'm one of those people where... I tend to have very similar limits with most people. I am not the most touchy-feely type person. I don't mind giving someone a hug when I haven't seen them in a while. I don't mind doing so when saying goodbye. I don't mind throwing an arm over someone's shoulder or anything when I'm bullshitting in a group situation. But I'm not the most physical of people when it comes to regular interaction. I don't generally do the regular touching things that a lot of people do. I like my personal space and mostly try to respect the personal space of others. Close talking even bothers me.

And often, I establish my boundaries with people fairly quickly. What type of physical contact is acceptable. Which is not. Mostly from my own comfort level. And because my comfort level for physical contact tends to be significantly lower than most other people in the kink world, it means that I don't even really need to give a damn where theirs is, because mine probably has a lower threshold for reaching the "this is not comfortable" level than theirs.

The thing is... a lot of that comfort level kinda goes out the window when you're playing with someone. You need to have more contact. You need to establish different lines. You need to be more physical. Significantly more so than I am on a normal basis. You need to establish a different boundary level and work within that new level in the new paradigm. It might only be a temporary change, but someone that you might not normally even touch for more than the rare hug now turns into someone who you're running your hands over.

You go from never even touching to fingers streaking through their hair. From standing 2 feet apart and no closer to your crotch rubbing up against their ass. From shaking hands to a hand around the throat. From not being a close-talker to your hot breath along their neck and beside their ears while whispering horrible things to them.

Your dyanamic changes. You change the game.

The thing is, I'm not always very good at making that change without chemistry before hand. I can't just meet someone and find that they have a similar kink as mine and "hey, let's go indulge that!". That's not really me. And it's why I've had so many scenes that, in retrospect, and maybe even at the time, I realized... "I'm not really feeling this. I'm not comfortable touching this person. I can't get that comfort level for the physical contact that I need in order to enjoy this scene as much as I should and oh god, can they also feel how uncomfortable I am? Are they uncomfortable too? Fuck. I don't like this. I kinda just want to stop it but I don't want to make them feel bad because I wasn't into it or that I was just service Topping them. So maybe I should just grit my teeth and bear it and finish out the scene and never ever do this again with this person until I'm a lot more comfortable with being physical with them." And when the first-time scene sucks, I'm not really likely to try again in order to actually GET a comfort level.

I can't just do pick-up play. It's just not me. I need to connect with the person in order to really enjoy the kink. I need a comfort level and it's often not just a switch that I can flip with someone.

Granted, there are a few people that I can flip the switch with and go from just being normal friendly to physical and close. @Sybele is one of them. There's a few others as well, though she's the one that it's easiest with so it's probably the best example. But otherwise? I can't just switch over. It's just not my thing.

And it's probably why I really don't play very often at this point. Though sometimes, if I get a few hours of getting to know someone before playing, I can play. But a long, established friendship with someone where I've already established a dynamic? I can't adjust.

That was horribly disjointed and poorly written. Let's call this one a rough draft on this topic and leave it at that.