Random Thought Of The Day #723

Day 723

I'm quite jaded and cynical. Getting an honestly excited reaction from me for must of anything is hard. Unless it's something that I come up with. Sorry. Most of the time, things that everyone else thinks are or would be fun to do are things I've already done a dozen or more times. The fun ran out after the first 3 times.

My cynicism is really never more fully on display than when it comes to dating.

Maybe I'm still too much of a hopeless romantic. To a degree, my relationship wants & needs seem to appear further and further from being found in anyone else. And in a way, when you read the entirety of my thoughts and throw out all the excess crap, mindless-self-indulgence, inane ramblings, and self-aggrandizement that I occasionally throw out there for mass consumption, you could make a case that I've written a weird series of posts that could be cut down into one big Classified ad. Desperately Seeking A Perfect Contradiction.

I've written extensively on my theory regarding potential partners. At least from the straight male perspective. I already graced you with my theories of the types of women you will find. That we look for 3 things in a woman. Sexy, Sane, and Single. And we can pick 2 of those.

I've written about my kinks for bimbofication. And while that could theoretically be a contradiction to the "sane" part of my wants and needs, it doesn't have to be. There's a line between one that's nothing more than a life support system for a vagina and someone who actually has intelligence but can simply turn her brain on and off.

I've written about my partiality to monogamy, while being more mono-flexible and espousing the virtues of the slut. Defending my love of whorish behavior by my continued magnetic attraction of it. And with how often I end up with bisexual women, strict monogamy isn't in the cards. I've dated 1 totally straight girl in the past decade, and it was the closest thing I've had to a normal relationship in that time. And it's also the only one that had a ZERO percent chance of working out in the long term from day 1.

I haven't really talked about how much I'd love a simple existence with a nice girl, because it's really not funny. But I really do. In a strange way, I want what my parents have. I won't get into that too much, but going on 40 years of marriage for them, and they're happy. They have their rocky patches like everyone, but in a way, that makes them work better. I think that's the same for every solid relationship. The small bumps in the road solidifies things, while too many would shake apart even the most well-bonded chemical known to man. You need the perfect balance of perfect and imperfect to really alloy a relationship without so much chaos as to tear it apart. Many people get lucky and find that. Many more do not. Many go too long with calm seas that they don't know how to weather a rough storm and many see so many rough storms that they abandon ship and head for high ground and eventually find a new ship.

I don't know where I'm really going with this. I guess that, to some degree, I'm doing nothing more than summarizing all of the relationship wants and needs I've discovered and thrown out there in writing, as well as some that I've kept more tight to the vest. So I don't know. I just know that whatever I'm doing or whatever it is that I've been looking for out there, it either doesn't seem to exist or I'm just really looking in the wrong places, or asking the wrong questions, or maybe just not really explaining what I'm looking for particularly well. For all I talk and write, based on the replies I get, sometimes the point of what I write seems to get lost in the big pile of words that go with it.

So who knows... feel free to disregard this or whatever. I'm not entirely sure even what my point was here. Maybe it's a cautionary tale to not figure out too much of EXACTLY what you want or you end up spending most of your relationships running through a checklist and seeing how close you can come to your idealized partner without ever finding them. Even the flaws that you love about the idealization. Because the only place that an idealization exists is in your head. Reality rarely matches expectations.

Or the short version? Yeah, I'm single, dating sucks, I'm no closer to finding what I want in another person than I was when I was 19, and if anything, I'm further away because of "figuring out what I want".

So yes, this was a whiny bitch post disguised as "meaningful self-examination"

Now I need a beer and another meaningless sexual encounter with a morally questionable slut that I will probably hate myself for after I've gotten over the euphoria of an orgasm.

Happy Monday.