Random Thought Of The Day #708

Day 708

Can someone explain to me the appeal of Fantasy Football?

Hell, fantasy sports in general.

Look, I love me some sports. I watched the Baltimore Rat Birds lose yesterday in a game of "which team of fucks do I hate worse" against an asshole that used to fight dogs. A murderer vs an animal torturer. Great. No matter who won, I wanted to punch the guy they interviewed afterwards as well.

But I happily watched the Patriots lose. I smiled when the Steelers won, even though I don't think they're going to be a very good team this year.

I got pissed that it looks like we're going to have another Hockey lockout. But hey, when you have the guy that ran the Baseball players union for as long as he did and the type of economics he thinks is good for sports, then it was kind of inevitable.

And... well... fuck baseball and basketball. They barely count as activities. Some bullshit where you can't hit the other guy? Fuck that. That's not sports. If you can't beat the other guy in the process of playing the game, it doesn't count. That's why Golf doesn't count either. Or co-ed collegiate badmitten either. They're pretty much all the same.

And don't even bother with Women's sports. It's a way to make girls that are neither attractive or intelligent feel good about themselves. Nobody watches. Nobody cares. Though that one night we got stuck watching a women's football league game at the bar was like a trainwreck that nobody could stop watching. So maybe that's it. It's like like Curling circa 2002 Olympics where nobody knew what the fuck it was but couldn't stop watching it.

"A broom and a bowling ball with a handle and a fucking dart board on the ice? What the fuck is going on here!?!? I can't stop watching it!!"

You're gonna get mad about that, aren't you? Learn to know when something is a joke. And also learn that a joke is only funny if it's also marginally true.

But back on topic. Fantasy sports? I don't quite get it.

You spend hours and hours and hours on end looking over injury logs, situational statistics, ratings and rankings, and schedules to make sure the guy is even playing that week and isn't on a bye-week.

And then... what do you get at the end? You might get a couple hundred bucks? If you're in some massive league, you might get a couple grand. You might get nothing. You get the satisfaction of pretending to be a halfway decent general manager in imaginary world. But you don't even get the fun of playing a video game. It's like if you set rosters and traded for people and then let the video game simulate it for you. Where's the fun in that?

I just don't get it.

I tried it twice in college. Hockey and football. In both cases, I got bored within a month and never even looked at my team again until almost the end of the seasons to go "oh, yeah... I guess I might see if I did any good this year?'. I didn't. And I didn't care.

It's boring, time consuming, and fruitless in the end. And I hope you all fucking die in a freak Buffalo Wild Wings explosion while you're doing you draft or your league is getting together to watch 16 different football games at once.

This is more my idea of fantasy football: