Random Thought Of The Day #661

Day 661

I'm going to reiterate and explain something that I've said a couple times recently. Because I REALLY fucking think you people aren't listening.

Play is NOT therapy. The community should not be your therapy group. It shouldn't even be CLOSE to your therapy group. It shouldn't be a supplement or a form of continued care.

None of us are exactly well-adjusted individuals, however there should be some form of baseline criteria to meet. Not something that is decided by some arbitrary board or anything. Simply a degree of self-awareness that comes with a long, hard, look in the mirror and says "hey, I'm doing OK" or "I'm not yet OK" before jumping into the public scene or pick-up play arena. Hell, even jumping into the public scene in general should only be done after being at least moderately certain that you are not going to freak out at any minor infraction. But sicne crazy often doesn't realize it's crazy... might wanna get some second (and third and forth and thirty-second) opinions of if you're mentally stable enough.

I mean... I have a trigger too... it's major. When someone hits it, I go ballistic. I lose my god damned mind.

Hanging up on me when we're arguing on the phone.

Nothing gets my fucking Irish up like that. But you know what? It's not something that is a major area of concern when dealing with the public bdsm world. So I don't have to worry about it.

But when you are going to flip out about being touched. When you're going to lose your mind about a pronoun. When you're going to do your best Exorcist kid impression because something that you. don't. like. happened in your presence AND there is a risk of that thing happening just by leaving the house, much less venturing into a group of people whose respect for personal space and ability to communicate their own quirks is sometimes lacking? Well... maybe you might wanna spend a few days, weeks, months, or years on the couch at some Shrink's office first. Or medicate the fuck out of yourself.

I really don't care which one.

But deal with your shit and THEN call me. That's the way this used to work. The rules aren't really much different from that of normal vanilla society. As much as everyone seems to think they are sometimes. But being a functional human being IS one of those baseline requirements that need to be met. Nothing special. Just don't be someone who loses their mind over simple shit. And by simple, I mean fucking retarded. Like short-bus kinda stuff.

We keep wanting to create some sort of separate rules for the kink world and the vanilla world. We want to define assault in ways that differ from the vanilla world. We want to pretend that the baseline mental illness acceptance levels for vanilla society are somehow different from our own. We want to basically create some sort of separate value structure for the kink world... but we can't. You know why? Because the existing ones are good enough. They're there for a reason.

You might say that "in that case, the kink world would be ostracizing itself as a result, in the same way that the vanilla world does to it". But you'd be wrong. Because in this case, those in the society that collectively act as the arbiters of those values have an understanding of the kink world that the vanilla society does not. We have an understanding and ability to see the nuances without the same biases.

That doesn't invalidate the rules. It makes US better at arbitrating who meets them and who does not for acceptance into the "society".

The problem has never been with the baseline that are already established. They've been with the implementation and interpretation of them by people that don't understand how to apply them to the kink world. That's it.

You might not like it, but the kink world is NOT a way to escape the rules of acceptance for the vanilla world. It's simply a place where, generally speaking, being kinky or gay or non-gender-binary won't create the preconceived notions and bias against you from the start that happens in the vanilla world. We simply disregard that adjective in forming a consensus of if you meet the general baseline standard of acceptance and being a functional human being. Cause douchebag is douchebag, no matter if you like dick or pussy. And crazy is crazy, whether you have natural or artificial boy/girl parts. And creepy is creepy no matter if you're into feet or just want a romantic date. Well... being into feet makes you creepy no matter what. Because feet are gross and you should kill yourself if that's your kink. Because feet are gross. It's not QUITE as much of an assisted-suicide-resulting offense as wearing leggings as pants, but close. Really close.

What I'm saying is... Crazy, however... is still crazy. No matter what community you are in that is generally made up of functional human beings. Though if a whole community is crazy, crazy'll fit right the fuck in.