I'm About To Ruin Your Fucking Day - RTOTD #874

Day 874

I have a problem that's been bugging me for a while and it's getting worse.

ASPCA commercials.

Because they're getting to me more and more. And they're longer. And more depressing. And more... EVERYTHING.

It was bad enough when it was just Sarah McLachlan singing and making you feel horrible that you haven't adopted every dog at the local shelter. But that one only lasted for 45 seconds.

But now? Now it's a 3 minute long commercial with just some lady guilt-tripping you for being alive and not spending your entire day playing with dogs and giving them food.

I was sitting on the couch on Saturday, just watching some TV, when an ASPCA commercial came on that I was half-expecting to be yet another Sarah McLachlan commercial where she sings to pictures of sad dogs and bandaged cats, but this one was different.

It started with a woman just talking over video clips of the saddest dogs ever. And every word out of her mouth made you feel shittier and shittier about being a human being. About beaten dogs and being locked in a cage and left to die.

THE LADY FUCKING SAID THAT! "Locked in a cage to die"

I lasted 10 seconds before I had to get up and walk as calmly as possible over to the chair-and-a-half where Bailey was curled up in a ball, looking pathetic and unloved, and laid down to smother him with a hug.

His expression was of utter confusion. I mean, he does a damned good job of looking pathetic and unloved and basically giving you Bailey Face, but the second you give him attention, he's the happiest dog on the planet.

I then had to make my way around the house and hug the other 2 dogs for a good 20 seconds each.

It was then that it dawned on me: As long as there are ASPCA commercials on TV, I can never be without a dog. Because every single time one comes on the TV, I feel compelled to get up and hug the dogs. And if I didn't have a dog to hug, I would have to go and adopt all the dogs at the shelter just so that I had dogs to hug during ASPCA commercials.

That's their trick. They make you feel so horrible that you have an overwhelming compulsion to hug dogs. And if you don't have a dog to hug when their commercial hits your ears and eyes, then the overwhelming compulsion is to go get yourself a dog just so that you can hug it.

It took me about 2 minutes to get through all of the dog hugging and making my way around the house to make sure there was food and water and toys aplenty for the dogs to play with. I was finally starting to feel good about  myself again. Like I'd done my part in making absolutely sure that the dogs never felt like they were going to be left to die in a cage or beaten and neglected. Like I wasn't a completely horrible human being. And when I walked back into the living room...

THE FUCKING COMMERCIAL WAS STILL GOING!

I had to start all over. Their guilt-trip commercial got to me a 2nd time.

So yeah... I am really starting to hate these commercials because no matter how much I do to try to make sure I'm taking the best care of the dogs that I can, I feel like shit whenever these damn commercials come on.

Or just be always ready with a remote in hand to make sure I can change the channel FAST.