Day 684
As I write this, it's writing number 901 for me. Stop and think about that. I hate to sound like a cocky asshole... No... Wait... No. I don't... But I know that I sound like a cocky asshole for saying this but that's a fucking lot of writing. Day after day, it's become almost like a column in a daily paper. It's something that people ready daily or check out moderately frequently. I actually wish I could see the analytics for the FL hit counter. I know what I get on the blog site (pretty decent traffic that's been growing every month) and I know that a lot of people don't follow the links to it. I'd be curious how much higher it is here.
It's kinda strange though that something that I started just for fun has kind of becomes what I'm known for. Well, among a handful of other things, both good and bad. But when I'm meeting people for the first time, or in a new place with new people, I almost always get "oh, aren't you that writer guy?" from people I don't know.
That's a strange feeling for me. To be known for something other than "Dude, that guy can fucking party" or "that dude can drink" or "he throws killer parties" or "oh fuck him, that guy's an asshole" or "that smug, egotistical, self-important jackass". I'm not used to people knowing who I am before I meet them. It was going on before writing for years and I didn't get used to it then. As far back as Highschool and college people somehow knew me before I knew them. Just not as often as now. I don't think I ever will get used to it. As much as I enjoy it, it's still kinda weird. I almost feel as though there are now expectations on me from other people that I have to meet before I say "hello". Like I have to meet a standard of awesomeness or dickbaggery or just being a raving lunatic that I've set for myself.
Do I meet it? I have no idea.
That's not a complaint. I'm certainly never going to complain about people knowing who I am without me needing to even walk up to them and introduce myself. I already wrote a whole thing a week or so back detailing how I compensate for being kinda painfully shy in one-on-one encounters with new people.
I'm not nearly that much of a douche to bitch about the little hint of notoriety that comes from being able to hammer out 1000 or 2000 words each morning on whatever bullshit topic springs to mind that day. I could be unknown and writing to no audience. I could be just ignored altogether. So I'm not gonna complain that people sometimes know me.
I like it. It's another way to kinda act as a coping mechanism for my shyness. It doesn't mean it's not weird or I'll be getting used to it though.
Trust me though... I'm well aware that the modicum of notoriety I've gotten from this is very minimal. It might be able to sell a nice number of books or at the very least, convince me that it might be a reasonable venture to actually publish something. But there won't be anyone selling any tickets to events or anything based on my attendance anytime in the foreseeable future. I'm definitely not putting any asses in seats. I'm not that good. I'm not that well-known. And I'm definitely not that much of a draw. Especially considering that skills & looks sell in this world when it comes to events. Words don't. At least not to audiences at events.
But that's cool. I don't wanna be that. I just like writing. I like putting words down and telling stories and being a self-absorbed ass. I like shamelessly self-promoting and letting my ego run rampant. I like seeing how many times I can make Kinky & Popular in a week or a month. I like being some sort of just weird kinda fixture. There's almost a guarantee that you'll see something I wrote end up being prophetic when something random happens a month or 2 from now.
Though I do have to say, when I am the voice of reason on a topic, you gotta all realize that you've all gone of the motherfucking deep end. Just sayin.
Then there's the other side to the whole thing. The shitstorms it's kicked up. The fights I've picked with ideas or people that I think are dangerous or insane. The chasms that it's torn into local politics in the scene. They were inevitable, even without me putting my fingers on the keyboard. It was shit that was going to erupt. So don't think I'm taking credit or blame for them happening. I just never have been shy about being the one that fires the first shot in a war against bad ideas or lunatics. And hell, putting myself in the middle of them has only served to make my ego bigger, to grow the infamy, to make my spotlight brighter and my stage bigger.
Now, do I like everything that's gone along with being a loud-mouthed asshole with no internal filter and a borderline case of sociopathy? No. Certainly not. It's caused headaches for myself and for friends. When you make yourself a public figure and relish it, you don't really get to bitch when shit goes bad or when people dig up dirt or attack you back. It happens. You deal with it. You ignore it. You roll with it.
Regardless, it's been a fun ride and it'll be a fun ride for a good while longer too. It'll be an even more fun ride if the book is successful.
Thanks for reading for the past few years and I hope you keep going for a lot more. As I do more stupid shit. As I get drunker. As I get louder & more belligerent & piss off more people. And as I throw more parties & write more shit. And maybe, just maybe.. Make a little money off this writing thing.
Because I am the awesomest man alive. And you fucking know it.
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