Random Thought Of The Day #482

Day 482

Today I have an interview with someone I've known for a long time, but have never really had the chance to introduce to a lot of my friends. Some of my very old friends know this person, but I don't know who else has been introduced to them. The following will be a transcript of our conversation. Totally unedited. So... without further adieu, let me introduce Bob:

Me: Hi Bob. Nice to see you.

Bob: Dude, you see me every day.

Me: well, I do but how the fuck else am I supposed to start a sit-down interview with someone most of my readers have never met?

Bob: Well... fuck, that's kind of a good point.

Me: yeah, see?

Bob: sure... ok so yeah... I'm good.  Yourself?

Me: Great. So let's get started. How long have we known each other?

Bob: Well, I guess it's about 13 or 14  years now?

Me: That sounds about right. And how did we meet?

Bob: You gave me a gift at random. You just said "hey, buddy... hold this" and then kept going and we've been friends since then.

Me: And did you like the gift? What was it?

Bob: sure, man... I loved it. Somehow you just knew exactly what I wanted and damn dude... I just kinda got a man-crush. As for the present...

Me: Wait... you have a man crush? You know I'm straight right?

Bob: Oh yeah... but I mean, if you were ever..

Me: No. I'm straight dude. I know we've been friends forever and a day now, but no... just... no.

Bob: Oh... well... um, I guess that's cool. I mean... yeah... we're friends dude. Nothing weird.

Me: Ok then... *awkward pause*... now back to that gift..

Bob: well, you gave me your leftovers from Subway. And the drink too.

Me: So you were hungry at the time? When was the last time you'd ate before that?

Bob: I don't know. Probably a week or so?

Me: So I was doing charity work?

Bob: I don't know. I mean, you hooked me up man. I don't care why, but you were a lifesaver. I don't know how much longer I could have lasted without that.

Me: So what happened then?

Bob: So I started kinda following you around. And you'd hook me up all the time. Every time you didn't want something, you'd give it to me. It was like you were taking care of me. And I love you for it, dude.

Me: Didn't we just cover the "I'm straight and I'm not interested" thing?

Bob: Yeah, but..

Me: Ok, we're done now. Don't talk to me anymore..

*end interview*

So there you have it. An old friend Bob. He's the magical man that runs next to my car and I hook him up with anything I don't want. This was exactly why I don't talk to him. But he still follows me. Say hi if you're ever in the car with me. And give him a gift.  Maybe he'll get over his "crush" on me and you can be his new BFF.

And remember... it's not littering if you're giving someone a gift.