Scalpel - RTOT #868

Day 868

I generally don't like most people. I know this is a shocking revelation to you, right? Yeah. Sure. So when I do like someone, I generally consider them a friend. Or at bare minimum, someone that I don't actively dislike and they become part of the white noise in the background of my life. We all have these people. We just often don't think of them like that because it seems insulting, but really... that's all that they really are. They're the buffer zone between the people we like and everyone else. And for that reason, they're the white noise.

And when an of those relationships reach its inevitable expiration date, I simply cut it off with a scalpel, not entirely unlike a gangrenous limb. I cut it off. I move on. I give very little thought to it again with only a handful of exceptions and I generally feel little to no sense of loss. Maybe it's a personality disorder. Maybe it's a coping mechanism. Maybe I'm just too distracted or disaffected  or cynical to care about any sense of loss when it comes to interpersonal relationships, but I'm gonna go ahead and guess that that's probably a sign of said personality disorder. That's probably that whole sociopathy thing coming back out again.

But in the end, I harbor no ill will towards the limbs that I amputate. I look at them not unlike a rock on a beach. It's there. It doesn't matter to me. And I keep walking.

So when I see people that feel compelled to get angry at the rock or the dead limb that has already been amputated and is rotting away in a dumpster or something somewhere, I don't entirely understand it. Will yelling at it or talking too much about it make that limb somehow come back to life and reattach itself? Will that rock turn into something that matters with enough quiet sniping or venom or whispered comments? Will it even care?

Frankly, I just don't understand why relationships end and then somehow continue as something else more negative. Is it Newton's Law of Relationships instead of Motion or something where it has to require an opposite emotion when it's ended? I mean... I generally hate human beings as a whole, but I don't make that kind of effort to be a venomous jackwagon towards everyone unless there's a necessity.

Or unless I'll get some form of amusement out of it. But then again, I'm a dick. Not everyone is willing to admit that they're a sociopathic prick like me.

And yes, admitting it absolves me of any guilt or responsibility for anything I do or say in the past, present and future.

I was probably going somewhere with this, but I kinda stopped caring. Maybe that was the point though... things end & giving more time to it seems pointless.