This Is Not Wonderful - RTOTD #869

Day 869

21st Century Hollywood is out of ideas. I mean, we all know this. When's the last time we saw them make a GOOD original movie that wasn't obviously derivative of another movie or book. A new story that wasn't just an excuse for Roland Emmerich to blow up New York City or Washington, DC? Seriously... the guy makes nothing but disaster porn. Go check IMDB. But an actual original movie that's not complete schlock or looks like it was filmed in somebody's back yard on a Go Pro? Good luck finding one.

But that's not necessarily a bad thing. Hollywood's lack of imagination has given us the Superhero genre and Marvel movies making enough money to finance a revolution in a small island nation every few months. Though it did also give us the Twilight series. So it's obviously give-and-take.

But Hollywood has done some good work with sequels and remakes and adaptations of works of fiction over the years. So the premise that it needs to be an original story to be a good movie isn't right.

However, there's some rumor about a sequel to It's A Wonderful Life.

Honestly... I just kinda don't have anything funny to say about that other than it being an absolutely atrocious idea.

But since this might actually eventually maybe sorta happen, we should get ourselves ready for sequels to random classic movies. We've already seen the remake-of-a-classic-movie thing crash and burn. Because I guess Hollywood thought that if you could remake cult or just random movies from back in the day and turn them into franchises (I'm looking at you, Ocean's 9723498234 movies) then taking a classic movie and remaking it should be a license to print money. Obviously the rather atrocious Psycho remake from the 90's or 00's or whenever that was disproved that.

But now they're apparently thinking about just making sequels to them. Hell, Star Wars VII is coming out in like 2 years. And continuing the story from Jedi. So it's not entirely unheard of.

So in that vein, let's think of some awesome ideas for sequels to classic movies:

I'm going to go with A Christmas Story II. In this story, the kid from the first one is an adult and has his own kids. And an eye patch like Nick Fury. Except he has become a militia member and has his BB gun framed. And his kid wants a machine gun. And instead of a slide in the mall, there's a death chamber. And a 45 minute scene where his kid gets his ass cheeks stuck to the pole while having flashbacks to some trauma with his one-eyed dad. Or something fucking dumb like that. And there's a nuke somewhere. Because we can't not make it an action comedy. Because ticket sales.

*EDIT* - HOLD THE FUCK ON!!!! THERE WAS ALREADY A SEQUEL TO A CHRISTMAS STORY? HOW DID I NOT FUCKING KNOW THIS??????

Fine... call it a Christmas Story: The Next Generation. Or something. Fuck it. I give up on life.