I sent an entirely unsolicited message to someone last night on FL. It wasn't someone that I'd met at a party or an event. It wasn't someone that had stumbled onto this stupid little column, or at least to the best of my knowledge. It wasn't someone that I had any real mutual friends with.
It was simply someone whose profile I stumbled upon because of an interesting name and, after reading their profile, I was intrigued by.
This is profoundly uncharacteristic of me.
Fuck, you people kinda know me by now. Some of you really know me pretty well.
I don't like new people. I don't like people I haven't met. I guess that was kinda redundan, but whatever. I don't go out of my way to meet any people. I certainly never bother to send friend requests or first messages or even initiate conversation with people I don't know. And half the time, if it's not someone I haven't known for at least a little while, if they initiate conversation with me, I'll feign interest for about 10 seconds before looking around with a bored expression on my face before finally turning back towards the speaker, interrupting them and just saying "I really don't care what you're talking about" and walking away abruptly.
It's not anything to do with being shy or anything like that. I'm just kind of a dick.
Well, maybe that's not entirely accurate. It's probably how it's percieved, but it's not accurate. I simply prefer someone prove that they have something of value that I would appreciate in conversation or even in an acquaintanceship before giving any of my time or energy to so much as a conversation. I'm not much for small talk unless I've already established that the person I'm engaging with also has something to offer in the realm of substantial conversation as well. Something that I'd be interested in conversing about.
Harsh? Probably. But I really don't care. Even a conversation is an exchange. You prove yourself interesting & I'll give you my attention. Give me something of interest & I'll trade you my time. I do the same thing here. You do too. When I have something interesting to say, you trade me your time to read it and occasionally reply. But how long did it take for me to grab your attention? When did I prove that I have something interesting to say? Rhetorical question. Just proving a point.
But I digress.
Sending an unsolicited message to anyone here is terribly uncharacteristic of me.
Maybe it's just because I'm waiting for it to be interpretted as an "I'd like to fuck you" message rather than an "I said I was intrigued. Because I'm intrigued. Period." message and I dislike being misinterpretted like that. Maybe it's because I know that most people that SEEM interesting tend to be terribly underwhelming after you get to see beyond the surface intrigue. Or maybe it's just because it involved me actually making an effort towards someone I don't know. A little too much "putting myself out there" than I feel like doing for absolutely no reason other than initial intrigue.
I figure... I "put myself out there" every single day right here. Why am I bothering to do more than that on an individual basis?
I guess it's kind of the typed-word equivelant of my lack of fear of public speaking.
I've never had any sort of problem with public speaking. There was never any fear. Because I knew that whatever I was about to say would connect with one person out there. I'd be throwing a wide net over a large group of people and I knew that I'd catch at least one of them. I'd be able to grab onto that connection & run with it. And everyone else would disappear from my field of view. I'd forget about them. It was me and the few people that I caught in my net. They became my audience. Everyone else was static in the background.
So I guess that's what this is. This is my daily public speaking. This is my net. I throw it at the intarwubz and see what the fuck I catch. And then it's just me and you talking.
And with that all said... here's Deadpool.
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